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Tuesday, June 29, 2010

A lesson in love

It was suggested to me recently that I have become obsessed with my "new" weight loss "thing".  Okay, I can accept that, I do tend to get blinders on and get really focused on new projects until I have them well in hand.  The issue that I had with this particular 'suggestion' was that I was becoming obsessed to the point that I was ignoring my family and friends and being selfish in my single-minded obsession to become skinny.

Yeah, I thought that was rather harsh too.  Primarily because the entire reason for starting this journey was that I wanted to be able to be here for my family.  We lost my Father when I was 22 and he never got to see any of his grandchildren.  One of my Grandfather's died from complications from Diabetes when I was still a baby, so he was not a part of my life either.  

I have a wonderful husband.  We want to grow old together.  I have this amazing best friend.  I imagine the two of us hanging out on the porch together grousing at the neighborhood children way into our 70s.  I plan on making my son and his future wife crazy by spoiling my grandchildren rotten.  Those are family moments that need to be experienced as a family!  Those are important things!

Besides that, isn't taking care of myself, taking care of my family?  This has been an adventure for the entire family.  Everyone is involved.  We do this together, just like we do everything else, as a team.

Today, The Boy had a follow up appointment with his surgeon.  He was having a bit of a meltdown because he was in pain, he was sore and he couldn't eat.  He was in a bit of a state, but we worked through it.  On the way home he dropped off to sleep.  I looked over at him for a minute and thought, 'How could I not be here for this.  How could I not do everything in my power to make sure I am here when he needs support."

Selfishness would be continuing down the path I was going.  That path was easy.  I ate whatever I wanted, did whatever I chose.

The people who mean the most to me have always told me that anything worth doing is never easy; they also told me that sometimes love is difficult.  They were correct on both counts.  This is the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life.  However, it is also the most important.  But selfish?  I don't think so. 

This act, this thing I'm doing?  This is the definition of unselfish love.

Try it, you'll like it.

Monday, June 28, 2010

My new favorite toy!!

Okay, here I am, day two of my caffeine detox.  Does anyone have any coffee?  Anyone?  Please?  Just a sip?  At this point, I'd even go for a whiff of succulent brew.

Alright, enough about my favorite drug.  Let me tell you about my new toy.  My wonderful friend Arlene loaned me her juicer to use during my "boot camp" experience.  It is also coming in handy during The Boy's recovery.

Anyway, this evening I got brave and decided to juice veggies for the first time.  Fruit is one thing, but veggies have always terrified me in juice form.  I don't know why.  It just seems to me that they belong stuffed in a napkin or hidden under mashed potatoes or something of that ilk.

So anyway, I grabbed some veggies and began to throw them into the juicer.  Have you ever played with a juicer?  Best adult kitchen toy EVER!!!  It like makes this really cool noise, and then spits juice out one end and really pretty mushy stuff out the other end!

It tasted really good!  Well I thought so.  I think I'm pretty much the only one.  Mom looked rather disgusted and The Boy apologized for not liking it  (he bailed!).   That's okay, it was more for me!

I have decided that the juice machine is my new best friend!  You gotta try it!! 

Sunday, June 27, 2010

The Brightside of Surgery

Happy Sunday!

We have a new Champion in the Weigh in Wars!  The new winner and reigning championing is . . . 
THE BOY!!!   With a total weekly weight loss of 8, yes I said 8 pounds!!!

Guess it helps to have jaw surgery and not be able to eat. (DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!)

The rest of us sort of pale in comparison but here are our meager statistics:

Amazingly wonderful hubby:  -.5 lbs
Me:  -2.5 lbs (It was walking that damn hallway!)

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Sacrifice

I have a few passionate loves in my life.  There are a very few things, outside of my family and friends that have been constant comforts in my life. Books are one and another is coffee.  I love my coffee.  It is a known fact that I can be bought for Starbucks!  I admit, I am a died in the wool Starbucks snob.  I love good, strong, rich, aromatic coffee.  I can conquer any day as long as it has started with that lovely smell and first cup of liquid bliss.

As I was reading through my "Boot Camp" material, preparing for shopping tomorrow I cam across the most horrific statement I have ever seen! (http://www.mckeithinteractive.com)
Tea, coffee, "energy" drinks - all have negative effects on blood sugar, increase toxic load and can have negative effects on mind and mood as well as contributing to hormone issues. They reduce your capacity to deal with stress. Ideally I`d recommend you give these drugs up or, at least reduce your consumption to an absolute minimum and use them in the morning only. Stimulants like these reduce the quality of your sleep and can set up a cycle of what amounts to sleep deprivation - this leads to you needing the drugs and becoming more dependent on them. It is time to stop. Do it for a week and you will find your need for them is significantly reduced.
Now, I have given up a lot of things since February:
  • sweets - all of them
  • chocolate
  • Ice cream (full strength)
  • Pastries
  • Cakes
  • Fast Food
  • The Dairy Freeze (they are still in business, though I believe they are suffering)
  • And lots and lots more!!
Now it's my coffee?!  Will this madness never end?  I'm not sure about this.  I've been very good and very tolerant.  I have followed all food plans and and all other instructions with the minimum of complaint (no matter what anyone says!); but now we are talking something serious.

This could be a deal breaker.  This could be the end of our family.  The coffee pot is on a timer and hubby sets it up every night so the coffee is ready in the morning.  As I have said before, that is more out of self defense than love.  What will happen when there is no coffee in the morning?  This could spell the end of our happy home.

Okay, enough whining.  I committed to try it.  And it is only for a week, right?  7 days?  I can go 7 days without coffee, can't I?  Deep breath.  

 

Off I go again!!

I have always considered my tenaciousness to be one of my finer qualities.  My dad and Grandfather said I was like a dog with a bone and would never let anything to until I got my own way!  However, I prefer my outlook.  (I come off much better in my point of view.)

