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Monday, February 28, 2011

Getting dressed today, I happened to glance in the mirror as I was putting my sweater on.  Guess what I noticed, my belly is growing a bit.  That's a bad thing.

Coincidentally, someone asked me today how I am handling the whole school, work, mom, wife thing.  I thought I was handling it well.  I guess not so much.

I have to get a grip and figure this whole thing out!  It seems like a timing and planning problem.  Planning.  I can do that.  I have to do  that.

Perhaps I need a good swift kick in the bum.  If I exercised more, I could deliver my own kick!  Oh yeah, exercise, I've been slipping on that too.

There must be a way to figure this out!  I have come to far to be defeated now!

Saturday, February 26, 2011

The Unknown

Do you find it interesting that when you visit my little blog, you never know what you will find?  Not only the ever changing blogs, but I delight in changing the backgrounds as well.  Why?  Change is good and since I tend to get bored easily, it helps me stay focused.  I know it sounds weird, changing helps me focus; but there it is.

Changing has been on my mind lately.  Everything around me and in me is changing so quickly, sometimes it makes me dizzy.  Just today we were discussing an overnight trip to the University that The Boy wants to attend.  Colleges already!  How can that be?

I'm back in school, as a matter of fact, I got a letter today from a sorority that wants me to join!  How funny is that?  Does that mean I have to rush?  I'm not sure about that. I don't hold my liquor like I used to!

One change is not so wonderful however.  I have gained some weight back.  I have been lax and have let my sweet tooth take advantage of exhaustion.  I have not been weighing myself either.  The scale is really broken this time.

Part of it is my schedule.  I have a hard time doing meal planning when I am never home.  Okay, that is an excuse and I know it.  I have to find a way to carve out time.

If I can handle, work, schools, studying, and family obligations, surely I should be able to figure out a way to eat on plan while running around like a crazy person.

The big question right now is how?  How do I figure this out?

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Helping

Today was an eye opening experience for me.  There is this woman that I know who always seems very together.  It's sort of like she was born under a lucky star, everything in her world goes the way she wants it too, always.

Recently, her husband has had some health difficulties that are necessitating some dietary changes.  At first, she was reluctant to change the way they have always eaten.  I don't think it was in her plan.

Today, she came to me and asked if I had any recipes that she could make that would fit in with the new eating recommendations.  I was surprised, but readily jumped online to, (you guessed it!) DLife.com and found something that was within all the guidelines.

She seemed really appreciative and asked if I had any other suggestions.  I told her I would do a bit of research and see what I could find for her.

I went on with the rest of my day as I normally would, but a part of me was glowing and happy.  Helping someone in a situation like that felt awesome!  The fact that I could help someone like that made me feel proud and uplifted.

Maybe I can make this cockamamie idea work after all!

Mom Guilt

Okay, I had an idea going into this school thing that it was going to be hard.  But I had no clue exactly how hard it was going to be.  When you add work , school, studying, and the schedules for the rest of the family, it could be a little overwhelming.

Today is Band Festival for The Boy.  I had forgotten all about it until this morning when he was dashing around looking for a pair of black socks. 

Next thing you know. . .Mom Guilt!  I have class tonight so I won't be there.  Actually since school started, I have missed almost all of the school events.  Perhaps I don't have this juggling thing down yet.

The Boy doesn't seem to mind.  I've talked to him about it and he said he's fine.

He's a good and loving son!

Monday, February 21, 2011

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!

Exactly one year ago today I took a step on a new journey.  An adventure that has taken more twists and turns than I ever dared imagine.


One of the most wonderful things is that all of you have gone along with me, offering an endless supply of support and encouragement.  I don't think that I could have made it as far as I have without all of you!

A year ago, I thought I would try something new.  The blog seemed like the perfect way to keep myself accountable to my new eating plan.  I has been so much more than that.  It has helped me learn things about myself that I had never known before.

