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Monday, January 31, 2011

Classes

I have to tell you all that this college thing is amazing!  I thought I was going to hate my Biology class.  Now, I am waking up on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings and can't wait to get there!

Okay, sometimes I only actually understand a third of the lecture (today is a good example), but then it starts fermenting in my brain and the more I think about it the more sense it makes!

Algebra and I are still battling it out, but I am not sure how much of that is my previous mind set.  I'm just thankful that I have a tutor on hand and another only a phone call away!  My brother is a high school math teacher!

A friend of mine gave me a pretty little writing desk that is the perfect size for me and my new study area!  Yes, I have my own area!  Okay, I am sharing space with the laundry, but hey, how much room do I really need?  A desk a chair and I am good to go!

I am already beginning to see how the things that I am learning will affect what I do for the rest of my life.

I'm beginning to think that college is wasted on the young!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Regrouping and Refocusing

I may whine once in awhile, but after my 5 minute freak-out, I do settle down and regroup.  I've regrouped.,

I think perhaps part of my problem is that I have lost focus.  With so many things going on at the same time, I have shifted my primary focus.  Not cool.

I can fix this.  I can turn it around and prioritize.   Starting today.

I learned this week, that things that I had always been important to me, aren't.  I am not in a good place in regards to some things, so I will have to minimize their importance in my life.  Why spend time and energy where it is not wanted or appreciated?

Wouldn't that energy be better spent in other areas that I have deemed more important?  Can I not pull back in some areas and in some relationships where I am apparently spinning my wheels?  I believe that is the perfect idea.

When I was younger, I came across a Native American prayer, that has always stuck with me.  Okay, the entire thing did not stick, but a very important part of it did.
 
Walk on a rainbow trail; walk on a trail of song and all about you will be beauty.  There is a way out of every dark mist over a rainbow trail
                                                                       ~Navajo Song

I do believe it is time to pin that up again and really think about it.

If I let Myron and Couch Potato win, what exactly have I accomplished?  The downfall of the princess?  We can't have that now, can we?


Boot straps are pulled up, head is held high and I am off to the Dtour site to plan my week!

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Ashamed

This was a bad week.  I'm still adjusting to the  new schedule, some things happened on a personal level that upset me, and then work turned into a nightmare.  It is one of those horrific times when you want to walk around with your back against the wall to save it from having any more knives inserted.

Then, to top it off, I went on an eating binge last night.  I will not even tell you what I ate as I am beyond embarrassed by it.  Let's just say it wasn't good.

Where is the little switch that you throw to turn off the emotional eating machine?  Have I lost all of my will power?  What on earth is going on with me?  This is insane!

I am doing some serious damage to myself and my goals here.  I just need to figure out how to stop it!

Where has all of my strength gone?  If someone happens to see it, could you send it home?

Thursday, January 27, 2011

New Recipe

Last week, in the chaos of everything going on we needed a couple of quick meals that could be made as people arrived home.

This recipe scores a home run!  You have got to try it!!

it is from the wonderful people at Dlife!  I just love Dlife.com!




Nutrition Facts

Makes 4 servings
Amount Per Serving

Calories
333.8

Total Carbs
31.8 g

Dietary Fiber
3.8 g

Sugars
1.8 g

Total Fat
16 g

Saturated Fat
3.9 g

Unsaturated Fat
12.1 g

Potassium
275.4 mg

Protein
15.4 g

Sodium
718 mg

Dietary Exchanges
2 1/4 Fat, 1 1/2 Meat, 2 Starch

Powered by ESHA
Serves 4
Description: http://www.dlife.com/diabetes/img/recipe/icon_ingredients.gifIngredients
2 large whole wheat pitas , pocket less
6 tbsp Spread, hummus, scallion, refrigerated
1/2 lb cooked chicken breast , skin and bone removed, chicken coarsely shredded
1/2 cup low sodium shredded mozzarella
6 Olives, green, manzanilla, stuffed , chopped

Directions
1 Preheat the broiler. Place the pitas on a baking sheet and broil 4-5 inches from heat source until golden, about 45 seconds per side. Carefully remove the pan, leaving the broiler on.
2 Spread 3 tablespoons of hummus, almost to the edge, evenly onto each pita. Place the chicken on top of the hummus, sprinkle with cheese, and top with olives. Broil both pizzas until the cheese melts, about 50-70 seconds.
Additional Information
There are many flavors of hummus, try experimenting with them all.
Source: dLife


Tuesday, January 25, 2011

The joke is on me!

