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Wednesday, March 31, 2010

The Wall

I've heard the phrase "Hitting the wall" from friends that run and pursue other high impact sports.  I never really understood what that meant until today.

Driving home today I had the most incredible craving for chocolate.  Chocolate, sugar, candy, especially peeps.  I love peeps.  So there I am tooling down the road and all I can think about is how wonderful a candy bar would taste, better yet a dark chocolate Godiva bar with raspberry filling!   Barring that I was ready to stop in at the market and make a dash down the candy isle with an empty cart.  I figured it would only take me about 45 seconds to fill it!

My palms started to sweat and I actually began to feel panic.  I knew what this was.  This was the day!  This was the day that I was going to bail.  All of my life whenever I have attempted to lose weight when I hit a day like today, I bailed.  I gave into that snot nosed little demon Myron and gorged myself on everything that I had denied myself. 

In desperation, I called my mom, I knew she would be home, and if anyone on earth could keep me on the straight and narrow, she could.  That's what mothers are for, right?  Guess what?  SHE WASN'T HOME!!!  AAGGGHHH!!!!

My fingers automatically dialed my husband (it's a good thing one part of my body was thinking clearly!).  He answered and talked to me and explained in a very patient voice why I really didn't want to bankrupt the family in the candy isle at Walmart.

I took the back way home so I avoided the "strip", the main road in our area with all of the fast food places and grocery stores - all of which sell candy.

I made it home and got to thinking about my conversation with my hubby, it reminded me of the type of call that an addict would make to their sponsor in a weak moment.  That made my warped little mind think "There is an Alcoholics Anonymous, a Narcotics Anonymous, Smoker's Anonymous, it would follow that there would be a Chocoholic Anonymous , right?

Made sense to me (but remember, my mind was still on a hot fudge sundae and a package of pink peeps).  I pulled up the internet and typed in  I am not kidding, there really is a site by that name.  I got all excited, I'm thinking that I was going to find folks who were in the same boat I was.  There was going to be a wonderful 12 step program, this was going to be easy  I was going to be free of chocolate cravings forever!  This was awesome!  This was amazing!  This was an answer to prayer!

THIS WAS A SITE FOR A CANDY STORE!!!  I was stunned.  It was so wrong on so many levels! is a flipping candy store!
That's like false advertising!  Do they have laws like that in Australia?  What is wrong with these people?  I mean come on, people like me come to their page hoping for sympathy and understanding and what do we get?  Buy chocolate from us and you can be a Freak!  A Freak!  No lie!  Here is a quote from the site:

Become a Freak

By attending a Chocoholics party you have taken the first step in admitting your addiction to chocolate. We at the Chocoholics Anonymous Institute support your choice to join our exclusive club and want to reward your decision to not give up,. but give in!
When you attend 10 parties or host 5, and purchase chocoholics products at each party, you will be considered a Certified Chocoholic Freak.

These people are demented!

All that aside, it is now after 10:00 PM and I have broken through the wall.  There are no endorphins on the other side of this one.  But for me, something better came through.  I made it through my worst day.  I stayed on plan and held strong.  I didn't do it all by myself, I leaned on my wonderful husband; and he kept his promise and helped me keep the dread dragon Couch Potato at bay!
I proved to myself today that I can do this, I can make it through even the worst of days.  I may not have drinking or drug problem, my addiction is perfectly legal and is sold in each and every store.  But as long as I have my family and friends to help me, I can push through anything.

But I'm never going to ever again!

Oh, by the by, their mission statement is:
Give me a break!

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

If you haven't figured out by now, when I set myself a goal I go full out so that I fully understand the subject.  I have discovered that there is a lot of information out there on weight loss, proper nutrition, and what foods do what.  I am finding this all very fascinating.  Yeah, I'm a little weird that way.

Most people, I'm given to understand, need approximately 1200 - 1500 calories  day.Okay, that sounds reasonable.  But wait, what exactly is a calorie?  Does anyone know?  I didn't, so I looked it up, here is what says:

cal·o·rie  [kal-uh-ree]

1.  Thermodynamics.
           a.  Also called gram calorie, small calorie. an amount of heat  exactly  equal to 1840 joules. Abbreviation: cal
         b.  (usually initial capital letter) kilocalorie. Abbreviation: Cal 
2.  Physiology.
         a.  a unit equal to the kilocalorie, used to express the heat output of an organism and the fuel or energy value of food.
        b.  a quantity of food capable of producing such an amount of energy.

One question, what is up with that?  Heat burning energy?  a calorie is equal to the kilocalorie?  That is like explaining that a meter is equal to a kilometer to an older person who has no concept of the metric system.

Who exactly is the person who decided that was going to be the method of calculating food intake?  Was there a committee?  Did they understand what they were doing?  It just seem sort of random to me.

I'll tell you something though, the more research I do, the less I want to eat!  It's all so complicated and gross!


Monday, March 29, 2010

New tastes, New thoughts.

Remember those artichokes from yesterday?  Yeah, I've been thinking about them all day.  They were awesome!  Who would have known that something that bizarre looking would taste that amazingly wonderful?  That, of course, led to a discussion around here of how tastes change.

A month ago, I craved, chocolate, ice cream, chocolate, sweets, chocolate, bread, chocolate, flaky pastries to go with my morning coffee, chocolate, and well, chocolate.  Now, I'm craving artichokes and yogurt.

I am amazed at the things that are happening to me and the rest of the family.  I have more energy, I'm excited to sit down and eat at dinner and figuring out new foods to try has become a new challenge for all three of us.

There is no doubt about it, this is hard.  I think this is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.  I feel like I am fighting every minute of everyday against that little demon Myron.  Myron wants to hang around, he doesn't want me to find another way to deal with stress and difficulties, shoveling them all down my throat has worked just fine for him until now.

But I have never been one to do what others expect me to do, much to my elders' chagrin.  So everyday, I am trying to find something, anything, to make it worth pushing on through, worth driving by the ice cream stand, worth passing on the french fries I would dearly love to eat; and worth getting out and going for a walk when all I really want to do is curl up on the sofa and read a trashy romance novel.

