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Friday, December 31, 2010

New Year's and Resolutions

Just like most people I've been thinking today about the last year, the upcoming year, and what I would like to change.  This is the night of resolutions.  We are looking at the mistakes we have made in the past and making a commitment to ourselves to do better moving forward.  Most of those promises to ourselves are broken shortly after making them.  Some, manage to make it through a month or two before it is tossed aside.  A few, a very few, are taken to heart and slowly become habit and a new part of our lives.

I sat down and made a list this evening of all of my past resolutions that I had let fall by the wayside.  Then, I made a second list of the changes I wanted to make.  You know, your annual list of all the things you know you should be doing, but aren't.

Here is my annual list:
  • Lose weight
  • exercise
  • change eating habits
  • go back to school
  • begin writing again
  • control my diabetes
  • regain control of my life
I looked a the list and realized something:
  • Lose weight - Doing it!
  • exercise - Doing it!  Slowly, but I am making progress
  • change eating habits - Did it!
  • go back to school - I start class on January 10th!
  • begin writing again - I'm writing every day and it's wonderful!
  • control my diabetes  - I feel like I'm doing better at this every day.  My A1C proves it!
  • regain control of my life - For the first time in many years, I feel like I'm getting there
I have to admit, I was stunned when I realized my list, my entire laundry list of here to for impossible, pie in the sky dreams. . .has been filled!

I am rarely proud of myself, I always think I can do better.  But right now, at the precipice of a new year, I am proud of myself for what I have accomplished.

You kinda have to wonder though . . .what will I come up with next?


Thursday, December 30, 2010

Feeling Good

Stupidity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result.  Sometimes I am a living definition of this little truism.

I have been feeling really good this week.  I was thinking about that today as I was eating my lunch; my very healthy and on plan lunch.

Ding, ding, ding!  Give the girl a cookie (or a stalk of celery, as the case may be) she finally figured it out.

Eat on plan = feel good
Eat off plan = feel like garbage.

Seems pretty simple doesn't it?  So why do I have to keep learning it over and over.  When will I finally figure it out?

Maybe this time is the one that will stick!

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

The Boy's Day

If you have ever had braces, you know the exited jubilant feeling the day that they come off.  Thee odd way it feels when you run your tongue over bracket-free teeth and the overwhelming desire to eat everything sticky and gooey!

Today is The Boy's day.  After years of torture at the hands of the Orthodontist, not to mention surgery to correct a jaw issue, the hardware comes off today.

Caramel is being purchased so that he can have some upon leaving the office today, and plans are in the works for corn on the cob, whole apples, and perhaps sticky pop corn balls for New Year's eve.

Why does it always come down to food?  In this particular case, it's obvious; but whenever we get together or there is a holiday or some other celebration, food is at the center

Food is comfort, and during the cold winter months, we all need as much comfort as we can get.  Steaming bowls of soup, savory soups, and melt in your mouth  desserts tend to fill our thoughts when it is cold and yucky outside.

The question is, how do we change our thinking?  How do we become "un-food focused"?  I'm not sure there is an answer to that question.  Sharing a meal has always been a source of fellowship among people.  Some of the best family memories come from events at the dinner table.  Holiday feasts and sweet treats are paramount on the list for holiday gatherings.

How do you change so much history though?  Even Jesus' ordeal began with a meal.  I'm guessing we can't get away from it.

The best we can do, is change what is laid out on our tables, ensuring that we have healthy, whole foods to offer our guests, families, and friends.  That shows our love and affection for them on a much deeper level than any cake or candy could.

Wow!  Did my thought train get derailed or what?  I started out talking about The Boy's big day!  How exciting that his ordeal (at least orthodontic) is almost over!

If I know his Grandmother, she will have ignored all the stuff about healthy, and show up at the appointment with a big bag of caramels for The Boy.

I guess we can relax our new standards once in awhile!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Vitamin D

Since being told that I was Vitamin D deficient, I have been on one of my little quests to discover all things Vitamin D.  This little vitamin has some amazing uses and quirks.

  • It helps keep the heart rate regular.
  • useful when treating people who are going through detox from alcohol and drugs. 
  • Vitamin D supplements can reduce the occurrence of colon and breast cancers. 
  • Lack of adequate Vitamin D will lead to osteoporosis, or brittle and weak bones. 
  • This vitamin has even been used to help in the treatment of cystic fibrosis, Parkinson’s disease and Crohn’s disease.
  • vitamin D can help the body differentiate between certain cells. This ability to differentiate is necessary to help the body and the immune system fend off invading or dangerous cells.
  • It is also believed that larger levels of this vitamin may protect people against a number of autoimmune diseases. 
  • Vitamin D may even prove to be very helpful in the prevention or treatment of diabetes.  
(facts found on  which is a pretty cool site for all things vitamin and deserves a look!)

 Pretty cool, huh!  So where do we get Vitamin D?  The sun is the best source, but as we all know, Michigan is not conductive to sun, especially in Winter.  Not only that, but a lot of people are on medications that prohibit them from spending lots of time in the sun.

So what do you do if you are Vitamin D deficient, but can not spend a lot of time in the sun?  You search out alternative methods of acquiring enough of this amazing little vitamin 
Foods are the best most natural way of getting more D into your system.  Here are some that can help:

  • A great source of natural vitamin D foods is dairy products. You get Milk, cheese, and yogurt are really great sources.  (Does that mean that a daily dose of ice cream will do it?) 
  • One of the best sources for Vitamin D is cod liver oil and other fatty/oily fish. 
I also discovered that mushrooms are a good source of vitamin D.  This is one of the things I find so confusing.  Most of the foods that contain vitamin D are related to sunshine, so how on earth do mushrooms get them?  Who came up with that idea?  Mother nature is very strange and has a weird sense of humor!

So maybe I should have a bowl of ice cream topped with mushrooms every evening. That would ensure that I get my vitamin D, right?