I have poured out my hopes, fears, triumphs, and setbacks on the 'pages' of this little blog of mine.  I may not have made my ultimate weight loss goal (okay, it was way to much to expect), but I have learned to be proud of how far I have come and am working my way towards accepting myself as I am.  (That is huge for me!)

If someone had told me a year ago that I would be sitting here today, writing my blog while my Algebra homework sits next to me, I would have laughed them out of the room!  Yet, here I sit, Algebra next to me and Biology waiting in the wings.  Me, back at college, who would have thought?

By opening myself up to everyone who reads this blog, I have been able to fly past roadblocks that had stopped me for many years.   I am so far removed from the person I was that I am not sure I would even recognize that person anymore.

My next challenge is to decide what to do with this blog.  Do I keep it as a blog, or expand it into a full-blown website?  Any one have any ideas?

This all comes down to one thing.  I have come a long way in a year, and I know that I still have a way to go.  but I could not have done any of this without your support!  You all have been wonderful and I am so blessed that you check in on my little blog daily.

Thank you again.  Stay tuned.  I have a feeling this adventure is only beginning!

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Year End

Tomorrow marks the end of the first year of this remarkable journey.  Can you believe it?  An entire year!

I was sitting in my special little office studying today and started thinking about how much my life has changed in one short year.  First of all, I was sitting down at my desk studying.  Who would have thought?  Certainly not me.

I feel newly empowered!  Suddenly, my life has become this exciting adventure; I have no idea what is around the corner.  I just know that the unknown has suddenly made things much more fun and exciting!

I am already planning tomorrow's blog.  Do you think there is anyway to have a party on a blog site?  Hmmmmmm . . .

Until tomorrow, our anniversary!  See you then!

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Date night

For the first time in a long time, hubby and I went out on a date last night.  It was our 'Valentine's Day' outing.  Dinner and a movie.

He took me to my very favorite restaurant, The Food Dance Cafe.  I love everything about the restaurant, the food is exceptional, the atmosphere is amazing and the staff are so wonderful, you never want to leave.

One of the things that is amazing about this place, is that there are always many vegetarian options and everything is fresh.  Checking out the menu, my eyes immediately went to three things:  Grilled Salmon, Pumpkin Risotto, and the pasta special of the night that had  all sorts yummy veggie things in it.  I asked the waitress and she suggested the salmon.  Salmon it was!
 Yes, it tasted as good as it looks!  Not only that, it looked this wonderful when it came to the table.  It was almost too pretty to eat!  I ate it anyway and let me tell you , I have never had such a wonderful piece of fish!

Part way through the meal, hubby looked at me and told me he was proud of me.  He said that a year ago, I would have gone right for the steak or chicken and not even glanced at the fish or veggie options.  I passed on a glass of wine and stuck to cranberry juice and club soda.

As special as the night was, everything else paled in comparison to those comments.  It has been almost a year and I am still sticking with it.

I'm proud of me too!

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Wow!  I am so sorry!  I don't know where my mind has been!  I have never missed this many entries!  Is has been a crazy week.

I got my Algebra test back and I got a B!  I was so excited!!  It is the best grade I have EVER gotten in a math class!  I did a little happy dance and rushed home to tell the boys!

The best part was The Boy looked upset at my grade.  I don't think he realizes yet that not everyone has his brain.


I was happy though.  I feel sort of like a little kid.  I never thought myself smart enough or cleaver enough to do well in the sciences.

 Who knew?

Monday, February 14, 2011

Well, I got my test results back today for Biology. . . 66.  Ouch!  So much for my dream of an A in Bio.  Ahhh, that was a pipe dream anyway.

I did feel much better during class today when we were informed that the average grade was 60.  There was one A, two Bs and the rest were D and below.


 As I continue to learn, this journey seems to be about much more than losing weight and change my lifestye.  It's about facing my fears head on and defeating them.  I may lose a battle now and again, but in the end, I will win.

