So, in typical Katie fashion, I did something I consider very brave today. Then immediately began to have second thoughts and start to backtrack. I didn't back very far, though; which I am considering a major victory.
I actually am moving forward with my thought about finishing my college education. I applied for financial aid online, and today I actually started to apply to a college. Yea! Major leap forward for me, right?
So why did I immediately get scared and become convinced that I was not going to get in? Myron. Myron is the answer.
I have finally figured out who Myron really is. Myron is all of my insecurities and fears that I have buried (eaten) all of my life. He rears his frustrating little head whenever I am feeling down, insecure, or unsure of what I am doing.
Luckily, we are seeing Myron less and less often now. Which I think is a good thing. He is really annoying!
So, I applied to school today. That was step one. We will see what happens from here.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Set Back Blues
This is one of those times I wished I could play guitar and sing well. Then I could sing my new song for all of you. It's called the Set Back Blues.
Today is, of course, Sunday. Here are the results:
Today is the beginning of a new week. That stupid pound belongs to last week. I can make it go away again, I know how. I am not going to sweat it. Wait, maybe that is exactly what I am going to do with it. I'll sweat it out! A couple of good walks and a bit of other exercise and that stupid pound will be gone and take along a friend. Heck, it might as well take five, I won't miss them!
This week, I think I'm going to be Miss Positive. No, I'm not going to become a cheerleader, I'm just going to try to be a little more positive about all aspects of my live this week. I'm going to look forward to exercising (ha ha, that's really funny!). I'll try to get up early and make sure that I have my lunch all packed before I get ready for work (and I'll actually remember to take it with me when I walk out the door). This week, bedtime will be before 11:00PM every night, and I'm going to be pleasant and think BEFORE I speak all week long.
That won't be so hard . . . right?
Today is, of course, Sunday. Here are the results:
Wonderful Hubby: +0.5 lbsNow for the song part. A few months ago, I would have spent the rest of the entry moaning about everything I did wrong during the week. I would have analyzed every bit of food that passed my lips. Wow! How sad is that?
Amazing Boy: -3 lbs (See what Band Camp does!)
Me: +1 lb - I'm putting it down to the weird week of eating off schedule.
Today is the beginning of a new week. That stupid pound belongs to last week. I can make it go away again, I know how. I am not going to sweat it. Wait, maybe that is exactly what I am going to do with it. I'll sweat it out! A couple of good walks and a bit of other exercise and that stupid pound will be gone and take along a friend. Heck, it might as well take five, I won't miss them!
This week, I think I'm going to be Miss Positive. No, I'm not going to become a cheerleader, I'm just going to try to be a little more positive about all aspects of my live this week. I'm going to look forward to exercising (ha ha, that's really funny!). I'll try to get up early and make sure that I have my lunch all packed before I get ready for work (and I'll actually remember to take it with me when I walk out the door). This week, bedtime will be before 11:00PM every night, and I'm going to be pleasant and think BEFORE I speak all week long.
That won't be so hard . . . right?
Saturday, August 7, 2010
The Hardest Part
Chocolate cravings are difficult, abstaining from caffeine is hard (especially in the morning), and doing without my favorite carbs is horrible. But none of that compares to the most difficult part of this journey.
No, I'm not talking about exercise, although it's still not my favorite. I'm thinking more along the line of learning to like myself. This has become the most difficult and arduous part of this whole process.
I have a wonderful, loving husband, and an amazing son; so I must be an okay person for them to put up with me. I can't be all that bad.
I am getting there, I'm proud of myself for the strides I've made and I am looking into going back to school (so I must think I deserve that). I'm thinking it's a baby step type of thing.
I started slow, just decided to give myself a break if I made a slip. I began to give myself the same rah-rah speech I gave everyone else. You know what? It is actually a pretty good one! I felt much less guilty and horrible afterwards. I let the slip go and just got back on track.
I'm trying to look at what I have accomplished instead of how much I have yet to do! I discovered that this is a really good motivator. I know there is a bunch of weight yet to come off; but that does not lessen the hard work and effort I have already put in.
The makeup gave me a boost and I am taking more time with my appearance, that is making me feel better about myself. I thought I was silly at first, but it really does make me feel good about myself and the day when I head out in the morning.
Learning to like yourself for perhaps the first time in your life is difficult. The only advice I have is give yourself a break and take baby steps. Everyone else loves you, you must be worthy of your own attention!
No, I'm not talking about exercise, although it's still not my favorite. I'm thinking more along the line of learning to like myself. This has become the most difficult and arduous part of this whole process.
