I have been watching this really interesting show called Ruby. I know I have mentioned this before, but I really identify with this woman. I see my struggle in her story and it . . . . reassures me (I guess), to know that i am not the only one on this path.
With Netflix, I have been able to follow her venture from the beginning to where she is now. (4 seasons to date) What I am seeing is so familiar to what I have experienced. It's not about the weight. The first couple of seasons have been focusing on the 'mechanics' of weight loss, the diet, the doctor's, the trainers.
However, as the season's progress you see a subtle shift in the show. By season three and four it is less about the mechanics and more about Ruby's struggle to understand the underlying reasons that caused the weight gain in the first place. For this wonderful woman, it's about what happened to her in her childhood. She doesn't remember her childhood at all. Obviously something traumatic happened, but she does not know what.
I have found the same thing. It is less about the weight and more about what was the cause of the weight gain. I have discovered that I am my own worst enemy. I have always had a self-esteem issue. I am really not sure why. It didn't come from my parents, or my family.
My parents and my brother loved and adored me. (Okay, big brother did not adore pesky little sister, but you get the idea!) I was the one who never felt like I lived up to self-imposed expectations. No one ever called me stupid, but that was the way I have always felt. The stupid person in a family of very smart people.
As a matter of fact, I remember mom and dad going to great lengths to let me know how smart I really was. For example, I remember being told that I was far too smart to have done such a stupid thing. Or, my personal favorite: "Katie you are an intelligent young lady. Your actions, however, were less than well thought out!"
Yet, somehow through all of that, I thought I was stupid, nasty, and completely without talent.
I'm working on that. I know school has helped me, but also with with every pound that comes off, I feel more and more empowered.
This journey is about losing the weight. But ultimately it's about so much more. It's about discovering why the weight came on in the first place.
That fight is so much more difficult, and so much more important!
However, as the season's progress you see a subtle shift in the show. By season three and four it is less about the mechanics and more about Ruby's struggle to understand the underlying reasons that caused the weight gain in the first place. For this wonderful woman, it's about what happened to her in her childhood. She doesn't remember her childhood at all. Obviously something traumatic happened, but she does not know what.
I have found the same thing. It is less about the weight and more about what was the cause of the weight gain. I have discovered that I am my own worst enemy. I have always had a self-esteem issue. I am really not sure why. It didn't come from my parents, or my family.
My parents and my brother loved and adored me. (Okay, big brother did not adore pesky little sister, but you get the idea!) I was the one who never felt like I lived up to self-imposed expectations. No one ever called me stupid, but that was the way I have always felt. The stupid person in a family of very smart people.
As a matter of fact, I remember mom and dad going to great lengths to let me know how smart I really was. For example, I remember being told that I was far too smart to have done such a stupid thing. Or, my personal favorite: "Katie you are an intelligent young lady. Your actions, however, were less than well thought out!"
Yet, somehow through all of that, I thought I was stupid, nasty, and completely without talent.
I'm working on that. I know school has helped me, but also with with every pound that comes off, I feel more and more empowered.
This journey is about losing the weight. But ultimately it's about so much more. It's about discovering why the weight came on in the first place.
That fight is so much more difficult, and so much more important!
Here's a thought...
ReplyDeleteRead Matthew 6:25-34. Good thoughts on worrying.
Just thinking, I've done some pretty stupid things in my life too (TK, etc.). Look at it this way, how do you explain Logan being the way he is if you are so inept? The genes come from both sides y'know.
Love,
Mark
okay..t.v. date to watch Ruby if you are still being held captive?? ~a
ReplyDelete