No, I'm not pregnant!  My mind is just working strangely today (so what's new?)

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Shopping day

Woke up this morning and felt rotten.  My head hurt, my stomach was a mess and every muscle in my body hurt.  I couldn't figure out what was wrong at first.  When I walked into the kitchen I figured it out; I had strayed from my path.

Did I have a 5 minute freak out?  No.  I know what to do now.  I had a smoothie with the requisite flax seed, made a menu and went grocery shopping.

I spent some time reading labels and making sure I had everything on my list.  When it came time to check out, I looked around me and decided that I had the healthiest shopping cart in the store.  Feeling very pleased with myself, I went home, put it all away and then spent some time with my best friend.

I'm sitting here now, typing this and my head is pain-free, my stomach is calm and my muscles are relaxed.

It's good to be back on the path!

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas

Why is it that the holidays and special occasions all seem to require a rich, fat laden, sugar coated menu?  Seriously, why is that?

I was worried about the holiday because I wasn't looking forward to being asked what I could or couldn't eat.  Turns out that wasn't much of a problem.  Everything was good and since most of it was buffet style, I could pick and choose what I wanted and avoid the "special" holiday treats.

I had a wonderful conversation with my brother about the Dtour plan!  I walked him through the website and we discussed his options for lunches and food on the go.  I think it may have been my favorite part of the day!

I even avoided the cherry pie!  Not to mention the ala-mode!  Can you believe it?  I had ice cream in front of me and turned it down!  I said no to ice cream!!  (and you can now purchase ice skates in hell!)

What a difference a year makes!

Friday, December 24, 2010

Gifts and Blessings

Merry Christmas Eve!  

I was thinking this morning that I have extra things to be thankful for this year.  I have accomplished some amazing things lately!  I actually, finally, have enough self-esteem to say "Look what I did!  I did something great and wonderful!"

Self esteem is something that I have always lacked.  I probably stuffed that down my throat with all my other emotions.  "Yes, I'd like some frustration and stress with a side of low self esteem, please.  Oh, and can you make that an extra large meal please."

But this year, I am saying something different.  "No thank you, I don't need that piece of pie, I have eaten enough."  The family has never heard me say that before!

I am remaking my life, and I am doing it on my own terms in my own time.  That is important to me.  I don't have to accecpt my size, my education, or my former "slacker" role in the family.

I don't know about you, but I am LOVING this!

This year I get to talk about school and about this blog and all the wonderful support I have.  I get to discuss the demise of Myron and Couch Potato (okay, they aren't fully gone yet, but I can dream).

This year I am blessed to have those around me who have loved and supported me when I was at my lowest and cheered me on for each new accomplishment.

I want to thank all of you who follow my silly little blog and offer encouragement and support.

Thank you and Merry Chirstmas, Happy Hannukah, Happy Kwanza, Happy Solstice.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

My Brother

I have this really amazing brother.  When we were kids we beat on each other and were always squabbling.  Just normal kids.  As we got older we moved past the arguing and insults (well mostly anyway).

He is three years older than I am and ever since we lost Dad, my brother has stepped in as patriarch.  He is always there to listen and offer advice and most especially keep his very expressive and emotional sister on track.  He is, quite simply, awesome!

Big brother had some out patient surgery yesterday.  I called him this morning to see how he was feeling.  During the course of our conversation he asked me if I had a book that went along with the Dtour diet.

My answer was, of course, affirmative.  Brother dear then asked if he could borrow it.  He said that since I had lost a ton of weight  he figured that he wold give it a try.

I know this sounds like a small thing, but my heart soared.  I am used to being the family screw up.  Now my brother is asking to try something I'm doing because he has seen a change and wants to try it.  How awesome is that?!

I can not even express how thrilled and happy this makes me.  I love sharing my experiences with our new lifestyle change.  Now I get to share that with my amazing brother.  This is exciting!

I'm feeling all energized and wound up!  Christmas is here, I get to talk to someone new about Dtour, and I get to spend two whole days with my wonderful husband.  Life does not get much better.

There some other exciting news related to the Dtour plan.  I got on the site this morning and found the following announcement:
Exciting news DTOUR members! We are delighted to announce that beginning December 30th, your membership will be free! That's right! You will no longer be charged a subscription fee to enjoy the benefits of site membership.

This is part of our continuing crusade to Outsmart Diabetes. (We are even renaming the site Outsmart Diabetes to emphasize our commitment!) Eliminating the subscription fee allows us to continue to provide tools and support to our current members, while expanding the online community to include others who were not able to take part previously. Rest assured that we aren't cutting back on the features on the site--we will continue to offer all of the online tools currently in place, as well as access to the guidance of our experts.

We will make this transition as easy for you as we can by automatically refunding your credit card if your subscription is paid beyond the end of December when this change becomes effective.

Welcome in advance to the new Outsmart Diabetes community!

How is that for a wonderful Christmas surprise?  You can use the site and all of the tools and support on it, for nothing!

So here is the new question.  Do I change the name of this blog?  If Dtour is now going to be Outsmart Diabetes, what do we call this blog?  Suggestions? 

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

'Tis the Season

The holidays are upon us and plans are in the works for presents, meals and family gatherings.  I have always played a central role in these things.  I am, after all, the Queen of Christmas.

For some reason I feel shunted aside this year.  When discussions come up about meals and snacks, I keep getting the same response:  "Can you eat that?  Are you sure you can have juice?  I don't know what to make that you can eat."

To hear people talk about it, you would think that I am on some very restricted diet and can only eat bunny food and water.  I like bunny food (how weird is that?) and water is a good thing, but I like other things too.

I have never looked on this venture as a diet.  A diet is a short term thing, this is a permanent change in lifestyle.  I try my best to look on it as a positive thing, but everyone else seems to focus on the "die" part of the "D" word.

Let's look at this objectively.  My self esteem has gone up (which is nothing short of a miracle), I have lost quite a bit of weight, embarked on an odyssey of sorts that has led me back to school.  Me, Katie, is going back to school to pursue a career that will enable me to help those who find themselves facing the same challenges that I am.

