The Great American Oxymoron!

The boy has discovered that he really enjoys running! So, when we do our 5K in May, he will be running, not walking! This new experience requires a change of footwear for the lad; a prospect that really excited his shoe obsessed Grandmother! At her suggestion, we all set out for the mall today to check out running shoes.

I realized something as we were walking down the mall dodging teenagers holding hands, gazing into each others eyes and giggling (ah, young love),the mall has become an oxymoron! Have you noticed that all the clothing stores cater to skinny people? I mean who do you know that fits into a size 0 jean? A size 0 jean? What is that anyway? Why bother 0 is nothing? Is that for someone with no waist? I’m just wondering.

Trying on all these skinny clothes is going to make you hungry, so you should probably go grab something to eat on your way out. What do you prefer? TGI Fridays, A Signature sandwich from Panera, Dairy Queen has luscious sundaes. If you rather have ethnic, there are 3 pizza places, 2 Chinese places, Olga’s and I believe you might be able to grab a giant pretzel or two.

After you eat, you need to go back and return your new clothes for different sizes as you just went up a size or two!

Does anyone else see the disconnect here? We only sell clothes for skinny people, but we only sell food guaranteed to make you plus size? How do these places stay in business?

Then I saw them! I have discovered who the new front “men” for the junk food industry are – The Girl Scouts!!! There they were, set up in all their angelic innocence, hawking their gooey, chewy, fat laden cookies! Batting their big blue eyes, guilting everyone into buying their little packages of death and thunder thighs! Thank Goodness I was a Camp Fire Girl!

I mean really! It was like running a freaking gauntlet in a battlefield. In an effort to help me out, the boy suggested Olga’s so we could sit down out of the crowd and get a good salad. We sit down and order and both of my loving, supportive boys ordered FRIES!!! Do they think I have the will power of a saint? Are they Crazy???!!! Are they trying to kill me or make me insane?

I took a deep breath, split a salad with my mom and focused on not grabbing fistfuls of French fries off their plates! I made it through the meal without making a grab for anyone else’s plate and shockingly, both of my loving boys made it out of the restaurant alive as well; it was close there for a minute, but we made it!