Sometimes I am my own worst enemy!  I went to Algebra tonight fully intending to be confused and frustrated again.  You will never believe this . . .

The things that had me so confused over the weekend was material that we are not going to be covering until April!  Yes April!  We are not going straight through the book, we are skipping around!

I explained to my instructor what I was confused about.  He looked at me funny and said: "Since we are not covering that until April, I wouldn't expect you to understand it yet."

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.  I went with laughing as it seemed the better of the two choices; and I did feel pretty foolish.

So, all is not lost and I am not as stupid as I thought I was!

The Boy was vastly entertained when I told him about it!

Monday, January 24, 2011

Help!

Algebra and Biology are kicking my butt!  I can not even begin to explain how frustrating this is!  I spent 7 hours yesterday and 9 hours on Saturday studying, and I STILL don't understand what the heck I'm doing.

I got so frustrated this evening that The Boy actually made me stop and put the books down.  He's a good boy!

I'll take a deep breathe and try again tomorrow.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

It's Time

I was wondering what to write about today.  'I've spent the day studying, but as I was diligently working on my homework, thoughts kept invading my brain.  Thoughts that had nothing to do with Computer Applications, Algebra, or Biology.  Well, maybe a bit to do with Biology.


I checked in on Facebook at one point and found the following video that someone had posted.  Take a moment to watch it, then we will talk more.








The funny thing is, that before I watched this video, I had been thinking about writing today about natural "organic" foods, and water and medicines.  That perhaps if we went back to the way things were.  Got back to our roots, we would all be a lot happier and healthier.

Then I saw this.  I was dumbstruck.  This is exactly what I had been thinking about.  I think we all need to sit down and watch this movie.  We need to listen to these women, these very wise and revered women.

The talk about the destruction of our rain forests.  We are perhaps killing off miracles of science.  The cure for cancer could be out there!  Even better, the cure for common cold may lie in some rare indigenous plant that no one has yet seen!

If we go back to growing our own foods and get away from all the preservatives and additives in our foods, how much better would we all feel?  Heck, if we stopped giving hormones to cows, men may stop growing breasts!

Perhaps the world leaders, perhaps all of us; should stop.  Just pause for a moment and listen to these women.  Maybe we could change the world for the better.

No more obesity, no more Diabetes.  If only we could . . .

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Self Acceptance

Sometimes things come along that are so apropos, so utterly perfect; they can stand on their own.  Someone very dear to me posted this on my facebook page.  
I think it says anything and everything I could say tonight.  Let me know what you think!

Self-acceptance-- Don’t compare yourself with anyone else. The only thing that you will be the best at is being yourself. Don’t compare your self to yourself of what you once were or what you will become. The only place you can truly live is in the Now. Accept that you are wise and foolish, knowledgeable and ignorant, kind and cruel, loving and vengeful….. You are uniquely you. Ask your self questions to get the answers you both desire and despise. All in all accept yourself, not as how others would have you to be or how you would want yourself to be, but how you are right now. This is the beginning of love. To know self is not always pleasant but it is what it takes to love one’s self
~Bim Willow, from A Good Life

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

I hate feeling like this!

The migraine started yesterday on the way into work.  Despite my best efforts, meds and all; I found myself at the Doctor's office late Monday afternoon to get "The Shot".

The Shot is a heady mix of Demerol and Darvoset.  It will put a small elephant down for quite awhile.  I crawled into bed and was pretty much gone for the night.  However, at about midnight, I woke with a terribly sore throat and had to be sick.  There I was for the rest of the night, miserable with the flu that Wonderful Hubby and Charming Son had passed along.

I had still intended to go into work this morning, despite a high fever and chills and all the other wonderful aches and pains that the flu can bring.  My car, however, decided that it was too cold to start and I was stuck.  I took this as a sign that I was not supposed to go into work.  This turned out to be a good decision as simply walking up the stairs exhausted me.   I tried to study, to make some use of the day; but I ended up sleeping most of the day away.