It also has afforded me the opportunity to return to one of my first loves, writing.  I get to write again!  Everyday, I get to write!

So, I will go to Christmas, and listen to folks try to figure out what is 'acceptable' for me to eat.  I'll bite my tongue when others want to decide what I can put in my mouth.  Because in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn't matter what others think.  It is only important that I know what I need to do.  Not only that, I have the wonderful loving support of my boys and my mom.

And people say there are no miracles at Christmas . . .

Monday, December 20, 2010

The multivitamin sea

It all seems so simple when your Doctor gives you the instruction:  "You need to start taking a multivitamin everyday.  Sounds easy right?  Then you go to the store and discover it is anything but simple.

You begin to feel like you are in a cartoon.  You know, you step into the isle and suddenly it stretches out and seems to go for miles.  Miles and miles of little bottles of pills and vitamins.  All different sizes, shapes, and colors.  After about the 5th or 6th bottle serious confusion sets in and you now have no idea what you are looking at, much less what brought you to this nightmare isle to begin with.

Being a good and dutiful little researcher, I went to my faithful computer and did some research.  Here's a fun little tidbit.  Go to a search engine and type in Multivitamin.   The results are dizzying:
Google:  3,570,000 results
Bing:  1,850,000 
I thought to check a couple more search engines, but my mind was so boggled by this time that I stopped.

Why are there so many?  I mean come on!  Seriously, does it really have to be this difficult?  You have to be a chemist or have a doctorate to understand  the differences in all these things.

Maybe I should just bag it and go for something familiar.  Something we all know.  Anyone have any idea how much Vitamin D is in Flintstones Chewables? 

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Battle of the scale

I am beginning to feel like a human  yo-yo; there are about three pounds that keep showing up and then leaving, showing up and leaving!  It is a bit frustrating.

I have decided that this week is Christmas and I am not going to worry about the silly scale for one week.  I'll still eat the way I'm supposed to, as I have had good luck in avoiding the normal pitfalls of the season (food wise anyway).

Perhaps at this point, I am obsessing about the scale and I do not believe that is healthy.  I need to get back to having fun again with this adventure.  I do so much better with things when I view them as fun.  It is a tact I have not yet tried, so I am going to experiment this week and see if fun leads to more success than obsessing.

I am still doing my research on Vitamin D and hope to have some interesting information for you later today.  You will all be surprised at what this one little vitamin can do to one's system!

Friday, December 17, 2010


Okay, survived Orientation.  Was only asked three times where my 'student' was.  I guess that went all right.  Of course, my id photo is the most hideous photo I've ever taking (Believe me, that is saying a lot!)As soon as I lose a bit more weight, I am going back in and having another one taken!  It will be worth the $25 to be able to torch the one I received today!

I sat there and looked around and only saw one other 'older' person in the auditorium who appeared to be a fellow student.  I came very close to dashing out of the room and calling it quits.  Then a few things ran through my head.
  • Members of this family don't quit!
  • My son telling me he was proud of me 
  • My husband beaming with pride as I walked out the door this morning

But mostly, it was the thought that I have come this far down the path; if I backed out now, I would be letting myself down.  I have done enough of that in my lifetime and it is time to quit quitting!

I started to hit a low point or a small crash, as it has  become known around here.  I quietly pulled my test kit and quickly checked my sugar.  Low 70's, not cool.  I popped a glucose tab, drank some water and waited for the sugar to hit. I had thought that I was pretty quiet about the whole thing; but during a break, I was approached by a young man who had been sitting near me.

He asked me if the needle hurt.  I smiled and said no, it really doesn't.  He looked at me for a second and then said that he had never really used his because he thought it would hurt and he didn't want to be 'branded' as sick.

I looked at this young man, he was holding a sugar coated pastry and a bottle of Mountain Dew.  I sighed and told him that testing was really easy and the first line of defense in keeping your levels in line.  Diet was the second easiest thing he could do.

He asked me if I was really going to start school at my age. (It wasn't offensive, he looked genuinely interested.)  I told him that I have been on a journey of sorts and wanted to study Dietetics so that I could work with people with Type II Diabetes.

He was quiet for a moment and then told me he was glad that he had run into me and that I had given him a lot to think about.

I went into the next session feeling much better about my decision.

What was I thinking????

Today is the day.  Orientation at school.  Do you know how many years it has been since I have attended a college orientation?  There are butterflies the size of a squadron of B-52s in my stomach!
There I'll be, me and a bunch of teenagers!  Wow!  What have I been thinking?  I must have been out of my bloody mind when I jumped into this one!

Okay, deep breath. . . One more . . .another for good measure . . 

Now that the freak out if over, I can concentrate on some other things.  Like how do I get there, where exactly am I going and will I really be the only "adult" there?  (Not that I actually qualify as an adult most of the time!).

Sometimes I have to wonder about my propensity to always jump head long in to new adventures.   I thrive on new challenges and love to learn new things, but college?  At my age?

Okay, whining is over, I'll post again tonight and let you all know how it went!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Turning around

Things are starting to turn around.  The demon who was possessing my scale seems to have vacated.  I've been watching the little bugger this week and it is moving in the correct direction again.  Some of those stupid pounds that had mysteriously arrived have vanished!  Yea!!

The Boy took the PSAT this fall.  We received his score yesterday.  His numbers were high enough to send everyone jumping for joy!  Except The Boy.  No one is as hard on The Boy as The Boy.  All he can see are the things that he did did not get correct.  

Then it dawned on me, I have been doing the same thing.  Sometimes I can be such a dork!  The last few weeks I have been concentrating on the stuck scale and the things that were  not going smoothly.  Perhaps I need to concentrate on what I've done right and the progress I have made so far.

Who knew that your children have the ability to teach us such valuable lessons?