I am learning that I am stronger than Myron, I am stronger than the ice cream, the donuts, and even the chocolate.  No gooey, sticky, sweet treats are going to sideline me . . . I'm in this until the end.

I can do this.  Know why?  Because . . . .


Sunday, March 28, 2010

Artichokes the fun vegetable!

Happy Sunday! You know what that means; weigh in day . . .
The Boy: up 2lbs ("It's muscle from the exercise")
Hubby: up 1.5 lbs ("It's muscle.")
Me: Down 2 lbs! (I'm such a loving caring person, I gave the 1.5 that I gained last week to my hubby; aren't I a good spouse?)

News Flash . . . CNN had the following headline this evening:
Fatty foods may cause cocaine-like addiction

Where have these folks been, under a rock? My favorite part about the article is that this ground-breaking information is coming from  Here are a couple of highlights:

"Doing drugs such as cocaine and eating too much junk food both gradually overload the so-called pleasure centers in the brain, according to Paul J. Kenny, Ph.D., an associate professor of molecular therapeutics at the Scripps Research Institute, in Jupiter, Florida. Eventually the pleasure centers "crash," and achieving the same pleasure--or even just feeling normal--requires increasing amounts of the drug or food, says Kenny, the lead author of the study."

 "People know intuitively that there's more to [overeating] than just willpower," he says. "There's a system in the brain that's been turned on or over-activated, and that's driving [overeating] at some subconscious level."

How much time and money do we think went into this amazing research?  Hey, they could have found all that out at a Weight Watchers meeting, watching an Oprah show, or simply Googling weight loss!  I mean come on!    What was the results of his very important study that he conducted on rats.  Rats!  Oh great, first people in my situtation are compared to cocoaine addicts, and then he compares us to rats!  This guy is not scoring any points with me! 

"Although he acknowledges that his research may not directly translate to humans, Kenny says the findings shed light on the brain mechanisms that drive overeating and could even lead to new treatments for obesity.
"If we could develop therapeutics for drug addiction, those same drugs may be good for obesity as well," he says."

Does anyone else think that this dude weighs about 90lbs soaking wet and has an issue with overweight folks?

Tonight was new recipe night.  I tried artichokes for the very first time (other than in a dip with spinach and gobs of cheese).  Guess what?  Artichokes rock!   Who would have thought that a vegetable would have been fun to eat!  You get to rip the leaves off peel the "meat" off on your teeth and discard the rest of the leaf.  I had so much fun eating the stupid thing that I almost forgot to eat the rest of my dinner!

Sometimes I find myself amazed and almost in awe of the foods that I am eating now.  Who would have known that a confirmed "carboholic" (is there such a thing?) is now happily trying new vegetables and pulling out the vegetarian cookbooks!

Did I mention that I love Ice Cream . . .

Did I mention that I love Artichokes . . .

 Fatty foods may be truly addictive

Saturday, March 27, 2010

The Great American Oxymoron!

The boy has discovered that he really enjoys running! So, when we do our 5K in May, he will be running, not walking! This new experience requires a change of footwear for the lad; a prospect that really excited his shoe obsessed Grandmother! At her suggestion, we all set out for the mall today to check out running shoes.

I realized something as we were walking down the mall dodging teenagers holding hands, gazing into each others eyes and giggling (ah, young love),the mall has become an oxymoron! Have you noticed that all the clothing stores cater to skinny people? I mean who do you know that fits into a size 0 jean? A size 0 jean? What is that anyway? Why bother 0 is nothing? Is that for someone with no waist? I’m just wondering.

Trying on all these skinny clothes is going to make you hungry, so you should probably go grab something to eat on your way out. What do you prefer? TGI Fridays, A Signature sandwich from Panera, Dairy Queen has luscious sundaes. If you rather have ethnic, there are 3 pizza places, 2 Chinese places, Olga’s and I believe you might be able to grab a giant pretzel or two.

After you eat, you need to go back and return your new clothes for different sizes as you just went up a size or two!

Does anyone else see the disconnect here? We only sell clothes for skinny people, but we only sell food guaranteed to make you plus size? How do these places stay in business?

Then I saw them! I have discovered who the new front “men” for the junk food industry are – The Girl Scouts!!! There they were, set up in all their angelic innocence, hawking their gooey, chewy, fat laden cookies! Batting their big blue eyes, guilting everyone into buying their little packages of death and thunder thighs! Thank Goodness I was a Camp Fire Girl!

I mean really! It was like running a freaking gauntlet in a battlefield. In an effort to help me out, the boy suggested Olga’s so we could sit down out of the crowd and get a good salad. We sit down and order and both of my loving, supportive boys ordered FRIES!!! Do they think I have the will power of a saint? Are they Crazy???!!! Are they trying to kill me or make me insane?

I took a deep breath, split a salad with my mom and focused on not grabbing fistfuls of French fries off their plates! I made it through the meal without making a grab for anyone else’s plate and shockingly, both of my loving boys made it out of the restaurant alive as well; it was close there for a minute, but we made it!

Friday, March 26, 2010

Let's all Adapt

Our household is famous among our friends for Friday nights.  Friday night is Burrito night.  I know it's a little odd, but I married a guy from L.A. and bit of his weirdness followed us back to Michigan.  Everyone knows it's Burrito night, if you want a burrito, you call ahead and tell us what ingredient you will be bringing.  Then you show up at 7:00 PM and you will be served a custom made Burrito. 

Are you seeing the problem here?  No matter how hard I've looked - my special burrito recipe is not to be found on the Dtour plan! My brave men soldiered on for about three weeks this way, forgoing their beloved burritos in the name our new lifestyle, but frankly I couldn't stand the look on their pitiful little faces anymore at the dinner table.

I figured out a way to adapt the plan.  I modified my recipe (and the Dtour guidelines a bit) and found a way to make the new plan work in our lives.

Nothing can possibly be tailor made for everyone, everything needs a little bit of adaptation.  After all, we are all wonderfully different! If we were all made from cookie cutters life would be awfully boring.

I figure that if I can make a few changes in my life to accommodate my new partner Dtour, then my new partner Dtour can make a few changes to accommodate me!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

It's funny how people react

Shortly after I was diagnosed, while I was still reeling, someone that I cared about very much looked at me and said "I don't know why you're surprised, you knew it was coming!"