Before I wrote the blog the other day regarding self esteem and weight, I had been thinking about it for quite awhile.  Many people had suggested that I try Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, LA Weight Loss and all of those programs.  "The group support"  they told me, "would help.  You are such a social person."  I had tried all of those programs in the past.  We've discussed that before.  They didn't work.  Here is why I believe they didn't work for me:
  • Lots of strict rules (I'm not very good at that)
  • Food was good or bad.  (if you ate "bad food" you were made to feel like a bad person.  Oh sure, they used lots of sweet, sugary words; but a bat is a bat when it hits your head.0
  • Not one of these programs discussed over eating as a symptom of something else.  No one said: You over eat.   Why do you do that?  Let's figure that out.
  • Most of them gave me a diet or a plan to follow while I lost weight and then I was on my own.  Not one of them really taught me how to eat for the rest of my life.  Weight Watchers came the closest, but if you think about it, in order for that plan to work, you end up going to meetings for the rest of your life.  Weight Watchers may be fronting for Food Eaters Anonymous.  Who wants to go to meetings for the rest of their life and hear about 'BAD FOOD'???  Count me out of that one! 
Where am I going with this?  I am so glad you asked!  If you have been following along, you know that I have become a fan of Gillian McKeith, the Queen of Mean from England.  She is a Holistic Nutritionist who helps people lose weight and keep it off.  She has a really interesting approach.  I have been reading her books and as a Holistic healer, she deals with the whole person.  So she helps deal with the deeper issues behind eating as well.

In spectacular Katie fashion, I have jumped off the deep end and today and starting the Gillian McKetih Boot Camp.  (Sounds Ominous doesn't it?).  I have done some research and I can incorporate my Dtour Lifestyle into this plan.  Actually, they will work together very well.  This in an intensive two week plan and then less intensive for another 12 weeks.  For at least the first two, I am required to keep a food diary and I have many daily tasks to perform.  Today looks like a full boat.

How I am going to handle two eating plans and a child recovering from surgery, I'm not sure.  Perhaps my Dad and Grandpa were right all along with the whole bone thing. . .

Friday, June 25, 2010

Mega Smoothie

Today was crash day.  You know, one of those days when days and days, in this case, weeks, of stress catch up with you and you sort of . . .crash.

I kinda fell apart in Meijer today.  I found myself standing in the middle in the middle of a grocery isle and suddenly couldn't remember what I was supposed to be getting or why I was even there.  I wanted to burst into tears for no reason.  I think I was on emotional overload.  Then of course, I lost the car in the parking lot.

By the time I made it home, I realized I only had half of the ingredients that I needed for dinner.  I was ready to give up.

A few months ago this would have meant a trip to McDonalds, Burger King or some other evil Fast food restaurant.   Tonight, I pulled out the blender and began to throw smoothie ingredients into it.  

I will admit that I went a little overboard, I started throwing pretty much anything I could get my hands on into the mix.  I started singing and giggling as I was tossing things merrily into the whirling little machine.  I told you emotional overload.

However, it was the best smoothie I have made to date!  I was freaking awesome!  Now if only I could remember what I put in it!

I'm making progress and am really proud of myself for staying on the straight and narrow when things got rough.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Which came first?

So, I've been doing some reading as I've been sitting here nursing the incredible swelled faced boy.  I've been doing some reading on weight and self esteem.  Surprise, surprise, they are linked.  Imagine that!!  Somebody earned a really expensive PHD figuring that one out!

The thing is, there doesn't seem to be a determination as to which comes first.  It's sort of one of those chicken and egg things.  So, do we eat and gain weight because we have low self esteem OR do we eat and gain weight which in turn torpedo our once healthy self worth?

Does it matter?  In the end you're overweight and feel like crap about yourself.  What I really want to know is why are we wasting all of these research dollars trying to figure out how we got here?  Wouldn't those funds be better served attempting to help us figure out how to fix both?  I mean, come on, the barn door is open and the horse is loose and not happy with itself.  Can't all these researches lure it back to the barn before the poor thing has eaten it's own weight in oats and hay?

Forget the researchers, they have no clue what is happening in the real world anyway.  So, as usual, it is up to us to figure out how to fix this tiny problem. Self Esteem and Weight.  Why do we tie them together?

Personally, I know I've always had issues with self esteem.  I have never felt good about myself, so why should I take care of myself?  That was what I told myself.  Now I have a whole new problem.  My son wants me around to spoil my grandchildren (should there be any).  

That, however, would mean that I was doing this for someone else, not myself.  I have figured out, FINALLY, that road leads to ruin.

I have to like myself, I have to want to do this for me.  I have to honestly believe that I deserve the time and effort that this is going to take.  I have to face down my demons and discover what it is that everyone else likes about me.  Because, frankly, I don't see it most of the time.

If I am going to lose this weight, if I am going to put the time and effort, and energy into that project.  I have to honestly believe, deep down in my own heart and soul, that I am worth it.

Now that is an entirely new level to this journey.  I glanced down that path.  Sort of like an offshoot from the dreaded Hallway of earlier in the week.  I think it is paved with burning lava stone.

Here is what I have realized folks.  If we are really going to make a lifestyle change, and lose the weight and start and exercise program, we have to convince ourselves that we are worth it.

Okay, everyone go to the mirror.  Take a good look, and repeat after me.  
"Hi, my name is (insert your name here) I'd like to be your friend."  

I'm not sure if that is the best place to start, but it is the only way I know to begin.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Choices

Yesterday at the hospital with They Boy was an eye opening experience in more ways than one.  Of course, as any mother would be, I was nail-biting terrified until we had the all clear from the surgeon that he was out of surgery and everything had gone perfectly.  After that, when I had the chance to breathe, I began to look around me a bit.  What I saw, made me recommit all over again to our new life style.

Have you ever gone into a hospital and just looked at who is checking in and out?  Who are the patients?  What are they like?  What are they're lifestyles?  What are they in the hospital for?

Let me tell you what I observed:  3 out of 5 of the people checking into that hospital yesterday were overweight.  Most of them obese.  These poor folks were having trouble walking down The Hallway.  A lot of them were having trouble breathing, and almost all of them looked as if they were having difficulty just moving in general.

I overheard several conversations about bariatric surgery.  I even heard some woman say that it is the new "magic pill" for weight loss.  I wanted so badly to tap her on the shoulder and ask her if she had checked out the mortality rate of surgery vs changing her eating habits and perhaps not eating the snickers bar she had in her hand.  I kept my mouth shut (I know, surprising isn't it?) but I really, really wanted to say something.