Tuesday, December 14, 2010


While my morning smoothies taste amazing and are really good for me, they are not that good for blenders.  I have burned two of them up in the last six months.  The second one actually started smoking!  I thought it might be a good idea to turn it off at that point.

Wonderful hubby works for a company that builds small appliances.  He told one of the engineers about my rotten luck with blenders.  The tech that he talked to said he thought he could come up with something.  This morning he appeared in hubby's office with my new blender!

We are calling it FrankenBlender because it was built from spare parts and when you turn it on, it roars!  No kidding, this thing is awesome!  It has a wonderfully powerful motor in it so hopefully it will last longer than 2 months!

Of course, the minute we got home I had to try it out.  I put all the ingredients in, pushed the liquefy button and 20 seconds later, I had the the most wonderful smoothie ever!  There were no chunks from the frozen fruit, and no voids where things didn't get blended properly.  It was light and sort of foamy and tasted divine!

I love my new FrankenBlenderI have never had an appliance that was built just for me!  It's incredible and makes me feel very loved and has now given me a new incentive to stick to my plan!

I wonder what else I could throw in it?  There must be something that it can't blend. . .  all I know is that I'm getting up early to make another smoothie!!

Monday, December 13, 2010

Making Stuff Up

Do you ever get the idea that sometimes when your Doctor is not sure what to tell you, they make things up?  Seriously, some of the things that you hear in a Doctors office has to be made up, that is the only thing that makes sense!  That, there are dartboards on their office doors with different diagnosis' on it;  before they come in to see you they toss a dart at the board and you get the diagnosis of where the dart hit!

I've been having some weird things going on lately.  Here is the list:
  • Sleeping a lot during the day (something I've never done)
  • Strong  bouts of depression
  • Mood swings
  • Weird sleeping patterns
  • Muscle and joint aches
  • Low energy and fatigue
  • Weight Gain
  • Loss of concentration and focus (aka - Space Cadet)
The normal blood tests were taken and today I went in to get the results.  Guess what, I have a vitamin D deficiency .  Now do you see why I think she was making things up?

There really is a condition known as Vitamin D Deficiency!  Apparently it is a new thing based on emerging research.  Here is the list of common symptoms of Vitamin D deficiency:
  • Sleeping a lot during the day (something I've never done)
  • Strong  bouts of depression
  • Mood swings
  • Weird sleeping patterns
  • Muscle and joint aches
  • Low energy and fatigue
  • Weight Gain
  • Loss of concentration and focus
Does anyone else see anything strange about these two lists?  Yeah, me too.  I think my body is reading medical texts while I'm asleep and then messing with me for sheer entertainment!

One of. my most favorite parts of this new mess is that the best way to get vitamin D is to go out in the sun.  Good in theory right?  Unless of course you are on a bunch of other medications that all say to stay out of the sun.  What is a girl to do??

In my usual fashion, when confronted with something new and different I dive into research.  Knowledge is power!  Off I go to hit the books (or Internet as the case may be), I'll keep you all posted!

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Another Broken Scale!

You know, I'm beginning to wonder if it is me that is the problem and not the scale.  Nah, it couldn't possibly be me!  Could it?

When I started this journey, I had these wonderful pictures in my head of sitting around the Christmas Tree having lost almost all of the weight and feeling overjoyed with pride and success. I guess Santa didn't get my letter.

I wish taking off the weights were as easy as putting it on?  That seems too much to hope for now.  Oh well, onward and upward (or downward as the scale goes)!

This coming Friday I have orientation at school.  Yup, just me and a bunch of 18 - 20 year-olds.  Bring it!

I also go see the Doctor tomorrow as my last blood tests show deficiencies in some essential vitamins.  According to my wonderful Doctor, these deficiencies could be the cause of the weird weight gain and my current frustration.  She says she can fix it.  She's really a wonderful Doctor, I believe her.

I'm also thinking it might be time to do a kitchen purge.  Get rid of all the foods that have begun to sneak back into the pantry.  I hate it when contraband food magically appears in my kitchen!  I don't know how it happens.

Friday, December 10, 2010


There is a famous story about Robert Johnson, the father of the Blues.  It is said that he was a mediocre musician until the day he met the devil at the Crossroads.  He bargained with the devil for talent, which the devil was more than happy to trade for Johnson's soul.  

When Johnson returned from the Crossroads, he was a gifted musician with talent and skill to be reckoned with.  It was Robert Johnson who gave us the backbone beat of the Delta Blues that would eventually become Rock and Roll.  Johnson is considered the father of Rock and Roll.  But the cost for gift of fame and fortune was high; for Johnson was also a drunk and a womanizer.  He was killed at age 27 by a jealous husband with whose wife Johnson had wooed.

Cool story, huh?  Wondering why I told you that story?  Because we all come to a point where we are standing at the CrossroadsIt is here when we must make a decision; take the easy way out or to stand firm in your convictions and beat the devil at his own game.

Ever since I first talked about food addiction, I've been thinking about Robert Johnson and his fateful trip to those Crossroads.  It seems it is time for me to make my decision.  Do I take the easy way out and stop here?  Accept the 75 lb loss that I have and call it good?  Or do I turn away from the devil and take the high road?  I say high road because this option is an uphill battle, all the way.

The high road means lots of work, commitment, frustration and courage when you have none left.  It is slow to offer the traveler gifts and has many potholes and blocked roads to impede your journey.

The road has become rocky and debris strewn in front of me.  Excuses are beginning to come easier and easier to my thoughts and lips.  This has become very difficult for me and I have been questioning my commitment to this quest of mine.

Last night, everyone was working and none of us arrived home much before 8 pm.  We were all tired and hungry and no one wanted to go near the kitchen, much less the stove.  Sound familiar?  We've all been there.  

Anyway, The Boy decided that he wanted Taco Bell.  Know that I have always hated particular restaurant; I don't like their food and it tends to make me ill.  I opened my mouth to protest and I swear that Myron suddenly possessed my body, because I heard myself tell the guys what I wanted to order.

