Old memories

I found an old television show online that I used to love.  It was sweet and romantic and always spoke to me of what true love, real, unselfish love should be like.  I smiled as I clicked the play button, but there was a tear in my eye as the theme music started to play.

You see, there was always a tear in my eye when I watched this program.  when it went off air and into syndication, I used to stay up late into the night, every night, to watch it.  I'm sure that back then I had every episode memorized.  And at the end of every episode, I was always in tears.

Okay, I know that sounds rather nutty.  After all, if a television show affects you that much, you should probably not watch it, right?  Wrong.  I was in tears every night because I was watching something that I desperately wanted and was quite sure I would never experience!

I had had many examples of love in my life.  My grandparents were a solid rock that was the foundation for our family.  My mother and father still held hands and kissed in public right up until the day he died.  Even my great-aunt, who was single taught me about love.  You see, she had met someone during WWII, when she was a WAVE.  She fell in love, and then discovered he was married.  She left him, but never married.  She told me once that no one else ever measured up to him.

I know that when he died, my grandmother made my grandfather take my aunt to the funeral home.  My aunt had insisted on going and grandma didn't want her to be alone.

Yes, I had many examples of love in my childhood, and as I grew up, I came to believe that I was not good enough, not pretty enough, or skinny enough for anyone to truly love me that way.

So, I would turn the television on every night and cry for what I could see on the screen, but felt was way out of my reach.  Then I ran into my love while bleeding from the head in a National Park.  It was no glass slipper, but it was perfect!

It was the most glorious feeling in the world.  No holds barred, no secrets, and no conditions.  It was amazing.  I felt like a princess in a fairy tale.  Meeting him was the beginning of a long process of self examination.  I was good enough for someone.  He loved me no matter what my weight was, no matter what silly thing I had done, or whatever crazy adventure I had cooked up.

I finally had someone who would take my hand and go with me on the journey.  Our life has not been easy, I don't think life is supposed to be easy for anyone.  But through it all we have each other.

He has taken on this new journey with me.  Encouraged me in every way possible and cheered me on when I succeed.  When I fail, he helps pull me up, brush off and move one.

So yes, there was a tear in my eye as I hit play.  Not because it reminded me of what I used to want and believe, but because it reminded me that all fairy tales, true fairy tales, have a happy ending.  You just have to be willing to slay a dragon or two along the way.