Please forgive me . . .

You all know that I committed at the beginning of this venture to be square and honest about this journey; which means talking about the bad along with the good.  I try to keep it upbeat as best I can.  This is not one of those posts.

I have been feeling "off" the last couple of months.  I've been sleeping more during the day, and have become a bit of a space cadet.  My sugar levels have been doing weird things as well.  Simply put, my glucose levels are bouncing up and down faster than the Dow Jones Index!

Not to be defeated, I took myself off to the Doctor's office today.  I was well armed with all of my meter readings and my food journal and anything else that I could think of.  (Have I mentioned I LOVE research and reports?  Yes, I realize that is a sick thing, but what are you going to do?)

First things first - the scale.  Somehow, between Sunday and today (2 Days) I gained 6 pounds!!  But wait, it gets weirder!  With all the ups and downs in my glucose, my doctor did an A1C check. (The A1C is a blood test that gives your average blood glucose for the last three months.  The higher the number the worse your glucose levels are.  Since I began this journey I have reduced by A1C from 7.6 to 5.6.)  My A1C today was 5.4!  Which told us that I was doing a better job of maintaining my blood sugar than I was three months ago!

I couldn't take it any more, I burst into tears.  Yes, I know it was a positive thing, but I was so confused I couldn't make sense of anything!

We did a blood test and my doctor is reviewing the information that I brought to her.  She kept telling me not to be discouraged, but I was so frustrated I had no idea what to do.

I reminded her that I was going back to school to be a Dietitian.  My Doctor said that she remembered and she is really happy for me.  My response?  "No one is going to listen to a fat Dietitian!"  (I think she wanted to laugh at that point.  She didn't, bless her heart!)

I have calmed down a bit and am now cozied up in my little corner surrounded by my Diabetes books.  While we wait for the blood work, I am going into research mode!

I am discouraged, I'll admit it.  Living with Diabetes can be frustrating.  Trying to lose weight, maintaining good blood sugar levels on top of that seems impossible sometimes.

Nothing is impossible!  It just means that I have to remind my body who is in charge here!  I am in charge and I will figure this out!  I just have to remember to not panic and get easily frustrated.

This is the type of day that makes me glad I have a wonderful support system! 

What is going on?

Sometimes I feel like heaven's little entertainment center.  No, seriously.  I think all those folks up in heaven, get bored and say: "Hey!  Things are slow, let's throw something weird at Katie and see what she does with it!"

Don't you ever feel like that?  There you are going along living your life and BAM! along comes something so weird you don't even know what to think, much less do about it.

I've been feeling 'off' lately.  I'm still eating properly, and doing everything else I'm supposed to do.  My weight loss has significantly slowed down and my blood sugar is bouncing around like a super ball.

Tomorrow I have an appointment to see my doctor so hopefully, she can provide me with some sort of answer.

It is sooooo not fair that things go wonky when I have actually been a good and dutiful Person with Diabetes. 

It's a good thing I have a good sense of humor.  If I didn't I might start taking "someone's" name in vain!

Torture

The true meaning of torture:  Making it through the holidays while maintaining or (hopefully) losing weight.

Seriously, has anyone ever really  been able to resist their old family favorites?  Let's face it, the rest of the world is not going to stop making the wonderful goodies of the holiday's just because you aren't able to indulge.  (I realize that we all think we are the center of the universe, unfortunately that is not true!)

Come on, who needs water-boarding when you can just waive amazing Christmas cookies under someones nose and then set the plate in front of them!

Why am I on this bizarre little rant?  Today is Sunday.  If it's Sunday, it must be weigh in day!  I actually think I did pretty well.  I am a 1/2 lb. down.  Not fabulous; but not horrible either.  Let's face it, if it were any other time of year, I'd be having a little "Beat on Katie" party.  But, as it is the weekend after Thanksgiving, I am going to give myself points for not gaining 5 lbs on Thursday alone!

So, how do we do it?  Is it even possible to maintain or lose from the fourth Thursday of November to January 2nd?  Yeah, I know, all the weight loss sites are extolling the virtues of staying on their plans through the holidays.

There are all those little tips and tricks that everyone says will help.  I even read a article on CNN this morning on 'healthy mall food' (isn't that a crock!)

I made it through the first one okay.  Perhaps what I will have to do is picture Myron and Couch Potato behind every plate of cookies and dish of pretty candy.

Will power.  That is the only thing that is going to work, sheer willpower.  Do I have enough?  Does anyone?

We are about to find out!  Bring on the holidays!