I know we live in a fast paced instant society.  But come on, I'm sure she didn't have surgery to put the weight on!  There are times when weight loss surgery is necessary and more than ligament.  But to actually use it as a method of weight loss?  What does her list look like any way?
  1. Cut back on sweets
  2. Diet
  3. Weight Watchers
  4. Jenny Craig
  5. Diet & Exercise 
  6. Surgery!

I thought about that as I was striding down The Hallway for the billionth timeI wasn't winded.  I wasn't wasn't wheezing.  I was moving easily, with no difficulty (other than being hopelessly lost in the damn never-ending Hallway!).

Our way may be slower, but when we are done, we will not have an unsightly scar, our stomachs will be whole; and we will have learned how to not only maintain our svelte new bodies, but we'll also understand which nutrients to put into those bodies to keep them healthy and happy.

What will our surgery lady have learned?  Probably the phone number of the surgeon to call the next time she OD's on snickers bars.

Which way do you prefer?

Monday, June 21, 2010

The Hallway

Today was an incredibly stressful day for me.  In my 'pre-Dtour life' it would have been a day that would have called for massive quantities of chocolate and caffeine, immediately followed by the comfort foods of greasy and starch topped off with some sort of gooey ice-cream concoction (because I deserved it).  Not today!

Let me back up and start at the beginning.  The Boy had surgery today.  Nothing life threatening; it was some oral surgery necessary for his orthodontic treatment.  It is also necessary because his bite, his chewing and his stomach are all affected by the issue that is being corrected.  We came to Ann Arbor Michigan for the surgery because our Orthodontist recommended the surgeon - Who is amazing!

During his surgery, my mother 'suggested' that I eat.  We managed to find some healthy cheese, crackers, celery and dip at the cafe outside the waiting room.  I found it really easy to resist the chocolate croissant; after all, mom was there.  There was absolutely NO chance she would let me have something like that, no matter how much I whined.  Yes, I am not above whining if I really want a sweet.  It doesn't do me any good anymore, but I have to at least try, right?

After the very successful surgery; I had my first encounter with "The Hallway".  The Hallway is this very long corridor that seems to run the spine of the entire complex here at St. Joseph Mercy.  We discovered today that all roads seem to begin and end at The Hallway. I do not believe that there is really any beginning or any ending to The Hallway.   It just goes on and on and on and on and.. . .

Anyway, my first encounter was when The Boy was moved from Recovery to his Room on 3East.  This first trip was taken at a sprint!  The nurses were due to get off and I swear that we ran down that hallway!  I got the impression of signs and prints on the walls as we zoomed by, but I had to keep up lest I get left behind and left to wander The Hallway forever, never to see my son again!

Our second trip was from 3East (the boy's room) to the Inn (our room) in the Hospital.  This was our first experience with the Mysterious Morphing Hallway.  We were going down the same hallway.  I'm sure of it, but it didn't look anything like the hallway I had ran down an hour or so before.  We finally managed to find our way down a side corridor to the Inn.  I swear the only safe way off The Hallway is to jump onto these safe little off shoot corridors that save you from the big, bad, scary Hallway.

However, when we went back to go get dinner, we made the same turn we had made before.  But suddenly found ourselves standing in front of the Emergency Room!  Mom and I looked at each other.  We had no idea where that had come from!  The other weird thing, was that earlier in the day I had made the comment that it would be nice if there were little signs with "You are here" spots on them.  That way you would know approximately where you were in The Hallway.  As we walked down this new, different version of The Hallway, there were my signs, as if by magic.  I was beginning to feel like I was in an episode of the Twilight Zone!

Then when we attempted to get back to 3East.  Since we were on the fist floor that should have been easy, right?  Wrong!  While we started out on the first, or ground floor by the time we made it to the elevator, we were on the second floor!  I really don't remember a flight of stairs!  I am not even kidding!  I think that some Psychology Interns are conducting experiments on unsuspecting visitors by somehow changing The Hallway every time you go down.  Not only that, they make the damn thing at least a mile longer each time you traverse it as well!

Suffice it to say, that I didn't eat off plan.  I didn't even have the desire.  Grease turned my stomach and even the thought of ice cream turned into a cup of herbal tea tonight. Not only that, I had my mother along to keep me in line and make sure that I ate.  If she had not been there, I probably would not have eaten anything all day!  However,  I do believe that we have walked approximately 10 miles down The Hallway.

Hubby suggested that perhaps it is like Hogwarts!  The Hallway morphs and changes into whatever you need it to be!

Lesson for today, if you need to come to St. Joseph, bring your walking shoes and be warned; The Hallway is there waiting to swallow you up! 

Sunday, June 20, 2010

DTOUR ROCKS!!!

Today is Sunday; we all know what that means.  My 'favorite' day of the week.  We'll get that out of the way first as I have some really exciting news!  (Exciting for me anyway!)

The Boy:  +1 - But he is really working out so I'm putting it down to muscle weight.
Hubby:  -2 lbs (Normally we would hate him; but as it is Father's Day, We love him instead)
Me:  -2 lbs Yea Me!  But even this pales in comparison to my other news!  (Yes, it's that good!)

When I was diagnosed, my A1C was 7.6.  What is A1C?  Let me see if I can explain it easily.  The A1C test is a blood test similar to the daily blood test monitoring.  But the A1C gives you an overview of what your average blood glucose number was over the last 3 months.  It is useful in helping determine if your chosen treatment plan is working and if your choices are making a difference in your Diabetes control.

They have at home test kits now, so I picked one up as I hadn't had my A1C checked in awhile and I was curious as to how effective the Dtour plan was working.  We had chosen it for a reason and I wanted to see if all the struggle was netting any results.
A1C RESULT 06/20/2010 - 5.6!!!!
Why is this number exciting?  In the world of the A1C - 7 is bad.  7 is the big bad scary number.  As a matter of fact; if Myron played sports, his number would be 7!  Myron probably has a big old number 7 tattooed on his . . . .okay, never mind, I digress.

Since starting - I have lowered my A1C from 7.6 = Monitor Closely to 5.6 = Non-Diabetic levels!!!  Yes, you read that correctly Non-Diabetic levels  Boy do we have a heck of a Father's Day present for Hubby!!

