Getting Schooled by the Boy

Yesterday during 'The Great Attack', in an attempt to help me out, The Boy did a little research on chocolate.  Being the budding Scientist/Mathematician that he is, I received lots of chemistry and lofty explanations.  However, some of the things he told me were pretty cool!  Here is the most interesting example he found:

From www.allchocolate.com

Phenylethylamanie (PEA) - This compound may be responsible for some of the pleasurable feelings you get after eating chocolate because it releases natural feel-good chemicals called endorphins in your brain. PEA is released by the brain when people are falling in love. Perhaps this explains why chocolate and Valentines Day are so closely linked.

Okay, so now we understand why there are significantly more chocoholic women than men.  Women love the warm fuzzy, let's cuddle and talk part of falling in love.  Not to say that men don't, but in general, men are not as verbal about that topic as women.

It also explains why giving up chocolate is so difficult.  We can actually be addicted to it.  Seriously!  I thought it was a myth!  Who would have thought?

You know something, All day today I found myself thinking about yesterday, about how difficult it was and how much I wanted to break my plan.  I was willing to set my new goal aside for a freaking candy bar!  What is that?  Who does that?  Why would I work as hard as I have and throw it all away for something that would be devoured in 30 seconds and on my butt the next day!

All of my life I have felt like a loser, I have felt less than everyone around me.  I look at others who have no issues with weight and then I would look in the mirror and shake my head in disgust.  After awhile, it was easier to just not look in the mirror.  If I didn't look, I could pretend it wasn't really there and I wasn't slowly killing myself with food.

But this morning I woke up and to prove a point to myself  I stepped on the scale (I know, I broke my rule), I was down another 2 pounds.  I turned around and spotted myself in the mirror.  Instead of turning my head in disgust, I found myself grinning!  I could tell that I was thinner!  I could actually see it!

Yesterday was hard, I'm sure there will be more hard days ahead.  I know now that I don't have to do it by myself, my boys, my family, and my friends will be there for me.  But more imporantly, I will be there for me.  I'm learning that I am important to me too, I have to prove to myself that I can do this for me!

This journey is about a lot more than losing weight . . .