 Knew it was coming?  Did they think I went to Diabetics online and ordered myself a dose of Type II hold the insulin?  Oh yeah, express shipping please, I'd like the terror and complications faster than standard shipping allows.

It's funny how people react.

A family friend whom I absolutely adore sighed when she was told and said, I've been Type I for 22 years, it isn't as bad as you think, you'll be fine.  That was almost a year after my diagnosis and it was the first positive thing anyone had said to me about the "D" word.

It's funny how people react.

I was excited today at lunch because my snack for the afternoon was fig newtons.  One of my co-workers looked at me horrified and said "What are you doing?  Those are really bad for you!"  I glanced over at her and she was drinking a coke, had just sliced salami onto her salad and had a bag of chocolates next to her coke can, but my two fig newton cookies were bad for me!

It's funny how people react.

My closest friend, who professes to be a difficult person to deal with (she's not), simply hugged me and said, "Okay, we'll get through this too."  She's been there for me everyday, for every struggle and every failed weight loss attempt.  The best part is, she never judges me, she just smiles and makes me a cup of tea.

It's funny how people react.

From the minute I stood in front of the mirror and made the decision to make this work, one way or another.  My two wonderful men closed ranks around me and reminded me that together the three of us can do anything.

It's funny how people react.
You think that your job as a parent is to raise your children to be well adjusted happy adults, part of that is letting them know that you are proud of them.  The most surprising reaction of this whole experience thus far was the way I felt when my teenage son looked me in the eye and said "Mom, I'm really proud of you,"

It's funny how people react.


Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Research or Oh my Gosh! I'm eating what??!!

When I was in High School I was on the Debate Team.  Surprised?  Yeah, I thought not.  It was the class that I have used the most often in my daily life.  It taught me how to organize my thoughts quickly and articulate them clearly, I learned how to speak in front of an audience and not look (even if I felt) like a fool; but the thing that I loved best was the research.  I loved, and still love research!  So, when we started on this new adventure, I started doing what I know I do best.  I went to work doing research on Diabetes, my diet and exercise plan, and on our food in general.  Hence, yesterday's rant about McDonalds.

What I am learning is horrifying and terrifying me.  Where has all the common sense gone?  Who came up with the bright idea of growing a chicken in 45 days when nature says that it should take 90?  I'm all for progress, but has anyone noticed that there are an awful lot of men and teenage boys wandering around out there with "man-boobs"?  Do you think they would have them if "growers" weren't pumping all sorts of hormones into chickens to make their breasts 45% larger because most people like white meat?  Did anyone else give this a moment of thought?  Or am I the only sane one left on the planet?  Because if that is the case, we are all in a lot of trouble!

I am told the solution is to eat organic and free-range, I have a choice, so why don't I just go buy those instead?  Okay, awesome.  Has anyone looked at the prices of those?  Eggs from a free range farm = $3.00 per dozen.  Eggs from "regular" grocery store = $0.98.  And those are just eggs.  I was too afraid to look at the meat and veggies!

So, we have more people like me - little round people who have woken up, found that they resemble a weeble and want to look normal again!  Not only do we need to battle our own stomachs, brains and will power, now we have to walk through a grocery store which has become a mine field and learn an entirely new language.  The language of the nutrition label.  It is a much more complicated and confusing language than anything humans have ever conceived of before.

So here is what I'm thinking, we must be doing well and making awfully good progress, because we keep finding new and more difficult obstacles.  New ones we can deal with, after all, we are well past the old ones!  In my book, that is good news.

Just remember
  • corn is in just about everything we consume
  • anything that ends in ouse - is SUGAR
  • and McDonalds adds SUGAR to their salads!  (the freaks!)
Keep hanging in there with me.  We can do this!!   Because together, as a group, we are unstoppable!   And for the sake of all of us, I need to stop doing research on food!!

My Debate Coach would be so proud!!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Winners adapt with change, whiners don't!

An old High School friend of mine had the title on his Facebook page today and I asked if I could use it here.  I think it makes a good mantra.  Sorta speaks to shedding the old "whining" lifestyle and putting on the new "winning" one.  What am I winning?  I get to add 20-25 years back onto my life,  I get to look forward to SOMEDAY playing with grandchildren, there is the opportunity to grow old with my husband and become a crabby old lady and gossip on the porch with by best friend.  Add to that I will get to keep my eyesight and hopefully not have to stab myself with needles and I'm a happy camper!

The Boy (yes, that is said teenage son) talked me into watching the movie Super Size Me.  He thought it might help in my ongoing quest to understand how we got where we are and how to move onward to where we need to go as a family.  If you haven't seen it, watch it.  But do not watch alone or late at night, it is the most horrific movie ever made.

Premise:  Perfectly healthy guy with a girlfriend who is a Vegan Chef wants to put McDonalds' claims that their food is healthy and you will not get fat or sick from prolonged eating of it, to the test.  He eats nothing but McDonalds for 30 days, 3 meals a day.  He has to try everything on the menu at least once and if the server asks if he wants to super-size it, he must.  Oh yeah, and he must eat EVERYTHING he is served.

Over the course of the 30 days, he gains 24.5 pounds, his cholestrol goes up 230 points, he doubles his risk of heart disease and he basically pickles his liver on the high fat diet.  If you watch it (I haven't given all the good stuff away) you find yourself hoping and praying he will stop the experiment early.  It is the most horrible thing I have ever seen.

I immediately told both of my boys that they were forbidden from ever eating at McDonalds again!  An overreaction?  Watch the movie and you won't eat there either!!  Some of the other interesting things they said were that 1 in 3 teens in now obese and at risk of diabetes, 1 in 20 adults now has type 2 diabetes and our children are being exposed to 10,000 food ads per year directed specifically at them!!