I have to tell you.  I never, NEVER expected this sort of a result.  This is so much more than I ever dared hope for!  If you would have asked me six months ago, I would have told you that this was an unattainable number.  This number represents a gift of life to me.  It is an indication that I am freeing myself from the possibility of suffering from the side effects of Diabetes that scare me so much, blindness, nerve damage, etc.

This program works!  Losing weight is good, I am not going to downplay that by any stretch.  I still have a very long way to go there.  But I am a lot healthier now than I was on February 21st.  I have yet to go to the Doctor and have all my blood levels checked, but I'm sure that they will have started coming in line as well.

Keep your damn chocolate, and the windows at the Dairy Freeze can freeze shut for all I care, I am going to continue to walk this path and see where it takes me.
I'm going to be a lean, mean, in control, Myron stomping, 5K RUNNING woman!  
Anyone care to join me?

I'm formulating a plan for a team to walk in the Step Out for Diabetes event in Kalamazoo in October.  Anyone interested in taking a walk with me?

Saturday, June 19, 2010

The Morning Boogaloo!

This morning was a work morning.  It was also a very, very difficult morning to wake up.  I blame it all on the book I got sucked into last night.  Have we discussed my passion for reading?  It's an obsession.  Any and all knowledge can be found in a book.  If you want to make me happy, take me for  a morning or afternoon at the bookstore.  Barnes and Noble, or Schuler's are favs.

Oops!  Sorry, I derailed my own thought train!  Okay, this morning; workday.  Someone got sucked into a book and neglected to do laundry because she was reading most of the night.  So, there I was this morning standing in front of the closet praying that a totally cute, completely coordinated, and super skinny outfit would jump into my arms, completely accessorized.  (I might as well go for the gusto if I'm wishing, right?"

In the corner of the closet was squeezed my all time favorite skirt.  It's a black wrap-around with pretty pink and white flowers on it.  It's floaty and feminine and has always made me feel pretty.  Well, that's what I remember.  I haven't worn the skirt in more than 6 or 7 years.  Without any real conscious thought, I reached in and grabbed it.

Hubby entered as I was turning from the closet and raised his eyebrows when he saw my much loved skirt.  "Really?"  I didn't want to let him know how much I was praying inside.  So I just shrugged like I didn't really care and said "Thought I'd try."

Not only did the skirt fasten, I had wiggle room!  Which I then demonstrated by dancing around the room in probably the goofiest happy dance on record!  (Thank goodness there was no camera available!)

The little dance lasted all the way down stairs and out to the car!  Yes, I stopped when I got to work, time to be professional and all that.

Remember those non-edible rewards we were talking about?  I just found a HUGE one!!!  

I have some other clothes that haven't seen the light of day since we moved from Sunny LA, I wonder when I can open that box???

Friday, June 18, 2010

Hubby and Katie go to the Health food store.

Alright, here is my pitch for a new reality show.  Katie and Hubby to go the Health Food Store.   It would be one of the funniest program anyone has ever seen.  Here is how I know:

After work yesterday, Hubby picked me up and I suggested that we stop and explore the health food store down the road from where I work.  It is larger than the one in our small town and I thought perhaps it would have somethings that we wanted to try that we had thus far been unable to find.

Never . . .never . . .never in my life had I ever imagined that I would have a good time, no, I take that back, I had FUN in a health food store!  

There we were, going up and down the isles, I kept grabbing packages of weird looking things and saying "Let's try this!  This sounds weird, we should try it!"  Somehow, hubby did not look in any way as enthused with this as I was.

He didn't get excited until he found the 'make your own peanut-butter' machine.  (Note:  hubby doesn't like peanut-butter!)  It also makes almond butter and pretty much butter out of any sort of nut you wanted to stick into it.  I went in another direction before he decided to experiment!

Then we found "THE CASE"  the Izzy case.  This store has an entire cold case devoted to Izzy's.  We love Izzy.  (For those of you that don't know, and Izzy is a sparkling juice that is WAY better than any soda you have ever had!)  I looked at hubby and he had this look on his face like the clouds had parted and sunbeams were shining on the case  Oh yeah, and let's not forget the choir of angels.

We were like two little kids.  The employees were looking at us like we were lunatics (they were not necessarily wrong).  Of course, then we came to the tea isle.  My turn with the clouds, sunbeams, and choir.

We came home with some pasta made from Quinoa, some of the best sauce I have ever had and some boca Italian meatballs.  It was AWESOME!!

Another lesson learned.  Stepping outside your comfort zone can be fun!  Not to mention entertaining to others who may be watching.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Bad

One of our ever growing family here made a comment about yesterday's blog that brought tears to my eyes.  Last nights post was as much of an eureka moment for her as it was for me.  It was freeing for her to think that she could view food as just food and that she was not 'bad' for eating.

Wow!  Did that hit home with me.  Do you know how many times in my life I have thought, and have been told that I was bad because of what I was eating.   My history goes way back to that horrid episode when I received a diet book for my 16th birthday.  Obviously members of my family did not think (at that time) that I was good enough as I was.   There was always something wrong.  I wore the wrong clothes, I had the wrong hairstyle, I didn't wear enough makeup, I didn't have the right shoes.  All I wanted was to be left alone to read my books and hang out with my friends.

Judging other people like that is awful, but the real crime occurs when those people creep into our heads and we wake up one morning and realize, that those voices in our heads, have become our own.

Those voices, that feeling?  That is Myron.  That is the real problem and enemy here.  This is the problem that we can conquer!  If we fail, if we stop now, then we have let ourselves down.

Food is not now, nor has ever been our enemy.  Maybe it has only ever been a symptom.

Okay, I know we have all heard that before, many, many times.  Maybe, we need to hear it again, in a different way for it to sink in and be personal for us, just us.

This is a personal battle.  Even while I'm waging mine on a public forum I had a purpose in that.  I had hoped that what I was thinking and feeling, was hopefully giving voice, to things that all of us, who are struggling to lose a significant amount of weight are feeling.  I have always felt alone in my battle and wanted others out there to know that they are not alone.

So, all together now, let's line all those Myron's in our worlds up and mow them down like the smarmy little bowling pins that they are!


 

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Cheating or Living?

Funny story.  Last night, as I was putting the finishing touches on the post, hubby came home with a surprise for me.  He had been thinking since he had dropped me off at home and thought that one small ice cream would not hurt anything.