I scarfed the food down when it arrived and spent the night not sleeping and feeling like I had a huge rock in the pit of my stomach.  I am paying for my bad decision in more ways than you could believe.

Funny, but I don't remember the Robert Johnson story having a Taco Bell on the corner of the Crossroads.  Perhaps my Crossroads are different from the ones he stood at.  But a Crossroad is a Crossroad and I have come to mine; it is time to make a decision.

What do I do now?

Wednesday, December 8, 2010


When I started this journey and blog, I did it with the intention of helping other people who were in the same boat I was.  I was hoping that my quest would help others know that they were not aloneWhat I have learned in the last few months, is that I learn much from the amazingly insightful comments you all make.

Quite often, a comment that someone has made on an entry has forced me to re-look at a situation or rethink the way I am dealing with things.

My last post was about food addiction.  Yes, as usual, I made a couple of snarky comments about it.  Snarky is always my first line of defense.  Followed closely by all out sarcasm and then turning and running away if the topic is too much for  me to really deal with.

I know that I have a big problem with emotional eating.  Last week, when I was incredibly upset about some things, I managed to down 2 ice cream sandwiches (plan approved), and a large bowl of plan approved ice cream.  Now, while individually, these special treats are okay; I doubt that two sandwiches and a 3-4 servings bowl of ice cream are what people were thinking when they wrote the nutrition label.

Even when I know that I shouldn't eat something; that I will beat myself up later, I still find that I devour everything I know NOT to eat when I get upset.  Is that an addiction to food?  That I reach for things that are horribly bad for me when I am stressed and at the end of my rope?

What good does it do me when, after chowing down, I get so angry with myself that I am driven right back to . . . you got it, the fridge!  That seems like a vicious circle.  How exactly does one go about breaking that cycle?

I have so much admiration for those who can stand strong in the face of such challenges!  Perhaps more research on food addiction is required here.  What do you all think?

Monday, December 6, 2010

Food Addiction

Everyone seems so obsessed with addictions lately.  You can now be addicted to anything; food, booze, sex, love, I could go on but the list begins to get weirder after those.

I took a quiz today on Prevention to see if I was a food addict.  Yeah, I know, the answer to that one of pretty obvious.  Here are some of the points that were made after I took the quiz:

You're at the airport, hurrying past the food shops as you try to catch your plane. You notice the cinnamon bun kiosk and:
Your Response : wish you had time to stop.

One of the differences between food addicts and people who just like to eat is that cravings hit food addicts much harder. If your cravings are so intense that you'd risk missing a flight, you probably fall into the former category, especially if you found yourself salivating: According to a study by Finnish researchers, people who are addicted to sweets in particular not only intensely crave their "substance" of choice, but also have greater physiological responses to the very thought of it.

When you order the super size fries at lunch, your significant other makes a joke about the size of your appetite. You respond by:
Your Response : feeling a little embarrassed.
If your eating habits are a sore subject, it may be a sign that food plays too big of a role in your life, another hallmark of addiction. Even if someone is only joking about a problem, addicts know deep down that there is a problem--and it's no joke. "If you love your food, just talking about it will irritate and anger you," says Gold. 
 It's 11 pm on a work night and you feel like having a bowl of ice cream but don't have any Chunky Monkey in the house. You:
Your Response : get in the car and drive to the nearest convenience store.

Stealing your kids' treats, throwing a coat on over your pajamas and making a donut run, leaving a party early so you can stop for a quart of ice cream--this kind of behavior raises a red flag and indicates that you're eating for reasons other than hunger. 
 Do they think that people are going to feel better if they are told they have a food addiction?  What a great out:  "It wasn't my fault I ate that gallon of ice cream, I'm addicted."  Check it out, a ready made excuse!

Part of me wants to think it's a crock, part of me wants to figure out a way to use it as a reason to eat what I want.  You know, I've heard of over-eaters anonymous, and thought it was a crazy idea.  Now I'm beginning to wonder about that.

These are the things that run through my head when I am at a low ebb on commitment and mental strength.  What do I do?  Take a deep breath and hope tomorrow is a better day.

But next time I'm in dire need of chocolate, can I use the addiction excuse? 

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Movie Night

For the first time in a very long time, we went to a movie theater to see a movie.   We went as a family too, sort of.  We went in one car but then The Boy and his girlfriend sat as far away from me and Hubby as possible (surprise, surprise).

We got all settled in and then wonderful Hubby went to the concession stand.  Those suckers are highway robbery, in more ways than one!

Let's say your in the mood for a little sweet, those folks know nothing about little!  If you want Twizzlers (my personal fave) you end up with enough of those little red twisted sticks to feed a small army!  After, of course, you have laid out enough cash to clothe and feed that army for a month!

Then there is the popcorn.  What human in their right mind need a humongous vat of popcorn drenched in greasy butter flavored oil?  Even if you skip the "butter", by the time you reach the bottom of the bucket, you have missed the movie, because the munching in your head is louder than the soundtrack!

Then, if you are thirsty, you can purchase a swimming pool size soda to wash the popcorn down.  Realize, if you will, that you have spent $4.50 on a soda that costs the theater approximately 2 cents - and that includes the cup!

Do you suppose there is a theater out there that sells somewhat healthy fare in reasonable sized portions?  Dare to dream . . .

The movie was awesome though!

Friday, December 3, 2010


Well, the Christmas season is officially upon us, last night was the band's Holiday Extravaganza Concert.  You all know that The Boy is in band and that I seem to find the dedication and work ethic of these students inspiring.

Last night was no exception.  In fact, my amazement at this wonderful group of kids reached an all time high!

For the first time in school history, the concerts of the middle school bands and high schools bands were combined.  Which means that the audience was treated everything from the 7th grade band to the Symphonic Band made up of mostly juniors and seniors.