What does this have to do with my journey?  Simple.  Because of the roller-coaster that was my stomach today, I did not take my vitamins or other supplements today.  I have felt crappy all day.

I know that I was sick, but I've been sick before and have not felt this badly.  I am beginning to think that this whole vitamin thing may have some credence to it!


I hope that I can have my smoothie tomorrow morning!

 

Monday, January 17, 2011

Falling of my own wagon

I have made comments before about emotional eating.  You all know that I tend to eat my turmoil.  I have even made a comment or two regarding food addiction.

I am rethinking my former position.  Friday evening, The Boy had a spot of trouble.  He called home for help.  I calmed him down and then sent is father after him (The Boy had my car, so I was stuck).

Once I got off the phone with him, I headed straight for the kitchen, without even realizing what exactly I was doing.  Not cool.

Saturday, I had to go into work for a bit and something awful happened while I was there.  I didn't even wait until I got home. I stopped at a fast food restaurant on the way home!  Even less cool.

I am very frustrated and angry with myself.  (Yes, that makes me want to head for the kitchen as well!)  I need to stop this!

I am at a loss as to where my self control was.  I have always been a bit lax, but lately, I seem to be helpless when it comes to this topic.  I loathe myself after words, and create a terrible downward spiral for myself.

I am better than this.  I know I am.  I just need to figure out how to put a leash on myself.

Perhaps I could wrap the refrigerator with that wire used in electrical fencing.  Then I would get a giant zap every time I went for the fridge!

Hmmmm. . . that might just work . .

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Sorry it has been a couple of days without a post.  I am struggling just a bit with the new schedule.  I'll get used to it.  It is just going to take some time.

I started classes at the beginning of the week with a lot of trepidationBy the time Friday evening came around, I was brimming with excitement and joy!  

I may not have gotten the best grades in college the first time around, as I tend to test very badly; I loved learning.  I feel a shiver of excitement when presented with a new idea.  A new concept that I have to struggle to understand. I still get a charge out of it!

I really felt happy and proud of myself this week.

That in itself is a major step forward!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Evil Scale

Ha ha!  I have finally beaten that stupid, stuck scale!  Just for kicks and giggles I hopped on this morning, fully expecting to see the same frustrating number that has been haunting me for more than 2 months.  Imagine my joy at seeing a number 2 lbs less!  Yea me!

Yes, I am aware that it is 'only' two pounds, but at this point, that is a major accomplishment!  I guess all that trudging around campus losing buildings is good for something!

I almost have my first week under my belt.  I am exhausted! I came home from class last night, sat down and did my homework for today's class, had the boy look it over (yes, it was Algebra), and fell into bed.

I am going to need a little time to adjust to the new, much crazier schedule.  But, I can do it.  I know that I can!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

New Nemesis

I have met my new nemesis and it is Algebra!  I was never good at "letter math" when I was younger and it doesn't seem that age has helped any.

 I sat there as a young man, not much older than The Boy, discussed his rules for the class and then broke us down into groups to work on a problem.

And a problem it was!  Why do I care how many hands are shaken if everyone in a room shakes hands?  Can't we just shake hands and have done with it?  

Yeah, yeah, I know, that isn't the point.  It still seems silly to me.

However, then I came home to my wonderful boys and they made it all make sense to me.  I even figured out how to modify a formula from increasing numbers to decreasing numbers; hint:  (n+1) becomes (n-1) when you want to subtract.  This was discovered by a man named Johann Carl Friedrich Gauss, widely acknowledged as the most famous mathematician of all time.  (There's a fact I could have gone the rest of my life without!)

Math won't be so scary.  I have my boys to help me and a good brain on my shoulders.  I should be able to get this!

Hear that Myron?  No matter what you try to disguise yourself as, I am on to you!  At the end of the day, I will win, and you will eat my dust! 

Monday, January 10, 2011

No one really knows why someone stops the forward momentum of their lives.  They may be 'stuck' and don't know where to go or what to do.  Perhaps something has occurred in their lives to make them stall in certain areas of their lives.  There may be trauma or sadness that keeps them from finishing something they have started.