You got it; he held out a chocolate dipped ice-cream from the Dairy Freeze!  I do believe that Myron momentarily possessed my wonderful, loving husband!  The Boy started laughing, I simply turned my laptop around and showed hubby the post.  Laughing, he passed the ice-cream to The Boy, who seemed to enjoy it.

I was quite proud of myself.  There it was, my former favorite treat, being held out to me by my loving spouse, and I had NO desire to eat it.  Give it up Myron, my friend, you are toast!

I was home today working on laundry and nursing a migraine.  As has become my habit, I was listening to a program about diet and nutrition.  The Doctor on the show (unfortunately, I never caught his name) had a very interesting take on "cheating" that I have been thinking about all day.

He was going over a food diary with a person who had had a particularly bad day diet-wise.  This patient had gone to a game with some buddies and had indulged in some food that was decidedly off his plan.  The Doctor asked the patient if he thought he cheated.  The patient looked at the Doctor liked he was nuts and said "Yeah, I blew it."

The Doctor responded "No, you lived.  You have a life.  You cheated when you didn't write it down and did not admit to yourself what you ate so you could adjust for it.  That was cheating.  Eating the food was not."

That simple statement has been with me all day.  I could have had that ice-cream last night.  I would have had to walk or ride a little more today, or adjusted a couple of meals.  I had never actually thought of it in that light before, it can be done.

This is a lifestyle change, I have to live.  It is ridiculous to think that I am going to abstain from ice-cream for the rest of my life.  Sooner or later the lure of Dairy Queen will call to me like a mermaid to a sailor.  If I can adjust, perhaps I can have a bit of a taste.

The Boy's birthday is next week.  He was already fretting about a birthday cake because he didn't want me to eat some and 'fall into a diabetic coma' (you have to love teenage drama).  He should not have to worry about such things.  Birthdays are meant to be enjoyed, they are your very own personal holiday!  Birthday cake is a part of Birthdays, that is also a part of life.

I don't want to cheat anymore.  I don't want to beat myself up when I eat something "bad".  Food isn't good or bad.  It's just Food.


I think I'm going to choose to Live.  Eating is part of life.  Sometimes, in life you have to make adjustments, we do it all the time.  I can do that, I can adjust.

Let's not cheat anymore, let's all live life!!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

The Downside of Weightloss

Driving home this evening I passed an old friend (now foe), the Dairy Freeze.  There it sat, just as it always has brightly painted picnic tables, happy faced ice-cream cone on the lit up sign, just waiting to welcome me back.  I sighed a little as we drove passed, and as I turned my head I had a horrible thought.

Is there an economic fallout to my new lifestyle?  Is the Dairy Freeze in danger of closing it's little glass windows without my patronage?  I hadn't thought of that?  Am I perhaps putting cute little teenage girls out of a summer job because I'm not eating my once-nightly ice-cream from the Dairy Freeze?  Think about it?  The economic future of these poor fresh faced children could be on my head!  I really must figure this out!  I mean really!  If people are going to lose their jobs, I may HAVE to start eating ice-cream again, right?  I wouldn't want to be single-handedly responsible for shutting down yet one more industry in Michigan!  (Give me time and I can rationalize anything!)

I got home and grabbed the calculator and began to do some serious figuring.  Last year, I averaged 4-5 cones dipped in chocolate per week.  This was roughly $35.00 per week.  Their season begins in late April-early May and ends sometime in late NovemberUsing these numbers, I was able to glean that I spent approximately $945.00 at the Dairy Freeze last year 

Did anyone else just have to put their eyes back in their head?  That was almost as frightening as a smoker figuring out how much they spend on cigarettes!  I'm shocked!  I'm appalled!  I'm flabbergasted.  
I PAID $945.00 PER YEAR FOR MY THIGHS!
I WANT MY MONEY BACK!!!!!  
YOU CAN TAKE THE THIGHS TOO!!
Okay, so one little teenager is out of work at the Dairy Freeze.  She can go down to the Health Food store in town.  I hear that their business has picked up this year!

So what did we learn from this evening's lesson?  I paid way too much for my thunder thighs, and while I may have caused a small economic pinch for the Dairy Freeze, the Health Food store is experiencing a healthy third quarter thanks to me and my ever thinning legs, and stomach, and hips, and . . . .

UPDATE

Just a quick note this morning to give you all an update.  I'm not sure if it is Myron messing with me or the Angelic crowd.  

Remember those 4 pounds I have been obsessing over?  GONE!  DISAPPEARED!  POOF!  Left just as mysteriously as they appeared; and as if by way of apology, they took another one with them!

Someone is messing with me!  However, as long as those 4 *&$%#@ pounds are gone, I'm not going to complain at the moment!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Why is it when you are already feeling down, the world seems to put a big KICK ME sign on your back?  I'm just wondering because I had a Monday that just wouldn't end today!

  • Woke up late
  • Spilled the first cup of coffee all over
  • Could not find the right clothes
  • Late getting into work
  • Lecture from the family matriarch informing me of my failings as a daughter, mother, wife, daughter-in-law, sister, aunt . . you get the idea.
  • Computers all down at work - my fault, of course.
And so on and so on and so on . . .   I hate Mondays!


You know what?  I realized about 10:00 PM that I was having a hell of a pity party for myself!  What is up with that?  That gets me nowhere, except maybe closer to the refrigerator door!  Maybe the ice cream manufacturers have experienced a drop in sales and they are messing with my mind so that I will begin to purchase as I used to?  Nah, that sounds too expensive even for the amount of ice cream I used to eat!


I asked The Boy to get me a cookie tonight, we opted for Subway (it's on plan!).  He came back cookie-less.  I asked him where my cookie was and he told me if I wanted to poison myself, I would have to do it myself.  How rude is that?


Tomorrow is another day.  Tomorrow will be a better day.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Weigh In Day

I feel like I've let everyone down, but most especially myself.  Weigh in today netted another pound.  That makes a total of 4 pounds gained in one week.

I must admit, I'm really very confused.  My blood sugar has been out of whack all week as well, I'm not sure what that has to do with anything, but I have not been able to get control of it.