We watched in growing pride the progression our students make as they grow; not only physically and musically, but in dedication, commitment, and discipline.  It wasn't only the students that were impressive, but our Director's never cease to amaze with their dedication and obvious love of all of these incredible students.

You can not help but be charmed and humbled by watching these kids.  We went from the  7th graders who were obviously very nervous to the oh so poised and confident juniors and seniors, who are so comfortable preforming that they have no problem turning a song into a full band comedy performance, all the while sounding like a professional ensemble!

The discipline and dedication that these magnificent kids have was so apparent last night, it took your breathe away.  These wonderful students, all of them, work so hard and push the limits of their abilities every day.  Under the care and guidance of our two directors, who specialized in pulling every ounce of talent out of these kids while managing to turn them in to a cohesive unit.

If these kids are willing to work this hard, how could anyone in any way associated with them not be inspired to demonstrate the same level of commitment and dedication to a goal that they do?

It's something that we could all take a lesson from and should, in our own lives, strive for!

Thursday, December 2, 2010


Snow started falling yesterday.  I find it rather appropriate that we got our first snow fall on December 1st.  At one point yesterday, I looked up from my desk and just watched it softly fall, it was beautiful.

The holidays are in the air and everyone is  excitedly talking about holiday plans and Christmas lists.  Do you think Santa would take 50 pounds off me for Christmas?  That would be an awesome present!

Oddly enough, I am suddenly finding it difficult to avoid caffeine.  Yesterday was a perfect morning for a steaming cup from Starbucks.  I didn't stray, I just kept reminding myself how much better I feel with no caffeine in my system.

I am going to stay on plan and maintain a positive attitude.  I can do that. Besides, it will be fun to feed everyone Diabetic things and laugh as they are extolling how awful it is that I can no longer have the wonderful things that I now bake.  (hehehehe).

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

The five minute freakout

All of my life, when things have gone wrong, I have allowed myself a five minute freak out.  Okay, sometimes (most times) it's a bit longer than five minutes!  But here is how it works.  I am allow a short bit of time to freak out and be upset.  After I have that out of my system I force myself to regroup and take a fresh look at things.

My Grandma and Mom have always said "Don't worry, things will look better in the morning."  They were right.  (Boy would my Mom like to hear that!)

I poured over my books last night, had a long talk with my friend, got a bit of sleep and now I'm ready to get to work.

 I mentioned not too long ago that it's all a matter of perspective.  Perhaps I should take my own advice more often.  It's all in the way you look at things and last night I was looking at things in the worst way possible.  This morning, things are different.

Yes, apparently I have had a small set back.  A minor bump in the road that I can certainly get past.  (My life's road has had much bigger potholes than this - even a couple of sink holes!)  I am a Person with Diabetes and sometimes things don't always go as planned; you have to learn to roll with the punches.

(Yes, I could use a few more clich├ęs if i tried really hard.  But you get the point, right?)

I had forgotten that this complication in my life has brought its share of good things, not just bad:
  • It has helped me motivate myself to lose weight.
  • I am much happier and healthier now than I was a year ago.
  • I'm learning to not swallow all of my problems and stress (literally!)
  • I have discovered a new passion and am going back to school!
  • I am learning degrees of discipline that I had never dreamed of before. 
  • The three of us are having fun with food and healthy eating.
  • My migraines have decreased.
  • I have walked 2, count them 2 5K's!
  • I discovered there is life without caffeine.
  • I have met some really wonderful people through this little blog of mine.

That seems like a pretty positive list. I thought last night about sweet old gentleman from my Dlife show.  You remember, the 92 year old man who has had Diabetes for more than sixty years?  Yeah, that's him, the two tablespoons of flax seed guy!   I thought about him last night as I was drifting off to sleep.  I don't think he would have a pity party at a little setback.  He'd face it head on and find a way to turn it into a positive!

If he can do it, so can I!  Watch out world, my five minute freak out is over and I'm ready to take you on again!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Please forgive me . . .

You all know that I committed at the beginning of this venture to be square and honest about this journey; which means talking about the bad along with the good.  I try to keep it upbeat as best I can.  This is not one of those posts.

I have been feeling "off" the last couple of months.  I've been sleeping more during the day, and have become a bit of a space cadet.  My sugar levels have been doing weird things as well.  Simply put, my glucose levels are bouncing up and down faster than the Dow Jones Index!

Not to be defeated, I took myself off to the Doctor's office today.  I was well armed with all of my meter readings and my food journal and anything else that I could think of.  (Have I mentioned I LOVE research and reports?  Yes, I realize that is a sick thing, but what are you going to do?)

First things first - the scale.  Somehow, between Sunday and today (2 Days) I gained 6 pounds!!  But wait, it gets weirder!  With all the ups and downs in my glucose, my doctor did an A1C check. (The A1C is a blood test that gives your average blood glucose for the last three months.  The higher the number the worse your glucose levels are.  Since I began this journey I have reduced by A1C from 7.6 to 5.6.)  My A1C today was 5.4!  Which told us that I was doing a better job of maintaining my blood sugar than I was three months ago!

I couldn't take it any more, I burst into tears.  Yes, I know it was a positive thing, but I was so confused I couldn't make sense of anything!

We did a blood test and my doctor is reviewing the information that I brought to her.  She kept telling me not to be discouraged, but I was so frustrated I had no idea what to do.

I reminded her that I was going back to school to be a Dietitian.  My Doctor said that she remembered and she is really happy for me.  My response?  "No one is going to listen to a fat Dietitian!"  (I think she wanted to laugh at that point.  She didn't, bless her heart!)

I have calmed down a bit and am now cozied up in my little corner surrounded by my Diabetes books.  While we wait for the blood work, I am going into research mode!

I am discouraged, I'll admit it.  Living with Diabetes can be frustrating.  Trying to lose weight, maintaining good blood sugar levels on top of that seems impossible sometimes.

Nothing is impossible!  It just means that I have to remind my body who is in charge here!  I am in charge and I will figure this out!  I just have to remember to not panic and get easily frustrated.