Short post tonight. . . I need to go study Biology!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Sunday Mornings

I'm sitting here on a quiet Sunday morning.  I like quiet Sunday mornings, they are the perfect time for thinking and reevaluating.

My life is so different now from what it was a year ago.  I don't even know if I would recognize the me that I was then.  I can tell you one thing, I feel lighter.  (not necessarily weight wise)  I am feeling like I can meet any challenge now head on, without worrying that I am going to fail right out of the gate.

I have realized, especially in the last week that I am slipping again on my eating plan.  With things moving so fast, it has been hard to stick to a good eating plan.  I have been 'slipping' a lot lately!

When I started this, I had so much drive and passion for what I was doing.  Then as new things came along, my focus split.  I have taken my eye off the ball.

Ultimately, this whole journey is about making me healthy, happy, and able to meet my grandchildren someday.

I guess I have to put my eye back on my original goal and not 'slip' anymore. I don't want to to go back to where I was.

Quiet Sunday mornings are a good time for reflecting and reevaluating.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Sorry that it has been a few days.  This whole week has been a whirlwind!  I survived the Algebra test.  Yea me!

Then this morning, there was the Biology test. Understand that I have come to love this class!  It is so interesting and fascinating that I am actually willingly getting up early to make sure I am there!

But this morning, was testing day!  I thought I was fine and ready.  Until I sat down clutching my #2 pencil and was handed my packet  of questions and the scan tron sheet.  I took one look at that white sheet, with all those empty little bubbles, and promptly had a panic attack. 

My heart felt like it was going to bounce right out of my chest, the butterflies in my stomach somehow morphed into B-52s.  I started to hyperventilate!  It was a nightmare.  The young lady next to me asked me what was wrong, and for some odd reason I wanted to laugh!

What was wrong?  Did she not see how ridiculous this picture was?  I am a 40+ year old woman, sitting in a room full of college jocks and teeny-boppers with a scan tron and a number 2 pencil in my hands.  What the  %#$*_)*&$ was I thinking??

I took some deep breaths and calmed myself down a bit.  Taking one last huge gulp of air, I opened the test booklet.  Did you know that testing booklets are now written in some obscure Latin dialect?  That must have been it; because I did not recognize any of those words on the page!

I did pull it together enough to complete the test.  How much of it was correct remains to be seen.

One thing is for sure.  I came face to face with one of my lifelong terrors today, and came out with my head held high.  I think I can do this after all!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Testing

I have to tell you . . .I HATE TESTS!!!

A huge part of the reason I left college in the first place was testing.  I'm sorry, but really, how much information can you get from someone by asking them a bunch of questions, in a high pressure situation in a limited amount of time?  No seriously?  Couldn't someone just give me a written exam and tell me to bring it back in the morning?  That way I could go home, pour myself a glass of wine and impart my vast store of knowledge on some paper!  That sounds like a plan!!  (I guess its a good thing I don't want to be a emergency room doctor!)

Alas, some things in the halls of higher education never change.  I swear though, that there were blue books at the inquisition!

Algebra was last night.  I actually survived it!  Surprisingly enough, I actually told the instructor that I was enjoying the class!  No, I was not kissing up!  For the first time ever, I am having fun in a math class!  Does that make me some sort of geek?

Friday is Biology and next week is computers.  I think I may live through this!

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Old memories

I found an old television show online that I used to love.  It was sweet and romantic and always spoke to me of what true love, real, unselfish love should be like.  I smiled as I clicked the play button, but there was a tear in my eye as the theme music started to play.

You see, there was always a tear in my eye when I watched this program.  when it went off air and into syndication, I used to stay up late into the night, every night, to watch it.  I'm sure that back then I had every episode memorized.  And at the end of every episode, I was always in tears.

Okay, I know that sounds rather nutty.  After all, if a television show affects you that much, you should probably not watch it, right?  Wrong.  I was in tears every night because I was watching something that I desperately wanted and was quite sure I would never experience!