Normally, this would be my Waterloo.  I'd quit, my hands would be thrown up in defeat and I'd accept that I am not strong enough to do this and I'd go back to what I had been eating, feeling even worse about myself than I did before.

Does anyone else smell Myron's hand in this?  Yeah, me too.  Myron's piece de resistance  is that The Boy lost 3 pounds!  I hate that Myron.  One of these days, I'm going to squash him like the little worm that he is!

Here is the new FOIL MYRON PLAN
  • Exercise at least 5 days this week.  (No matter how tired I am!)
  • No beef - AT ALL
  • Measure all food - every bit
  • Stick to the plan - no deviations!
  • Fish 3X this week.
  • Test Blood sugar Before and 2 hours after every meal, in the morning and before bed.
I can do these things.  I can stick to that list.

I'm not going to quit, I am not going to give up.  I can do this! 

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Crisis - We are now in Crisis mode!!!!

There was no blog yesterday as I had a small family emergency.  Did you ever read the children's book:
 " Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day"?
 It is the story of a little boy who gets up in the morning and everything that could possibly go wrong, does.  The boy had one of those yesterday, and on the very last day of school.  I felt that emergency measures were called for.  We called for an amnesty to our diet, went to dinner and to Barnes and Nobel (a sure way to cheer up anyone in this family).

Okay, I was a bit naughty at dinner, we ordered spinach & artichoke dip (we all know I can't resist them artichokes!), and I ordered a french dip sandwich, that came with fries.  Before anyone begins yelling  - I DIDN'T EAT ANY FRIES!!!!  I brought home 1/2 of the sandwich and all of the fries for Hubby to eat when he got out of work.  I didn't think I did too bad.

This morning, because I was feeling horribly guilty, I got onto the scale to prove to myself that I was fine.  Do you want to know how fine I was?
+3 POUNDS!!!!!!
 I thought I was going to hyperventilate!  That is the furthest thing from alright I have ever seen!  How on earth did THAT happen?!  I was not that naughty!!!

I went into a full fledged freak-out - Thank Goodness no one else was there to see me fall apart.  I tried blaming the scale, the air (it was really muggy, the air must weigh extra, right?), my toe nail polish (that must add some weight!),  everything and anything I could think of.  During the course of my rant, I lifted my head and came face to face with the weaselly little culprit. . . why oh why did we put a mirror right there?

I have spent the day trying to calm down, I'm not quite there yet.  I have to come up with a plan.  I am not a quitter.  I can not fail at this!  This is too important.  I REFUSE to go backwards.  There must be a fix!  I know there is!  I am not a yo-yo and I cannot allow myself to become one.

I have to recapture my momentum.  I need to get off this plateau by climbing down the weight ladder, not up!  Up is bad!
Think, Katie, think . . .

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Another Chocolate Chicken

We all have those family stories of meals we wish we could forget.  They become 'in jokes' after the fact that bring smiles every time they are mentioned.  A few years ago, The Boy and I attempted a new chicken recipe that had feta cheese and a bunch of other ingredients that should have all gone togetherWe had eaten all the ingredients in the same meal before, so combining them in the same dish seemed like a logical next step. . . WRONG!!!!  I have never been known as the most logical person in the world.  It was hideous!  The Boy and I ended up eating peanut butter that night.  Hubby was brave enough to eat it, well some of it, he was starving and he has an iron stomach.

Why am I taking you down this rather embarrassing stroll down memory lane?  Breakfast.  Remember yesterday I said that I was actually going to attempt to prepare a Dtour Diet recipe called Mango-Ginger Smoothie this morning?  It was Chocolate Chicken revisited!  The Boy had the first sip, I didn't see it, but rumor has it that his face was awful (or hysterical) and he quickly set his glass downI had paused to grab a spoon as it looked rather thick.  I dipped my spoon in, took a taste, and thought I had I was going to loose the contents of my stomach!  It was vile!

The Boy looked at me, smiled and said, "It's Chocolate Chicken all over again Mom."  We walked back into the kitchen, poured the contents of our glasses down the drain and reached for the peanut butter!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

The Morning After

Guess what!  The sun came up this morning!  Well, sort of, there was sun under a bunch of fog, but you get the idea.  So, as much as I like to think I am the center of the universe, when I make a mistake, the world does NOT come to an end.

Hallelujah!  Being the center of the universe is way more pressure than I want!

I was proud of myself this morning.  I woke up, promised myself I was going to keep my word and not beat myself up for 'falling off the wagon' yesterday and went down to get my coffee.  Coffee was followed by a breakfast that was on plan.  Lunch was left over Hippy Dinner; it is one of those meals that is better the day after by the way; sans the cupcake.  Dinner consisted of our modified homemade pizza.  

I made it back on plan with no real bump in my road.  I didn't even really think about it; it just came naturally to me!  How awesome is that!  

This weekend it is back to doing a whole week grocery shopping and meal prep for the week, I can do this, I can stay on track even when I make a mistake.

Tomorrow I'm even being brave enough to attempt a new recipe at breakfast,  Ginger-Mango Smoothie.  Understand that this takes great will and effort; I am NOT a morning person. 

The coffee pot is on a timer.  Hubby, bless his heart, sets it up the night before so when I come down in the morning the coffee is good to go.  This is less of a loving gesture than plain old self-defense!  But, since he is a wonderful husband, we call it love.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Stress

I've been doing so very well for so long, today I finally caved.  I went a little off the rails.

The boy is having surgery in a couple of weeks.  He is fine, it is oral surgery that is necessary for the orthodontic work he needs.  In a way it is really cool, they are moving his lower jaw forward.  Today was the pre-surgical appointment to get all the testing, questions and paperwork taken care of.

Between appointments we went to lunch at Olgas.  We all love Olgas.  I ordered more food than I should have.  I told myself it was because I was really hungry (I wasn't).  It was nerves.  The boy had ordered his meal with fries.  I have done fine with this in the last few months, no problems.  Today, there was a problem.  I kept snatching fries from his plate.  Finally, he moved his plate out of my reach and glared at me!

When we got home, since it was only he and I we decided it was Fend for Yourself Night.  Fried Eggs and Toast.  I went straight for the comfort food.

I know better than this.  I even knew what I was doing as it was happening, it didn't seem to make a difference.  I was stressed, I was worried and I wanted comfort food.  I guess it could have been worse; I didn't eat an entire cake, carton of ice cream, or even go near any chocolate.  I think that deserves points.

