Which came first?

So, I've been doing some reading as I've been sitting here nursing the incredible swelled faced boy.  I've been doing some reading on weight and self esteem.  Surprise, surprise, they are linked.  Imagine that!!  Somebody earned a really expensive PHD figuring that one out!

The thing is, there doesn't seem to be a determination as to which comes first.  It's sort of one of those chicken and egg things.  So, do we eat and gain weight because we have low self esteem OR do we eat and gain weight which in turn torpedo our once healthy self worth?

Does it matter?  In the end you're overweight and feel like crap about yourself.  What I really want to know is why are we wasting all of these research dollars trying to figure out how we got here?  Wouldn't those funds be better served attempting to help us figure out how to fix both?  I mean, come on, the barn door is open and the horse is loose and not happy with itself.  Can't all these researches lure it back to the barn before the poor thing has eaten it's own weight in oats and hay?

Forget the researchers, they have no clue what is happening in the real world anyway.  So, as usual, it is up to us to figure out how to fix this tiny problem. Self Esteem and Weight.  Why do we tie them together?

Personally, I know I've always had issues with self esteem.  I have never felt good about myself, so why should I take care of myself?  That was what I told myself.  Now I have a whole new problem.  My son wants me around to spoil my grandchildren (should there be any).  

That, however, would mean that I was doing this for someone else, not myself.  I have figured out, FINALLY, that road leads to ruin.

I have to like myself, I have to want to do this for me.  I have to honestly believe that I deserve the time and effort that this is going to take.  I have to face down my demons and discover what it is that everyone else likes about me.  Because, frankly, I don't see it most of the time.

If I am going to lose this weight, if I am going to put the time and effort, and energy into that project.  I have to honestly believe, deep down in my own heart and soul, that I am worth it.

Now that is an entirely new level to this journey.  I glanced down that path.  Sort of like an offshoot from the dreaded Hallway of earlier in the week.  I think it is paved with burning lava stone.

Here is what I have realized folks.  If we are really going to make a lifestyle change, and lose the weight and start and exercise program, we have to convince ourselves that we are worth it.

Okay, everyone go to the mirror.  Take a good look, and repeat after me.  

"Hi, my name is (insert your name here) I'd like to be your friend."  

I'm not sure if that is the best place to start, but it is the only way I know to begin.