I was appalled at what I was watching!  Then for a final blow, they were talking about the "healthy" options on the MickyDs menu.  My favorite is the Bacon Ranch Chicken Salad.  Sometimes when I am running short on time, I will get one for lunch.  I love them!  I get the grilled chicken and fat free Italian dressing (so I feel like I'm being a good little diabetic) and then I sit in the lunch room, eating my salad feeling very virtuous that I ate healthy, even at McDonalds.  Oh how wrong that idea was!!  Today, watching this horror fest of a movie, I find out that there is as much fat in my "healthy" salad as in a Big Mac!!  If I'm eating the fat anyway, shouldn't I at least get fries with that???
Okay so now we are at:
  • No Ice Cream Stand
  • No Cake
  • No Donuts
  • No Candy - Not even Peeps (I love Peeps - they are a happy candy)
  • No Chocolate
  • and now No McDonalds
I better stop reading and watching things; pretty soon, I won't be able to breath, as that is probably killing me too!

Monday, March 22, 2010

Vitamin D one of the Fat Fighting 4 of Dtour

I've mentioned before that the Dtour diet uses 4 "superstar nutrients" that combine to lower blood sugar and aid in losing weight. (from the Diabetes Dtour Diet).  The Diet uses a mix of  Fiber, Omega 3, Vitamin D, and calcium, which they call the Fat-Fighting 4.

The science seems to work, at least for me.  My blood sugar is coming under control and 12 lbs in 4 weeks is nothing to sneeze at!  I was upset about my gain last week so I went back to analyze my menus from the last few weeks to see where I went awry.

In reviewing my menus from the last couple of weeks, I noticed that I have not gotten the recommended amount of vitamin D.  No problem, thinks I, I'll just Google some foods that are rich in Vitamin D and see if I can work some of them in. Have you noticed yet that when I come up with these "brilliant" ideas, they never work out the way I expect?  Yeah, this didn't either.  Ya wanna see the list?  You're going to love it!
Pure Cod liver oil,
Pudding Liver and Cheese. 
SUNLIGHT is most potent source of natural vitamin D. 

I didn't start gagging until I got down to the Pudding Liver and Cheese.  What exactly is that?  Do you put pudding over the liver to hide it?  Do you make the liver into pudding (which is too gross to even think about), and what is up with the cheese?

You know what?  I think I'll stick with Milk, Tuna, Salmon, and Sunlight.  I can take lots of walks in the fresh air and sunshine! 

Maybe tomorrow I'll research Omega 3!

Sunday, March 21, 2010

One Month Weigh in Mark

Happy Sunday everyone!  If you have been following along you know what Sunday is (cue dramatic music) . . . weigh in day!

Totals for the Day:
Wonderful Loving Husband:  -3lbs (we hate him now!)
Teenage Son (note we have temporarily dropped the hormonal):  -2lbs - Yea Boy!!
Me:  +1.5 lbs - yes, I said plus - I gained.  Horror of Horrors!

We all hit this stage, things are rolling along really well and suddenly for no reason we can figure out, we step on the scale and BAZINGA! The angelic crowd has once again used us for comedic fodder!  The pounds that we have worked and sweated to lose, have creeped back up on us.

In the past, this would have been the time I would have thrown my arms up in the air and began stomping around the house all the while declaring myself a failure.  I would have proclaimed myself incapable of sticking to a simple eating plan and spent the next week whipping myself while I scoffed all manner of sweets and greasy food to comfort myself.  Does that sound like the stupidest thing in the world or what?  I just read that over and I made myself sound like a spoiled brat with no self control.  Huh, guess that good look in the mirror revealed a lot more than I had originally thought.  I have spent a lot of time hating myself!  What a waste of perfectly good time!

This morning, as I looked at the scale and one part of me took a deep breath, fully prepared to launch into full rant, another, calmer part of my brain seemed to seize control.  It was sort of surreal.  The internal conversation went something like this:

New Katie":  "Let's see, we slacked a little on weighing food, and we had to take Maxalt three times this week, which means we skipped three meal and snacks and we also missed three days of exercise.  That could do it."

Old Katie:  "Oh my God!  I gained a pound!  See, I told you we couldn't do it!  Now we have to get on the blog and tell everyone what a failure we are!  Our life is over!"

New Katie:  "Are you 3?  Cut the drama and think this through! There was no fish on the menu this week either.  We can fix this, some more exercise, go back to strict weighing of food and don't skip any more meals.  It's easy, we can do this!  Stop your whining and lets go."

Old Katie:  "Stop my whining?  How can I stop my whining?  That's what I do best."

New Katie:  "Then you might want to find a new home; this girl is on track and with the program.  We have outgrown you and your whining ways!  We have Dtoured to the sweet life and we have a 5K to train for.  Out of our way, we have no time for whining, spoiled brats!"

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Cooked Veggies Anyone?

I love veggies, in their raw form.  Carrots, salad, green peppers, snow peas are my favorite, cucumbers, spinach, any variety of lettuce, celery.  I love raw veggies.

Raw Veggies.  I love Raw Veggies.  I can not abide cooked veggies, or so I thought.  Just one more little surprise waiting in the wings for me with this new lifestyle!

Tonight's dinner seemed like a rather odd concoction.  It had tofu, tomatoes, spinach, breadcrumbs, and Parmesan cheese.  I know, bizarre, right?  We thought so too. But the rules are the rules; and in this case, the rule is  - shut up and try it.  So I did.

Know what?  I LIKE COOKED SPINACH!!!  Don't tell my mother, she may hold it over my head forever.  Oh wait, she was at dinner.  I wondered why she was looking at me weirdly across the table.

So, I ate cooked green stuff and contrary to what I have always proclaimed, I did not die from it!  Amazing!  

I wonder what other foods that I thought I would hate that I really like and just don't know it?

Friday, March 19, 2010

Hurdles and Signs

Having set a goal for myself, the 5K in May, I have immediately become fodder for the angelic crowd once again.  Today was to be my first training day.  Training, can you believe it?  I'm in training!  Anyway, my day was planned out, food - check, training schedule - check, migraine - check.  Migraine?   Yes, migraine.  I have had the irritating things since I was 11 and they inevitably strike at the worst time possible.

So, having my perfect plan ready to go, I woke to small miners digging for granite in my head (that is about all that is in there), the slightest bit of light felt like a knife through my eyes and once again the cats sounded like an army marching across the living room rug.