In the past, I would have spent the next few days beating myself up, telling myself I was worthless, spineless, and had no self-control.  Do you want to know what I have realized the truth is?  I'm human, I was stressed, my resistance was low and I slipped.  That is all it was, a slip, it was not the end of the world.  The world will still continue to spin on it's axis and the sun will come up tomorrow even though I ate some fries.

Tomorrow morning, I'll get up, make breakfast on plan and get back to work.  I made a mistake, a slip.  It's fixable.

Monday, June 7, 2010

This morning on the Today Show, Al Roker did a segment on his weight loss journey and he discussed a conversation he had with his father shortly before his father passed away.  His dad talked to him about his weight.  He lost the ability to speak that evening.  Talk about a wake up call.

So today, I had lots of people asking me what made me "all of a sudden" decide to do something about my weight.  I had to remind myself that these individuals really didn't understand how callous and hurtful they were being and bit back laughter.

Do people really think that I just woke up one morning and said.  "Hey, I'm fat, I'm a diabetic and I'm going to stop eating bad stuff."?  Oh God, if only it were that easy!!

I've struggled all my life, sometimes with more success than others.  It's just that this time is different.  This time, I happened to be talking with my son about some college letters he had received and it suddenly struck me.  If I didn't do something, I was going to miss it.  If I didn't get a handle on my weight and my Diabetes, I was going to miss my son taking on the world!  I was going to miss my future daughter-in-law, and my grandchildren.  I was going to miss being there to witness my son getting his first of three Nobel prizes.  (He has a plan).  Who would want to miss all that?

That is my story.  That is my reason for starting, that is my mantra whenever I start to waver.  I hold onto that when I have nothing else to hold onto.

What is your reason, what is your anchor?

Hippy Dinner!

I am so sorry that this is so delayed!  Blogger was down and I couldn't get on to post yesterday!  so here is Sunday's post:

It was new recipe night!  We love new recipe night, well, most of us do.  Tonight's experiment is officially called Chinese Barbecued Pork with Edamame.  Edamame is pronouced Ed - a - mommy.  Okay, that is how we are pronouncing it and it is working for us!

As for the fancy- smance title that the Dtour Diet Cookbook gave this recipe - Hubby has dubbed it Hippy Dinner!  Which, to my mind, is  a much for entertaining name and you don't have to try to say Edamame!

Hippy Dinner is a wonderful mix of pork, Edamame (soy beans in the bean form), tofu, brown rice, in a wonderful gingery barbecue sauce.  It was wonderful!  Very tasty, full of wonderful proteins, extremely filling and best of all, a one pot dinner!

I was very tentative about the beans.  I am famous for not liking beans.  Especially if they are green.  My most notable quote from the meal was "It's a bean, it's green, and I like it!"

To top it all off, I actually got really brave and for the first time since we embarked on our journey, I baked.  I have always loved baking.  I'm really good at it, and I have missed it terribly.  In the back of the Dtour Diet Cookbook, there is this really interesting recipe for Chocolate peanut butter cupcakes.  I had to try it.!  Here is what mine looked like:



Doesn't that look wonderful?  You would never know that this wonderful looking cupcake is a Diabetic recipe would you?  This is one of most moist cupcakes I have ever eaten, and it has a yogurt base to it.  Yes, I said yogurt!  I even have proof that they taste good!!



This is the first of many that these three devoured during the course of the evening.  Dare we tell them that they are actually 'healthy'?  Nah, I'm not telling!

Oh yeah!  It's Sunday!  You want weigh in info:

Me:  -.5 lbs.  Yea me!

Hubby:  -1 lbs.  Yea hubby!
The boy:  Stayed the same.  Too many cupcakes!!

 

Friday, June 4, 2010

Rewards

I think I've been doing really well lately (I'm going to attempt not to break my arm patting myself on the back).  I'm sticking to my eating plan pretty well.  Walking, biking, and gardening have been on the plan, as has a daily found with the hula-hoop.  I am even attempting to maintain a positive attitude (and believe me, that has been a challenge lately!)

This is hard work!  I think I deserve a treat . . .oh wait a minute.  Treats are sort of off the table aren't they.  The term treat will have to have a new definition.  I guess it can no longer refer to anything edible.  Okay, we can regroup.  What sort of non-edible treats can I have?


My best friend got me a pedicure for my birthday, that was such a wonderful indulgent treat.  (And a wonderful gift for the diabetic in your life!) I now have really cute pink toes!

I've been thinking long and hard about the treats I can give myself as rewards.  Remember I said I was really a perennial 10 year old?  Well, you have to reward children to modify their behavior.  So here is what I have come up with
  • A new book.  I can always be bought with a new book.  A trip to a bookstore for a long look is even better.
  • A movie!  Who doesn't like to go to a movie - skip the popcorn though.  The crunching detracts from the plot anyway!
  • Now that I've gotten into the walking thing, a walk in the woods or a stroll by the river with my friends or family would be an awesome treat.
  • A gas station rose.  Alright, I know it sounds weird; but when hubby and I were first together he used to bring me single roses from the gas station as a way to tell me he loved me.  Now every once in awhile, I still get one.  I think they are the best!
  • A foot rub - now, there is a real treat for you!  And if your lucky, it leads into and entirely different sort of treat (he he he).
  • An evening of cards and fun with friends.
  • A book.  I love books!  A trip to a bookstore is even better!
  • Spending an entire day with your family doing absolutely nothing!
Think about it.  It's hard to think of rewards for yourself that do not involve food.  If anyone can come up with any let me know, I'm always looking!

Where did that hula-hoop go?

Thursday, June 3, 2010

A Gentle Reminder

How did this marvelous journey begin?  One year ago, I sat in an office and heard the following:
Data from the 2007 National Diabetes Fact Sheet (the most recent year for which data is available)
Total: 23.6 million children and adults in the United States—7.8% of the population—have diabetes.
Diagnosed: 17.9 million people
Undiagnosed: 5.7 million people
Pre-diabetes: 57 million people
New Cases: 1.6 million new cases of diabetes are diagnosed in people aged 20 years and older each year.