This morning as I was trudging through the snow trying to find the building that I had lost again, I felt as if I was on my way to slay a dragon.  My past.  

I figured out a long time ago that this journey was about much more than losing weight and changing the way that I eat.  Today was a major step forward for me in a lot more ways than one!

I can do this!  I can conquer college!  I can also finally, finally, put my past behind me and move forward without the ghosts and fears.

Huh . . maybe I should go upstairs and weigh myself.  I feel 20 pounds lighter today!

Sunday, January 9, 2011

New Adventure!

Tomorrow is the start of my new adventure.  After all the stress and upset the day is upon me.  Classes start tomorrow!  8AM Biology.  I'm starting with a science class!  Scary!

Hubby and I paid a visit to campus today to figure out where exactly I need to do and where to park.  Luckily, the buildings that I need to go to are all grouped right together and there is student parking close by.

The buildings all look so big, I'm afraid that I am going to get lost.  I know that I'm being paranoid.

Hubby told me today that he is jealous of me, he loved college!  I'm hoping now that I have a really good purpose and goal, I will enjoy it more also.

Think about me at 8AM tomorrow!  I'm a co-ed!!

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Feeling in the groove

My vitamins came the other day, along with the powder supplements I add to my smoothies.  The weird thing is, that I've been using them for two days and am already feeling better and my head is in a much better place.

I am looking toward menu planning this evening and doing a full grocery shopping tomorrow.  I even asked wonderful hubby to go throw the remaining ice cream that was in the freezer away!  If that doesn't demonstrate commitment on my part, I don't know what does!

Earlier this week when I was sending information about the Outsmart Diabetes (Dtour) plan to my friend I happened to reread the information regarding the Fat Fighting four:
Fiber
Calcium
Omega3s
Vitamin D
Wait, what was that last one?  Vitamin DHow on earth did I forget about that? What are the chances that someone with a Vitamin D deficiency could have trouble dropping weight?

Hmmmmm . . .

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Losing my Way?

I have been looking over some of my past posts this evening.  It seems like I am getting away from my original focus.  The weight loss and the eating plan.  Perhaps I have strayed a bit as this journey has seemed to have taken on a life of its own.

Something happened yesterday to remind me of what the point of this venture is. It has been on my mind today and I must admit, I am amazed with myself.

My weight loss has seemed to have slowed down over the  holidays and lately I have been feeling a bit discouraged.  

I went shopping for last minute school things yesterday, and my mom went with me.  I had to get some new boots and I despise shoe shopping.  (Yes, I am really a girl.  I'm just a girl with children's size feet and it is hard to find shoes in my size.)

I also needed some gloves and a hat to keep me warm while I am wandering around campus.  My eyes landed on a brightly strapped cap with a pink and white flower on it.  I had to try it!  I put on the happy little hat and found a pair of bright pink gloves to to along with them.  My mom looked at me and started to laugh.  She said I looked cute in the hat.  (I am normally not a hat person.)

As we were leaving to head to find boots, the hat and gloves in a small bag swinging from my hand; it dawned on me that I had just purchased bright colors.  My wardrobe has been mostly black, gray and dull colors the last few years.

It seemed like the larger I became, the darker and baggier my clothing became.  When I was young I favored bright colors.  I have found my way back to bright happy colors.

I feel like I am breaking a shell that was hemming me in.  As I am becoming happier and healthier again, the bright colors are coming back into my clothing.

I like happy.  Happy is good!  I haven't lost my way at all.  As a matter of fact.  I think I am finally on the right path after wandering in the dark for far too long!

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Reenergized

Wow! What an emotional roller coaster today has been!  I think I had a for-real anxiety attack.  Complete with racing heart, dizziness, and breathlessness.  It was scary!  I'm over it now.  

What brought it on?  Today was the day I got my books and other things I needed for school.  Among them was an incredibly heavy box of books (not one brain-candy book in the bunch), some very intimidating and overwhelming calculators.  Although I'm not sure if they are really calculators, or that diagnosis thing that Dr. McCoy used to use; not the salt shaker thing, the  square one with all the blinky lights and eerie whine.