Determined not to be stopped, I took my Maxalt (thank God for Maxalt!) and crawled into my darkened room, with my very attentive kitty nurse, Bob.

By the time teenage son returned from school, I was able to eat an apple, no bread for this girl anymore!  I was able to make it downstairs for dinner and then . . .the entire family went for our first training walk!  I was so happy and excited!  Who would have guessed one month ago that I would be excited to go out for a walk?  Weird, isn't it?

That is one of the most wonderful things about this new Dtour my life has taken.  It's like we are on this wonderful adventure and anything is now possible.  I feel like I am getting a part of myself back that was lost for a very long time.  The house seems brighter, life is funnier and there is much more joy in our lives.

The Dtour book said it was about changing the way that you eat, but it is about so very much more!  It is about empowering yourself to take charge of your body and your life.  I am beginning to understand that now!  I am a convert!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

A Fractured Fairy Tale

Once upon a time there was a very short Princess.  This Princess never really thought of herself as royalty, things just never seemed to go her way.  Deciding that she needed to change her life, the Princess persuaded a great bird to fly her to a distant land.

Once there, our Princess met a Prince. (Isn’t that the way of fairy tales?)  This Prince looked at the Princess with pure love in his eyes and for the first time in her life, the girl actually felt like a Princess.  The Princess was ecstatically happy!  Soon, the Princess was told she was to have a child.  This made the Princess glow with love for her new found family.

The Prince and Princess loved to explore and wander far afield.  One enchanted day they took a very long walk, had a picnic by a waterfall and then took another very long walk back to their castle.  The next day, the Princess went to see her doctor, and this is where our story takes a turn.

Something was wrong with the baby and the Princess was confined to bed for the remainder of her pregnancy, 6 long months.  Their son was born and he was a joy to behold, but a light had gone from our Princess and she no longer was quick to run and play.

As the years passed, the Princess focused on her family and less on herself; she spent less time running, walking, and playing and more and more time settled on her throne.  A dark cloud began to hang over her head and our Princess began to grow – in all the WRONG directions!

Now, the Princess had once had a father that she loved very much.  This wonderful King died at an early age, leaving the Princess and her family bereft of his presence.  Alas, he was never able to meet his wonderful grandchildren.  The Princess thought about this and one day it occurred to her that she was almost the same age the King had been when he died.  The Princess did not want the same thing to happen to her!  She became quite frantic – she ran to the mirror to see if she looked ill!

When the Princess gazed into the mirror, instead of seeing her quite rounded figure, she gazed instead upon a horrible ugly Dragon!  Shocked and terrified, the Princess looked behind her, but she was alone.  It was then she realized that in her neglect of herself and her self hatred, she had turned herself into the petrifying beast that stared back at her.

What you need to know about our Princess is that she was very determined and incredibly stubborn and if she set her mind to it, she always accomplished what ever task she started.  Standing there staring at the Dragon, our Princess decided that it had to go!  She marched out and told her loving husband and son what she had seen and what she wanted to do.

These two brave men, professed their love for her and committed themselves to help her and do whatever she needed done to obtain her goal.  They offered to do it for her.  But our Princess knew, like all smart Princesses, that there comes a time when a Princess must rescue herself!

That day their entire lives changed.  They ate different food, the Princess began to walk and play, and very, very soon, she began to shrink, the dragon began to disappear.
But Dragons are evil tricksters and as our Princess was walking joyfully through her new meadow she came upon a large sign that said DTOUR and pointed up a large hill.  The hill looked difficult to climb and the Princess was growing tired, her new lifestyle was beginning to sparkle a little less and the playing and walking was not as much fun.  The Princess looked around to see if she could find another route.

Behind her stood the Dragon, smiling an evil smile.  “Princess, my name is Couch Potato, and I miss you very much.  Stop this nonsense and come back to me!  You can not possibly win this battle or make it up this hill, it is far too steep.  Come back and I will offer you comfort.”  Feeling weak, the Princess hung her head. 

At that moment, the Prince and her son stepped between her and the Dragon, each brandishing a bright sword.  “We can not fight the battle for you, my love.”  The Prince said.  “But we can give you our support and love.  Go, start your climb and know that we are here to help hold the Dragon at bay.”

How does the tale end?  We don’t know.  It is a fairy tale in progress.  On Sunday May 16th, our brave Princess will attempt to summit the hill by participating in her first 5K;  Details to follow.

To be continued . . .

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

I may have really lost my mind now!

My Grandmother always said I was flighty, my Debate Coach used to say I was a loose cannon.  My Mom used to say I was impulsive and my Dad would just shake his head as his face turned red and the vein in his forehead throbbed.

I prefer the word Spontaneous!  I've always thought I was free and open to new things.  My husband thinks I have SOS (Shiny Object Syndrome).  You know "Yes honey, I intend to pay the . . . .Oh look, a butterfly!"  Shiny Object Syndrome.

A major part of the Dtour program is exercise.  As you can suppose, from my weight, I have been a confirmed couch potato for quite a few years.  The exercise seems to be my current problem issue.  Now, any of you that know me, also know, I rarely let things stop me for long;  I have a plan!  (Hey, why is everyone running away?)
The way I have it figured, all I need is a goal, right?  I can do a goal.  Needing to lose an entire person is a lot, so I'm thinking the exercise goal needs to be equally as large, right?  Ready? . . . 

I'm going to enter a 5K - I'm going to get in shape and run or walk a 5K!  Ideally before the end of the year.  How long does it take to train from couch potato to 5K?  How far is a 5K? We'll figure the details out later!

So that's the plan!  What do you think?  Anyone know anything about training for one of these things?  I suppose I'll have to figure out how far it is first, then I'll need to figure out. . . .details later!
Watch out world - I'm going to skinny, fabulous and FAST!!!!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

A Miracle!!

Have you every had a day when you feel like you were drowning?  You know, you wake up in the morning, step into the shower and immediately think you are circling the drain with the soap suds?

No hot water this morning (thank you hormonal teenage son!), there was a coffee spill in the kitchen (a nightmare of epic proportions!), blood sugar was all over the place, and there was nothing that really went together properly for lunch. Has anyone else noticed I have not even made it out the door for work yet??  Yeah, it was an omen, the whole day was sort of that way.  Every step forward was three back and I still don't know what I got accomplished at work.  *Sigh*  We've all had days like that.