I had had many examples of love in my life.  My grandparents were a solid rock that was the foundation for our family.  My mother and father still held hands and kissed in public right up until the day he died.  Even my great-aunt, who was single taught me about love.  You see, she had met someone during WWII, when she was a WAVE.  She fell in love, and then discovered he was married.  She left him, but never married.  She told me once that no one else ever measured up to him.

I know that when he died, my grandmother made my grandfather take my aunt to the funeral home.  My aunt had insisted on going and grandma didn't want her to be alone.

Yes, I had many examples of love in my childhood, and as I grew up, I came to believe that I was not good enough, not pretty enough, or skinny enough for anyone to truly love me that way.

So, I would turn the television on every night and cry for what I could see on the screen, but felt was way out of my reach.  Then I ran into my love while bleeding from the head in a National Park.  It was no glass slipper, but it was perfect!

It was the most glorious feeling in the world.  No holds barred, no secrets, and no conditions.  It was amazing.  I felt like a princess in a fairy tale.  Meeting him was the beginning of a long process of self examination.  I was good enough for someone.  He loved me no matter what my weight was, no matter what silly thing I had done, or whatever crazy adventure I had cooked up.

I finally had someone who would take my hand and go with me on the journey.  Our life has not been easy, I don't think life is supposed to be easy for anyone.  But through it all we have each other.

He has taken on this new journey with me.  Encouraged me in every way possible and cheered me on when I succeed.  When I fail, he helps pull me up, brush off and move one.

So yes, there was a tear in my eye as I hit play.  Not because it reminded me of what I used to want and believe, but because it reminded me that all fairy tales, true fairy tales, have a happy ending.  You just have to be willing to slay a dragon or two along the way.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Pressure

School conferences were last week for The Boy.  I had class, so hubby got to go on his own this time.  Here is something you need to know about The Boy; no one is harder on him than he is.

The funny part is that every time conferences roll around, we always seem to end up with one teacher who has never had our wonderful child before.  Now, this teacher is totally enamored of our son and thinks that we are truly evil and horribly strict parents.  They think that we ride him really hard and punish him for grades that we think are unacceptable.  Please understand that this is a false impression.  The teacher normally changes their tune after meeting us.

Because, the truth is, that hubby and I spend a lot of time trying to get The Boy to lighten up on himself!  He expects so much of himself that I am often afraid he is going to become neurotic!  My job, as I see it, is to try to get him to give himself a break and celebrate his successes and not dwell on mistakes.

It seems that I need to learn to take my own advice.

During lunch today, I was reading a People magazine.  It was the issue that they call "Half their Size", featuring people who have lost a significant amount of weight.  I, of course, felt compelled to look it over.

The articles were very uplifting and affirming.  You know what struck me the most?  The length of time it took these folks to lost the weight.  One lady had started in 2007, another in 2005.  Yes, they lost over 100 pounds, but they did it slowly.  It didn't happen all at once, or even in a year!

I've been beating myself up lately because I am still at a bit of a standstill.  I had a year in my head when I started this venture and that year is almost up.  I have been feeling like a bit of a failure.

I need to learn to take my own advice!  I need to give myself a break!  Who ever said there was a time limit in which I needed to be at my goal weight.  Okay, so I did!  What do I know?

Just because things are not moving along as quickly as I like, that does not mean that I have failed.  Apparently, I'm just human.

Huh, imagine that!  Me and They Boy - human through and through!

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Snowy Wednesday

I feel like a little kid right now.  Snow day!!  No school, no work!  No going anywhere, I hope we don't run out of milk?

What is the deal with milk and bread and blizzards anyway?  The minute people heard there was  a big snow coming, everyone ran out to the store to get bread and milk.  Does milk have some sort of magical effect on snow?

If you don't usually drink milk do you run out and stock up when you hear a snow storm is coming?

These are the things I ponder as I sit here and drink my . . . .smoothie!