So when that was over, I was afforded the opportunity to talk to someone about the Outsmart Diabetes plan (formerly the Dtour diet).  That one act, just talking to someone about the plan calmed me down.  Not only did it settle me, it brought back to me why I was going back to school.  It reminded me of what I am now so passionate about!

My new purpose is to help other people who are where I was in February.  I want to help people who are frustrated and overwhelmed with their new challenges.  I can do that, I can help people cope with a new life plan.  

It may have been a roller coaster of a day, but I think I ended in a good place.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Getting Over It

Okay, I took a deep breath and am trying to suck it up.  My wonderful boys are convinced that I can do this college thing.  I'm glad they are so sure.  Perhaps, they can be confidant enough for all of us, because I think people on Mars can hear my knees knocking together.

I'm sure that I will calm down as soon as I start.  Get a class or two under my belt and I'll be fine!  Right?

I am still full speed ahead on everything.  I am even in the middle of doing some research on a question I was asked about breaking food up throughout the day.  I am finding out all sorts of interesting things and hope to have it ready to share in the next day or so.

Hopefully I will get my books tomorrow and that will calm me down a bit.

Let's hope I can sleep tonight!

Monday, January 3, 2011

Scared to Death!

The agreement was that I be honest here with what is going on with my journey.

Major failure tonight.  I totally freaked out today.  Not only that, I went to  Burger King!  Bad move.  And make no mistake, I am paying for it in more ways than you can imagine!

What caused the meltdown?  The realization that in 7 days, one week, 168 hours. . .I start school!  I am going back to college!  What the Mary-Janes was I thinking?  Am I insane?  What on earth made me think that I could go back to school?

I was a horrible student!  I hated college.  I do not test well, at all; and colleges love tests!  It's practically what are built on.  I swear that professors and college deans are paid bonuses for every test they force you to take.  Not only that, but they make you pay for the torture!  Something is just messed up about that!

What was I thinking?  What makes me think I can do this?

Okay, I know, I need to pull it together!

Did I mention that I'm terrified?

Sunday, January 2, 2011

New Year, New Recipe!

We are back to a favorite topic of mine - NEW RECIPE NIGHT!!!

Tonight's fare was Blackened Cajun Salmon and quinoa Katie style.  I believe the salmon received a solid 10 and the quinoa a respectable 5.  As The Boy said, "I don't like it, but I don't hate it.  It's a solid 5."  (I was so 'thrilled' by the assessment.)

The salmon came from my favorite site, Dlife.com.  There is actually a television program that goes along with the site; every Sunday at 7:00 PM on CNBC.  This recipe was featured last week and I couldn't get it out of my head.

Mother Love's Slammin' Blackened Salmon

Source: dLifeTV co-host Mother Love
Salmon with a pecan glaze. 
            
Prep Time:   5 minutes    
Cook Time:   10 minutes  
Difficulty:      INTERMEDIATE     

Servings
Ingredients
1/4 cup chopped pecans
1/4 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup Margarine, hard, safflower oil , melted
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1 1/2 lb salmon fillet
1 tbsp olive oil
4 tsp cajun seasoning , or more to taste
8 cup Lettuce, cos, fresh, shredded (or mixed baby greens)
1/4 tsp black pepper
1/4 cup Salad Dressing, French, fat free

Directions
  1. 1 Mix together pecans, sugar, margarine and vanilla in small bowl. Thin with hot water, if needed. Set aside.
  2.  Preheat indoor electric grill or heavy skillet over medium-high heat. Pat salmon dry with paper towels. Brush both sides of salmon with olive oil and sprinkle with spice mix. 
  3. Place fish in grill or skillet and cook 6 to 8 minutes, turning once, or until salmon in blackened, cooked through and firm to the touch. 
  4. Meanwhile, cook glaze ingredients until  caramelized.
  5. Place greens on serving platter. Sprinkle with black pepper and drizzle with French dressing. Cut salmon into 8 pieces and place over greens. Top salmon with glaze mixture.
I have to say that It was pretty amazing!  Wonderful Hubby even liked it and declared it a Do-Over.  You have to understand that Hubby dislikes fish, so this made the praise even dearer.  This dish is bound to become a new classic dish around here!