This is the type of day that makes me glad I have a wonderful support system! 

Monday, November 29, 2010

What is going on?

Sometimes I feel like heaven's little entertainment center.  No, seriously.  I think all those folks up in heaven, get bored and say: "Hey!  Things are slow, let's throw something weird at Katie and see what she does with it!"

Don't you ever feel like that?  There you are going along living your life and BAM! along comes something so weird you don't even know what to think, much less do about it.

I've been feeling 'off' lately.  I'm still eating properly, and doing everything else I'm supposed to do.  My weight loss has significantly slowed down and my blood sugar is bouncing around like a super ball.

Tomorrow I have an appointment to see my doctor so hopefully, she can provide me with some sort of answer.

It is sooooo not fair that things go wonky when I have actually been a good and dutiful Person with Diabetes. 

It's a good thing I have a good sense of humor.  If I didn't I might start taking "someone's" name in vain!

Sunday, November 28, 2010


The true meaning of torture:  Making it through the holidays while maintaining or (hopefully) losing weight.

Seriously, has anyone ever really  been able to resist their old family favorites?  Let's face it, the rest of the world is not going to stop making the wonderful goodies of the holiday's just because you aren't able to indulge.  (I realize that we all think we are the center of the universe, unfortunately that is not true!)

Come on, who needs water-boarding when you can just waive amazing Christmas cookies under someones nose and then set the plate in front of them!

Why am I on this bizarre little rant?  Today is Sunday.  If it's Sunday, it must be weigh in day!  I actually think I did pretty well.  I am a 1/2 lb. down.  Not fabulous; but not horrible either.  Let's face it, if it were any other time of year, I'd be having a little "Beat on Katie" party.  But, as it is the weekend after Thanksgiving, I am going to give myself points for not gaining 5 lbs on Thursday alone!

So, how do we do it?  Is it even possible to maintain or lose from the fourth Thursday of November to January 2nd?  Yeah, I know, all the weight loss sites are extolling the virtues of staying on their plans through the holidays.

There are all those little tips and tricks that everyone says will help.  I even read a article on CNN this morning on 'healthy mall food' (isn't that a crock!)

I made it through the first one okay.  Perhaps what I will have to do is picture Myron and Couch Potato behind every plate of cookies and dish of pretty candy.

Will power.  That is the only thing that is going to work, sheer willpower.  Do I have enough?  Does anyone?

We are about to find out!  Bring on the holidays!

Friday, November 26, 2010

Perspective, it's all in how you look at things

Yesterday was a good day!  Family all around, lots of laughter and fun.  The food was amazing, if I do say so myself, and there was plenty for all.

I find myself amused at some of my family members.  Around noon, when the family from up north joined us, on of my favorite people asked.  "Are you guys still on your strict diet?"  I chose not to answer, but hubby jumped in with a quick, "For the most part."

Part of me wanted to laugh.  Strict diet?  Well, okay, I guess you could call it that.  Personally I view it as a way to live.  You can't shake Diabetes like you can 10 pounds.  I guess it's all in how you look at things.

If I chose to look at our new lifestyle as a strict diet, then, from my perspective, I am doomed to failure. No one can maintain and eating plan if they perceive it as strict; that makes you think only of what you can not eat.

I am trying to think of our new eating plan as a fun and interesting challenge.  Can I really make it through the grocery store and avoid the cookie isle?  Is it possible to make food taste amazing without salt and a ton of sugar?  Since I don't like cooked veggies, how many different ways can I find to prepare them so I don't get bored?

Viewed this way, I am challenged every day to come up with something new and flavorful.  I don't need sugar and salt when I have an entire cadre of spices and herbs to use.  Come on, why salt your food when you can add the zing of ground mustard and dill to your morning eggs, or flavor the Thanksgiving turkey with lemon, oranges and sage?  For extra fun, you can slip a mixture of dried cherries and cranberries under the skin so that tangy flavor sinks deep into the meat.  

I'm telling you, it was the best turkey I have ever made, and no part of it was at all dry.  My mom found a new recipe to replace pumpkin pie, and I found that way more tasty than carb loaded pie crust!

Strict diet?  I guess you could view it that way, if you wanted to torture yourself by thinking about all the things you can't have.

Much more fun and interesting, however, to view the process as a challenging journey.  I can not maintain a strict diet all of my life and not cheat.  I can  look forward everyday to discovering new and interesting things to eat.

It's all a matter of perspective.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

My favorite day

Thanksgiving has always been one of my most favorite days of the year!  As you know, I love to cook.  I mean I really LOVE TO COOK!  It's even better when I get to make a huge, special meal for my family.  Everyone sits around the table eats themselves stupid, laugh, talk and really enjoy each other.

It's even better when the whole family is together, it's cold outside and everything inside is warm, cozy, and the house smells like love and roasting turkey, or ham, or a roast, or whichever protein is heading up the meal.

This year is going to be different.  I'm still making the turkey, the wonderful 'little' thing is enjoying it's lemon and orange brine bath as we speak.  But the turkey may be about the only thing that remains from the holiday meals of old.

I have been combing though the diabetic websites and my cookbooks to come up with tasty 'substitutions' for our old standbys.  Regular mashed potatoes that have about a bazillion carbs per serving are being replaced by Three Cheese Whipped Potatoes (brought to you by fluffy mashed potatoes with ricotta cheese, cottage cheese and Gorgonzola cheese mixed in, for only one carb serving!  Doesn't that sound soooo much better than regular old mashed potatoes?  I thought so too!

The turkey is going to be especially tasty with lots of lemon and garlic and sage!  I get warm fuzzy feelings in my tummy just thinking about it!!

Can I manage to stay on plan and still pull off a spectacular holiday meal?  I think so, I just have to be really creative!  I can do that!