So here I sat this evening, trying to think of what I wanted to say tonight and thinking that I was so overwhelmed that there was nothing I had to say.  Hormonal son asked if I craved chocolate or sweets while my day was falling around my ears.
It was like the clouds parted and the sun came out!  Chocolate never crossed my mind!!  Can you believe it?  I think I must be ill!  I don't think that has ever happened in my entire life!  I didn't want chocolate!  I didn't want something sweet!!  I didn't want Ice cream!!!  I suddenly feel like jumping up and down and cheering!  

I hadn't given food a thought all day long!  What has always been my go to stress relief  NEVER crossed my mind today!  Not once!!   Can anyone else sense the near hysterical joyous laughter here?

Is this what mind over matter is? If so, this is really cool.  I can not believe that I hadn't noticed it before.  What a blessing that I have such an observant son that he could see that.  The next words out of his mouth were "I'm proud of you, Mom.  I really am."  Hm mm . . .  I may have to drop the hormonal from his title soon.

I am loving my new life!  Thank you Dtour and thank you all for your support!!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Will Power and the lack thereof!

Did you ever have a day where you just wanted to run around the house, open all the cupboards and eat everything in them?  I actually considered it today.  It sounded like a fabulous idea!  I almost made it to the kitchen when I remembered that there was not "contraband" food in the house.  Somehow, ripping into a box of Wasa crackers and sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor to eat them just didn't have the same sparkle as it would if it were a package of  chocolate wafer cookies!

I knew this point was coming, the cravings. This was no small craving either it was the mother of all CRAVINGS!  I wanted chocolate!  I wanted cake!  Heck, I was considering munching on the floor boards for a minute there.

Then, on my way to the kitchen, I passed the dining table on which sat my pink Dtour Diet book.  I stopped, took a deep breath and snapped myself out of whatever weird place I had gone to.  I am stronger than this!  I can do this!  I have got to stop talking out loud to myself at home!

Wouldn't it be nice if we could wear will power like a suit?  We could take it on and off at will?  We could slip it on and then never have to worry that our heads and stomachs would betray us at inopportune moments?  We could put our own "super-suits" on and never have to worry about walking past a bakery, driving past an ice cream stand, or standing in line next to the pastry case at Starbucks.  We could focus on what we were supposed to eat and when to fit the exercise in and not have to battle ourselves when the urge rises to nibble on the stair-banister.

Maybe if I focus on a goal . . . other than ridding myself of Myron.  Last night I announced to my boys that if I lost and entire person, I thought there should be an equally large reward.  A Ford Shelby GT Mustang seems appropriate to me!  So next time I get a craving, I picture myself  driving a Shelby!  Yeah, I like this.  This will be my will power enforcer - who needs photos of  anorexic supermodels - I need to find a photo of a Shelby on the fridge, and the cabinets, and heck, maybe the floorboards, just to be safe.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Weigh in Day!!

It's Sunday!  You know what that means; weigh in day.  Here are the results:

Husband:  -2 lbs. (he's beginning to look like a refugee from a supermodel work camp)
Hormonal teenage son:  -2 lbs - and he has sworn off regular soda (YEA!!!)
Me:  -5 - can you believe it? 5 lbs!!  In addition we are up to 4" off my waist!
That mean Myron is approximately 12 lbs and 4"!!  

I have never felt such a sense of accomplishment in my life!  I am so proud of myself!  (Which by the way is another first in my life.)  This is really working and I can do this!!

There are some things I miss.  I passed the Ice Cream Stand yesterday.  No one has had the decency to blow it up yet!  I swear I heard the soft serve machine whispering to me all night last night.  Good thing, the cat was snoring on the pillow above my husband's head, that sort of drowned it out.  Whatever works, right?
Then there is chocolate, my very first love.  I miss chocolate.  I pine for chocolate.  I'm tired of wearing chocolate on my hips and butt!  I may never stop craving chocolate, but I can try to change how I think about it!

Did I mention that I love ice cream . . . .

Saturday, March 13, 2010


Why is is that nothing in life is ever as simple as you think it is?  You think you are doing something simple, losing weight.  Pretty straight forward, right?  Wrong - I'm actually beginning to think that losing weight is less about  the food that I am eating and more about Myron.  Who is Myron, you ask.  Remember that little demon I was talking about a couple of days ago?  I've decided to name him Myron.  He looks like a Myron, don't ya think?
My point is, that this process of walking through the Dtour diet, which is so amazing I can not believe it, has sort of forced me to evaluate why I was doing what I was doing?  How did I gain an entire other person?  What sort of idiot does that?

The kind of idiot who seems to spend her time "keeping the peace" .  My job, I've always thought, was to keep the peace.  I compromise, apologize and generally do whatever is necessary to maintain some sort of tranquility.  I never realized that the cost of tranquility was . . . Myron.

My new mission- destroy Myron - get in shape - support my friends who are supporting my effort in this endeavor - and find a new way to deal with STRESS!!!!!!! 

Friday, March 12, 2010

Burritos and a scary return to "Normal"

One of the thing that I love about the Dtour Diet is that such time and care was taken to explain the whys and hows behind it, that as you are gradulally learn how to change some of the "old" food that you used to eat.  I LOVE THAT!!  Family favorites are not to be abandoned, they are simply "adjusted".

Friday night is Burrito night in our household.  All of our friends and family know that if you want a burrito, call the house, let us know what ingredient you are bringing and your custom made burrito will be made to order.  I know, it's an odd thing, but when you marry someone from Southern California, what are you going to do?
Tonight, I adjusted the size, made a couple of minor adjustments to some of the ingredients (no one even noticed!) and WA-LA!  The return of Burrito Night!  All is right again with the world.  No one even noticed the reduced sizes of the burritos on the plates.  I was so nervous when I started making them, but the boys were so excited to see their favorite meal again, there was really nothing to worry about.

Today is a confidant day.  Today I can do this!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Losing stress and half a person.