Perspective, it's all in how you look at things

Yesterday was a good day!  Family all around, lots of laughter and fun.  The food was amazing, if I do say so myself, and there was plenty for all.

I find myself amused at some of my family members.  Around noon, when the family from up north joined us, on of my favorite people asked.  "Are you guys still on your strict diet?"  I chose not to answer, but hubby jumped in with a quick, "For the most part."

Part of me wanted to laugh.  Strict diet?  Well, okay, I guess you could call it that.  Personally I view it as a way to live.  You can't shake Diabetes like you can 10 pounds.  I guess it's all in how you look at things.

If I chose to look at our new lifestyle as a strict diet, then, from my perspective, I am doomed to failure. No one can maintain and eating plan if they perceive it as strict; that makes you think only of what you can not eat.

I am trying to think of our new eating plan as a fun and interesting challenge.  Can I really make it through the grocery store and avoid the cookie isle?  Is it possible to make food taste amazing without salt and a ton of sugar?  Since I don't like cooked veggies, how many different ways can I find to prepare them so I don't get bored?

Viewed this way, I am challenged every day to come up with something new and flavorful.  I don't need sugar and salt when I have an entire cadre of spices and herbs to use.  Come on, why salt your food when you can add the zing of ground mustard and dill to your morning eggs, or flavor the Thanksgiving turkey with lemon, oranges and sage?  For extra fun, you can slip a mixture of dried cherries and cranberries under the skin so that tangy flavor sinks deep into the meat.  

I'm telling you, it was the best turkey I have ever made, and no part of it was at all dry.  My mom found a new recipe to replace pumpkin pie, and I found that way more tasty than carb loaded pie crust!

Strict diet?  I guess you could view it that way, if you wanted to torture yourself by thinking about all the things you can't have.

Much more fun and interesting, however, to view the process as a challenging journey.  I can not maintain a strict diet all of my life and not cheat.  I can  look forward everyday to discovering new and interesting things to eat.

It's all a matter of perspective.

My favorite day

Thanksgiving has always been one of my most favorite days of the year!  As you know, I love to cook.  I mean I really LOVE TO COOK!  It's even better when I get to make a huge, special meal for my family.  Everyone sits around the table eats themselves stupid, laugh, talk and really enjoy each other.

It's even better when the whole family is together, it's cold outside and everything inside is warm, cozy, and the house smells like love and roasting turkey, or ham, or a roast, or whichever protein is heading up the meal.

This year is going to be different.  I'm still making the turkey, the wonderful 'little' thing is enjoying it's lemon and orange brine bath as we speak.  But the turkey may be about the only thing that remains from the holiday meals of old.

I have been combing though the diabetic websites and my cookbooks to come up with tasty 'substitutions' for our old standbys.  Regular mashed potatoes that have about a bazillion carbs per serving are being replaced by Three Cheese Whipped Potatoes (brought to you by Diabeticlivingonline.com).  Light fluffy mashed potatoes with ricotta cheese, cottage cheese and Gorgonzola cheese mixed in, for only one carb serving!  Doesn't that sound soooo much better than regular old mashed potatoes?  I thought so too!

The turkey is going to be especially tasty with lots of lemon and garlic and sage!  I get warm fuzzy feelings in my tummy just thinking about it!!

Can I manage to stay on plan and still pull off a spectacular holiday meal?  I think so, I just have to be really creative!  I can do that!

We don't need sugar to make a wonderful meal, all I need is love. . . and I have plenty of that!!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!

Not an option

The other day, my mother asked me if I was giving up on my quest.  She had been reading my last few blogs and was worried that I was quitting.

I don't quit. I can't quit.  Failure is not an option.

I have been talking to a lot of people lately and have been reading as much as I can on motivating yourself through a difficult time.

Here is what I have learned:

1. There comes a point in every journey where it isn't fun anymore and the difficulty increases.
2. When your will is weak, you have to become strong. 
3. Going off your plan will screw with you . . . bad!

Okay, the last one is mine, but it is so true.  It has become hard, and frustrating.  I knew this test would come, and while I have always tested badly, I still have every intention to ace this one!

Here is my personal goal for the week.  I intend to lose weight this week.  Yes, turkey day and all.

If I can do that, I can do anything!  I intend to succeed!  That climbing wall is still there, waiting for me!

In an effort to maintain a good attitude, there was no weigh in today.  I was afraid that if I got onto the scale, the pity party would begin again.  As no one, especially me, wants to go there one more time, the weigh in was canceled.

I have a new game plan, menu ready and have a plan for Thanksgiving.  All systems are go, I just hope I am as well!