We don't need sugar to make a wonderful meal, all I need is love. . . and I have plenty of that!!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Not an option

The other day, my mother asked me if I was giving up on my quest.  She had been reading my last few blogs and was worried that I was quitting.

I don't quit. I can't quit.  Failure is not an option.

I have been talking to a lot of people lately and have been reading as much as I can on motivating yourself through a difficult time.

Here is what I have learned:
  1. There comes a point in every journey where it isn't fun anymore and the difficulty increases.
  2. When your will is weak, you have to become strong. 
  3. Going off your plan will screw with you . . . bad!
Okay, the last one is mine, but it is so true.  It has become hard, and frustrating.  I knew this test would come, and while I have always tested badly, I still have every intention to ace this one!

Here is my personal goal for the week.  I intend to lose weight this week.  Yes, turkey day and all.

If I can do that, I can do anything!  I intend to succeed!  That climbing wall is still there, waiting for me!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

In an effort to maintain a good attitude, there was no weigh in today.  I was afraid that if I got onto the scale, the pity party would begin again.  As no one, especially me, wants to go there one more time, the weigh in was canceled.

I have a new game plan, menu ready and have a plan for Thanksgiving.  All systems are go, I just hope I am as well!

Saturday, November 20, 2010

What was I thinking?

The last few weeks have been very difficult for me food-wise.  With the weather changing, and extra stressors (good and bad), I have been lax in what has gone in my mouth.  I am not happy about it, and I keep arriving at the same conclusion:  What was I thinking?

Last night is a good example.  We have this new little restaurant in town; the owners are the parents of one of The Boy's friends.  In an effort to offer support, we have eaten there a few times.  The first couple of times we were there I chose wisely off the menu; last night I lost my mind.

Migraines have been coming fast and furious for a few weeks now, linked, I believe; in part as my body's response to the lax eating regime.   One of the things that I do during a migraine is eating plenty of protein.  I have no idea what the science behind it is, but it actually does help.

Last night I ate a burger (which is fine) and FRENCH FRIES!!!  This is totally unacceptable!  I have no idea why, it was like my brain turned off and I went on autopilot.  Unfortunately, when it comes to food, my brain tends to default to junk.

Here is the kicker; I feel terrible!  Not just emotionally, physically.  I was fine for a couple hours after dinner, and then it was like my body started screaming in response to the crap I had just fueled it with.  My stomach was upset; the migraine (that had subsided) came roaring back with a vengeance!  Not only that, but every muscle in my body began to hurt!  Can a body picket the brain?  I seriously think that is what happened.

 I know better; really I do.  That is what has me so frustrated.  I have been complaining because the scale is not budging, yet I have put really awful garbage in my body.

The old saying, "You are what you eat"; I now realize is absolutely true!  I have been putting crappy garbage in my body, and in return, my body is feeling crappy.

And that is only the physical feeling; I haven't even mentioned the psychological ramifications!   My brain goes on autopilot, I eat the wrong thing (not bad, remember food is neither good nor bad), and an hour or so later, the little voice inside of me goes on attack.  Let me tell you, I can do a better number on beating myself up than anyone else ever could!

Why is this happening?  I believe that I became lax, I stopped paying attention.  I let Myron have reign and this is the result.  Weigh in is tomorrow and I have a feeling it is going to be bad.

Who needs Myron and Couch Potato; I am my own worse enemy!  But, really, when you stop and think about it, aren't we all?

Thanks for letting me vent, I do feel a bit more . . . determined than I did before.

This is me, picking myself back up, brushing myself off; and moving on down the path.  Now I have the proper light in my hand again, to light the way.

Why do I do this to myself????

Thursday, November 18, 2010

More thoughts on Emotional Eating

Yeah, yeah, I don't want to beat a dead horse either, but I really do have some more thoughts on this emotional eating thing.  My brain started playing matching games today.  What do I mean by that?

Horrible day at work = cake
Emotional stress brought on by obnoxious teenager = ice cream
Migraine = chocolate
Fight with the husband and I need to be making some chocolate mousse.  
(Good thing we don't fight that often!)

I thought it was going to stop there, until I was reminded that naughty sugars come in liquid form as well.

A full week of Monday's at work = vodka
Arguing with my family = rum and coke
Flat tire and other car trouble = Bring on the Long Island Ice Tea!
Think about it.  Do you have certain foods you go to when you are stressed or upset?  I mean come on, remember when a bad breakup called for lots of Godiva chocolate and a Ben and Jerry sampler platter?

I used to think that Myron was a screaming little demon, I'm starting to think that he is really a badly disguised M&M and Couch Potato is his nutty little friend!

That is their new plan!  Keep me reaching for those evil little treats when I am upset and the weight stays on.

How do we combat this?  I'm still trying to figure it out.  Let me know if anyone thinks of anything!

Emotional Eating

I am reading this book right now on emotional eating.  I'm hoping it's going to help me to NOT eat when my emotions are all over the place.  (I am slightly frightened that it will teach me HOW to eat when my emotions are screwed up.  'Cause I pretty much have that down cold!)

Anyway, it got me thinking, how much of what goes in my mouth, and onto my hips, is put there because I was upset or stressed and not really hungry.  Think about it.  It's a really easy concept, but once you actually start to think about it, it is rather scary!

Buried emotions are frightening things.  Not only do they make you fat (emotional eating), but they can sneak up on you at unfortunate times and make you feel lousy all over again.

When I was in college, I had some truly horrifying experiences.  That was when my true weight problem began.  I worked through what happened to me, even had some counseling; but still, when something brings a memory up, I head straight to the fridge and the ice cream inside!

I guess I put on the weight as a sort of shield.  I must admit, it did help keep people away.  But the more weight I put on, the worse I felt.  The worse I felt the more I raided the kitchen; which in turn made me upset that I had no self-control!  Does anyone else see the spiraling vortex here?

It is easy to see and identify, but almost impossible to manage.  I'm hoping that identifying why I eat will help me along the path I want to be on, rather than the one I have walked most of my life.