Have you ever seen those charts that have height and weight ratios on them?  Seriously, who wrote those things?  Some sadist who runs a work-farm for supermodels?  As I was doing research last night, I ran across a few of those.  They are scary!

This morning as I was in the shower, I got to thinking about those charts and how much weight I really have to lose.  Here I am all excited about 3 pounds last week and I have more than 100 to lose.  I have to lose a whole person!  When did I become 2 people??

I have been going to physical therapy for a problem I have been having with my right arm for the last year and a half.  Tuesday, at therapy, I was told that I hold all my stress and tension in my neck and shoulders.  Funny, I thought I ate all my stress in the form of cake, chocolate and any other sweet I could find.

So, now I have this mental picture of an invisible pissed off person running around loose somewhere.  This person would be a little invisible demon who represents all the anger, frustration and stress I have shoved down my throat over the years.  Why is he invisible you ask?  Well, do you know where fat goes when you lose it off your body? It just sort of disappears.  Thus our little raging, frustrated demon is born.  What do you think we should name him?

Maybe a new motivation for me is to see how big I can make this raging little stress ball of a demon.  (Yeah, he needs a name.)  Maybe it isn't just fat, sticks of butter and roasts that I am attempting to rid myself of;  I'm also shedding years and years of weighty (pardon the pun) stress and anger.  This is a whole new outlook!!

Who cares about an ice cream stand, I have a pissed off invisible demon to shed!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Let's check the research . . .

So, hormonal 15 year old, in a valiant effort to help me out, informs me that it will take 1 month for me to stop craving the foods I used to love and begin craving the new foods I'm eating.  Really?  Let's think this through.  Raise your hand if you think that any woman over 40 who has had an ongoing love affair with chocolate and ice cream for that length of time will suddenly stop craving them and begin craving carrots and pine nuts!  Yeah, that is pretty much a sucker bet.

Not wanting to believe that my wonderful son would lie to me, even in the name of trying to help me.  I went to WebMD to check it out.  What do you know.  Here is one of the things it said."At the end of three weeks, your tastes will have changed," he says. "You won't want the food as much anymore."  Now, this was clearly written by a man who has never liked chocolate and has never had a bone-deep desire for a hot-fudge sundae.  Who do these people think they are conning?

I'm beginning to think that chocolate, bread and sweets are to me like happy hour is to an alcoholic; or a black jack table is to a gambler.  Is there a 12 step program for chocoholics?  I mean seriously, what do we do, go a meeting, sign in and say Hi, my name is Katie and I'm addicted to chocolate?"  9 out of 10 females in the room will look at me and say:  "And your point is...?"

Last week this was easy.  I was having fun eating the food, the boys were supportive, I had a new pair of walking shoes, things were great!  What changed?

The ice cream store opened - damn them!  Maybe I can convince myself that ice cream is the root of all evil and people who hock the ice cream are demons out to sabotage all of us unsuspecting ice cream addicts!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010


The queen mother of all roadblocks just slammed right into my face!  There I was, driving innocently down the road, minding my own business, when BAM!  Out of the blue, there it was.  In huge letters that might as well have been flashing neon - We are Open! - Why oh why did the damn ice cream stand have to open this early in the year?!  Why did the ice cream stand have to open at all this year?  Why didn't the ice cream stand get blown up during the winter?   Why is there ice cream?  Why is there milk?  For that matter, why are there cows?  They are big, stupid, smelly, and they eat a lot!

Okay, sorry, I digress.  Did I mention I love ice cream?  Yeah, I thought I might have a time or two.  A soft serve twist dipped in chocolate is just about one of the best things on earth!  Damn the ice cream industry!  Who invented ice cream? Is he still alive?  Can we have him shot?

Oops, digressing again.  I got home and told the hormonal 15 year old that the ice cream parlor had opened.  His reply was "Yeah, Dad and I were hoping to keep that from you for another week or so."  You know a proper show of support would have been a few sticks of TNT!

Trying to help me think a different way, my charming son asked "Would you rather live 15 years or have an ice cream cone?"  He had the nerve to get upset that I had to think about that?  I was just giving the question proper consideration.

So now the question he is going to ask me is "Grandchildren or Ice cream."  It is rather a low blow, but it does get the point across.  The correct answer to that question is Grandchildren, right?

Did I mention that I love ice cream . . .

Monday, March 8, 2010

Total Transformation and a Roast

After the 2 week Fast Start, you start the Total Transformation part of the Dtour diet.  Doesn't that sound awesome.  Total Transformation.  Isn't that really what this is all about?  Totally Transforming your life?  I have discovered  in the last couple of weeks that this adventure is about so much more than just about food.  It' s about what is important in life, what really matters.  It's about feeling better and conquering Diabetes.  Two weeks ago I was overwhelmed by the looming monster that was Diabetes and thought for sure I was beaten.  Now I'm feeling empowered and more thank ready to slay the monster.

I was so excited and proud of myself for the weight and inches lost last week, that I called my sister-in-law, who is also a very dear friend.  When I relayed the news to her her response was.  "Oh my gosh Katie, you lost a roast!"  I thought about it for a second or two and started laughing, only my darling sister could come up with such a wonderful analogy!  It was so perfect!  I smiled all day thinking about the roast that I lost!  I mean, come on, who needs to mentally picture sticks of butter when you can picture a 2" thick 3lb roast!  It's wonderful and makes we want to laugh with glee every time I think about it!

Sunday, March 7, 2010

If it's Sunday, it must be Weigh in Day

This morning was scale time.  New rule in the household.  Before you come downstairs on Sunday morning, you get on the scale.  Here are the results:

Me:  -3 lbs and 2 yes folks 2 inches off my waist!!!
Hormonal 15 year old - stayed the same
Wonderful loving husband - 4 lbs (sometimes I hate men!!)

I don't think I have been so proud of myself in a long time.  No wonder my pants were baggy!  I have never been on a diet where I have actually had fun.  And it's not just me.  The whole family is having a good time!
Dtour Rocks!!!

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Working out with Bob and Leroy

So, this Dtour diet is so awesome that they even help you out with the exercise.  Part of the online program included a DVD with 3 different workouts.  One is a Cardio Walk, one is a workout designed to kick your metabolism in to high gear, and the third is designed to flatten your stomach - without doing crunches - ROCK ON!!!