Total prevalence of diabetes

Under 20 years of age;
  • 186,300, or 0.22% of all people in this age group have diabetes
  • About 1 in every 400 to 600 children and adolescents has type 1 diabetes
  • About 2 million adolescents aged 12-19 have pre-diabetes
  • Age 20 years or older:  23.5 million, or 10.7% of all people in this age group have diabetes
  • Age 60 years or older:  12.2 million, or 23.1% of all people in this age group have diabetes
  • Men:  12.0 million, or 11.2% of all men aged 20 years or older have diabetes
  • Women:  11.5 million, or 10.2% of all women aged 20 years or older have diabetes
Morbidity and Mortality
Deaths
Diabetes was the seventh leading cause of death listed on U.S. death certificates in 2006. This ranking is based on the 72,507 death certificates in 2006 in which diabetes was listed as the underlying cause of death. According to death certificate reports, diabetes contributed to a total of 233,619 deaths in 2005, the latest year for which data on contributing causes of death are available.
Complications
Heart disease and stroke
• In 2004, heart disease was noted on 68% of diabetes-related death certificates among people aged 65 years or older.
• In 2004, stroke was noted on 16% of diabetes-related death certificates among people aged 65 years or older.
• Adults with diabetes have heart disease death rates about 2 to 4 times higher than adults without diabetes.
• The risk for stroke is 2 to 4 times higher among people with diabetes.
High blood pressure
• In 2003–2004, 75% of adults with self-reported diabetes had blood pressure greater than or equal to 130/80 mmHg, or used prescription medications for hypertension.
Blindness
• Diabetes is the leading cause of new cases of blindness among adults aged 20–74 years.
• Diabetic retinopathy causes 12,000 to 24,000 new cases of blindness each year.
Kidney disease
• Diabetes is the leading cause of kidney failure, accounting for 44% of new cases in 2005.
• In 2005, 46,739 people with diabetes began treatment for end-stage kidney disease in the United States and Puerto Rico.
• In 2005, a total of 178,689 people with end-stage kidney disease due to diabetes were living on chronic dialysis or with a kidney transplant in the United States and Puerto Rico.
Nervous system disease (Neuropathy)
• About 60% to 70% of people with diabetes have mild to severe forms of nervous system damage.
Amputation
• More than 60% of nontraumatic lower-limb amputations occur in people with diabetes.
• In 2004, about 71,000 nontraumatic lower-limb amputations were performed in people with diabetes.

For Additional Information
These statistics and additional information can be found in the National Diabetes Fact Sheet, 2007, the most recent comprehensive assessment of the impact of diabetes in the United States, jointly produced by the CDC, NIH, ADA, and other organizations
Statistics from the American Diabetes Association Website:  Diabetes Statistics .


DON'T LIKE THESE NUMBERS?  NEITHER DO WE!
WANT TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT?  SO DO WE!

Here's the plan: Since we are planning on walking in the Step Out Walk for Diabetes in October, we are going to put a team together to walk. The team will be a fundraising team to raise money for the Diabetes Association. 

It is time for me to put my new skills (walking) to good use. This is important. Within the next few years, chances are almost a third of the adults in the United States will be Diabetic! It is time to raise awareness and stop this trend in it's tracks.

Step Out Video on You Tube

I know there are people out there reading this. You can come out and walk with us in October! If you don't want to walk, you can show up to heckle and cheer! Failing that, you can support us financially!

I don't have all the details yet, I'll post them as I get them. But how cool would it be if we had the largest team there! That would ROCK!!!!

We need a team name though. I am now open for suggestions. Anyone? Anyone?

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Problems

Today was one of those days, you know we've all had them, the days when you wish you had just stayed in bed and never even lifted your head off the pillow.  Things just went from bad to worse.  Surgery for the boy is $1200 more than we were originally told, the van died, and there is no "extra" money for a down payment at the moment because we have to come up with $1200.  We all have issues like that.  Some dude invented money because he wanted a way to make everyone else on earth crazy!

Then I went to get my hair trimmed.  I haven't been since I started this journey as I have been trying to grow my hair out.  My stylist (who is a darling!) asked me what was new and what I had been up to.

Suddenly I felt excited and bubbly!  I began to tell her about our new eating and exercise plan and the blog and how much better we were all feeling.  As we were talking, and I was answering her questions about the Dtour Diet, my mood began to lift.  She seemed really interested and asked really detailed questions so I was able to give her a good overview of what Dtour was all about.

Money problems, work problems, stupid people problems, political problems, problems, problems, problems.  These will always be with us.  What I learned today is that what I eat, I'm not kidding, what I eat, affects how I react to the problems of the day.

A year ago, I would have done a fabulous Myron imitation and stomped around, slammed cupboard doors, blamed everyone else, and made myself so crazy that I would have immobilized myself and been unable to find any kind of solution.

Today, I came home, sat down, thought for awhile, discussed the situation with my mom, made some phone calls to the surgeons office and started to formulate a plan.  We now have a short term and a long term plan.


Take that Myron!  


Who would have thought, that changing your diet could change even the way you think and even react to situations.  The human body is a weird thing!

 

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

New Recipe Night Part Doux

So I received an email from Prevention yesterday.  Love those people!  This one was a new recipe, okay two recipes:

Mustard- and Brown Sugar- Rubbed Salmon

and
 Asian Cucumber Salad

They combined into the most amazing meal we have had in awhile!  And they were pretty too!   Check out the photo!

Hubby is not a big fish lover which has been a bit of a glitch with the Dtour program.  So, I am always looking for a fish (especially salmon) recipe that he will like.  He took a bite of this and closed his eyes and smiled.  I knew it was a huge hit!  

While the rub is sweet with the sugar, it has a bite that gets you at the finish which pairs beautifully with the bite in the salad.  It was one of the most incredible salads you have ever tasted.  How can you go wrong with basil?  You can never have enough basil.  I think that may be my new mantra.

It was fast too!  We threw the whole thing together in under a half hour!  Hubby and I got to play in the kitchen together then we all sat down to a very pretty and tasty meal; not to mention that it fell right into our Dtour guidelines!  You can't get more perfect than that.

I am putting the links for both recipes on for everyone.  Let me know how you all like it!! 

Mustard and Brown Sugar Rubbed Salmon 
Asian Cucumber Salad