Anyway, today while the guys were on grocery duty, I thought I'd try the DVD out.  It's actually really fun!  So, I'm doing the cardio walk thing and I looked down and there, sitting in front of me are Bob and Leroy, the family cats.  Their heads were cocked to the side and I swear, they were looking at me like I was nuts!  

Then, they had the nerve to look at each other!  If cats could talk the conversation would have gone something like this: "What is she doing?"
"I'm not sure, is she having a seizure?"
"I don't think so."
"She looks pretty stupid though."
"Yeah, but if you tell her, she won't feed you any treats."
"True, maybe we should just look interested."
Don't you hate it when animals make you feel crazy?

Feline tormentors aside, I made it through the workout and actually enjoyed it!  I'm feeling really good at the moment and am actually looking forward to getting on the scale tomorrow.  How weird is that?

Friday, March 5, 2010


You always hear that change is hard; change is difficult.  Why?  I've always thought change was exciting!  Change is a new adventure!

I was thinking about that today as my son and I were together this afternoon.  He had a half day at school, so we were both home at lunch time.   I had checked my menu for the day and was set to put together my "approved" meal.  Luke (name changed to protect his identity), was about to make his favorite of all meals - a panini sandwich.  I watched as he put it together, lean ham, turkey, provalone cheese and whole wheat bread.  There was not a blink or a hesitation, he went right for the healthy choices in the fridge.  Change is good!

This adventure, this change is not just me.  It is transforming my entire family!  We are all affected.  All three of us have more energy, there is more laughter in the house, our moods have improved greatly.  We are all losing weight, including my mom, who eats at our house quite a lot.

Who would have thought, when I made this jump, this leap into a new lifestyle, that it would transform not only me, but my boys, my mom, and our whole family?  This is the most intriguing Dtour I have ever taken!

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Baggy Pants

As I was getting dressed this morning, I noticed that my slacks were easier to fasten than they had been the last time I had worn them.  Hmmm . . .could it be?? . . .Don't be silly, I told myself, you've only been doing this two weeks!

Then I got to work and two different people made comments about the fact that my slacks looked "baggy".  That was the exact word - baggy - can you believe it?  Neither could I!  Then I found myself having to pull them up all day long.  I may have to buy a belt!  This new lifestyle ROCKS!!!!!!

Then I got home and what did we have for dinner?  Shrimp salad!  Life is good!

I thought this was going to be hard.  Some of it is.  Then there are days like today, a payoff day!  Who could possibly need a scale when I have BAGGY PANTS!!!!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Shoes, Salad, and Pain

Another hurdle down today.  The dreaded restaurant.  (dum dum dum)  One of the things that I love about the Dtour diet is that everything is pretty much done.  I review the menus for the week.  Print out the shopping list and bazinga!  We're done!  I don't have to make many choices yet, I just have to learn to adjust to my new lifestyle.

Today at lunchtime, I found myself standing in front of a menu board at a Panera.  Guess what; Panera does not have a Dtour Diet section on their menu.  I know, I found it hard to believe too!  I thought the whole world revolved around me! (Oh wait, that's the hormonal 15 year old).

I took a deep breath and looked at my lunch partner, my mom.  Bless her heart, she put her hand on my shoulder and asked me what I wanted.  We ended up splitting a salmon salad.  It was the perfect amount once it was split and it had all the components that one of my Dtour lunches does.  I was quite proud of myself, and very grateful that I had a supportive person by my side to make sure I didn't make a grab for a chocolate croissant.

Then the adventure continued.  We went to the shoe store.  New shoes are to my mom like ice cream is to me.  Mom got herself a new pair of walking shoes.  Then she purchased a pair for me!  How awesome is that!  I've never had a good pair of walking shoes.  It's like walking on a mattress!  What an amazing way to show support!  Gotta love moms!

After that, the shoes had to be tested, right?  So, off to the indoor track.  Yep, I went without the normal kicking and screaming - weird, huh?  So there I was, making my rounds, I got to the point where my legs were aching and I began to think about stopping.  Then a man passed me, on the back of his t-shirt was written the words:  Pain is Weakness Leaving the Body.  I took a deep breath and made four more laps.

All in all a pretty amazing day for this Dtour girl!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Writing this blog is very enlightening.  I have discovered many things about myself that I did not realize before.  Tonight as I was pondering what to write something else dawned on me.  I probably should have realized this many many years ago, but sometimes, I'm not the quickest pony out of the gate.

Here is the epiphany.  In order for this to work, I have to change not only my eating and exercise habits.  I have to change my entire life!  I have to change the way that I think!  I have to change the way that I react to things!  I have to totally tear myself down and build a new Katie.  Stronger, better, faster?  (Can I have a bionic ear?  I always thought that would be cool!)

I've spent a long time getting where I am. I was almost comfortable in my own skin.  I don't know if I have the energy to build a new me.  What if I don't like me?  What if I turn into one of those perky cheerleader types with the bouncy ponytail who are always out jogging?  The very thought makes me ill!

I guess if we are always a work in progress . . . . . I don't know if I have the energy for this!!!


Monday, March 1, 2010

Monday . . . Monday . . .

So just to be perverse this morning I got on the scale. (I know, it breaks the once a week rule, sue me.)  Guess what, there was another pound gone.  Now, why couldn't that pound have been gone yesterday when I needed it gone?  Someone is messing with me.  I'm telling you, I'm joke fodder for the angelic crowd!

That was followed by one of 'those' days at work.  You know, one of those days where every step forward means three backward, the copy machine is perpetually jammed, and everyone is on the phone screaming.  

Even two weeks ago, this sort of day would have sent me straight for the freezer and the carton of ice cream it contained.  Failing ice cream, the grocery store was sure to have a full store of chocolate or cake guaranteed to help make the evening better.

Today, the thought didn't even cross my mind.  I was thinking about what to write here today and what was on the menu for dinner, but until I sat down to type, chocolate didn't cross my mind.  Maybe there is component of this new plan that is a secret brainwashing!

Whatever it is, it's working and I made it through my first rough workday without my usual crutch.  That is a big step for me!