I have a wonderful, loving husband, and an amazing son; so I must be an okay person for them to put up with me. I can't be all that bad.
I am getting there, I'm proud of myself for the strides I've made and I am looking into going back to school (so I must think I deserve that). I'm thinking it's a baby step type of thing.
I started slow, just decided to give myself a break if I made a slip. I began to give myself the same rah-rah speech I gave everyone else. You know what? It is actually a pretty good one! I felt much less guilty and horrible afterwards. I let the slip go and just got back on track.
I'm trying to look at what I have accomplished instead of how much I have yet to do! I discovered that this is a really good motivator. I know there is a bunch of weight yet to come off; but that does not lessen the hard work and effort I have already put in.
The makeup gave me a boost and I am taking more time with my appearance, that is making me feel better about myself. I thought I was silly at first, but it really does make me feel good about myself and the day when I head out in the morning.
Learning to like yourself for perhaps the first time in your life is difficult. The only advice I have is give yourself a break and take baby steps. Everyone else loves you, you must be worthy of your own attention!
Friday, August 6, 2010
Weird Week
Band Camp is always an exciting week. The kids are back together, which means the band 'family' is back together. Everyone is working to start getting the show off the ground, uniforms need to be fitted and altered, and a thousand more small tasks need to be accomplished.
With all of this happening, eating schedules tend to get thrown off. While we have always had somewhat of a lax schedule in our household, that was blown right out of the water this week. Meals came at odd times and sometimes not at all.
Now, we are all tired and run down. I'm not sure if it is all the activity or the odd eating schedule, or a combination of both. All I know, is right now, I'll be happy to get back to a saner eating schedule this weekend starting with a good grocery shopping!
I never would have paid attention before to why we were all so tired and crabby and run down. Or, if I did, I would have put it down to all the exercise and strange hours. Now, I believe, it is the odd eating schedule.
Imagine that, another lesson learned.
With all of this happening, eating schedules tend to get thrown off. While we have always had somewhat of a lax schedule in our household, that was blown right out of the water this week. Meals came at odd times and sometimes not at all.
Now, we are all tired and run down. I'm not sure if it is all the activity or the odd eating schedule, or a combination of both. All I know, is right now, I'll be happy to get back to a saner eating schedule this weekend starting with a good grocery shopping!
I never would have paid attention before to why we were all so tired and crabby and run down. Or, if I did, I would have put it down to all the exercise and strange hours. Now, I believe, it is the odd eating schedule.
Imagine that, another lesson learned.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Here I go again . . .maybe
This new lifestyle change, and the success that I have been having with it, has made me begin to reevaluate some other parts of my life.
For example, I am considering going back to school. The idea has been kicking around in my head for quite awhile, but I was always unsure of the direction I wanted to take. Now, I think I may have a path in mind.
When I was young, I wanted to be a chef. That idea was not received well by those around me. I was encouraged to drop my 'silly dream that would never amount to anything'. So, I listened to those that "knew what was best for me' and dropped the subject.
But now, with everything I have been learning about nutrition, food combinations, and the effects that different foods can have on your body, have renewed my old passion for cooking and my desire to pursue more education in the culinary arts.
It's amazing to me how brave I am becomming and how far out of my comfort zone I am suddenly willing to go!
I wonder what I will come up with next.
For example, I am considering going back to school. The idea has been kicking around in my head for quite awhile, but I was always unsure of the direction I wanted to take. Now, I think I may have a path in mind.
When I was young, I wanted to be a chef. That idea was not received well by those around me. I was encouraged to drop my 'silly dream that would never amount to anything'. So, I listened to those that "knew what was best for me' and dropped the subject.
But now, with everything I have been learning about nutrition, food combinations, and the effects that different foods can have on your body, have renewed my old passion for cooking and my desire to pursue more education in the culinary arts.
It's amazing to me how brave I am becomming and how far out of my comfort zone I am suddenly willing to go!
I wonder what I will come up with next.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Trial by Fire
Today we had a bit of a girl's outing. My mother, my sister-in-law (sister) and myself met to get supplies for a new mirror for my mom and then we were going to go get 'coffee'. (Does anyone see this going awry yet?)
After the shopping expedition we headed over to Panera to have 'coffee', which is now a challenge for me, as I can no longer have coffee. No, I can not have decaf, decaf still has caffeine in it, just smaller amounts.
So, there I am, standing in front of the pastry case staring at the drink menu attempting to figure out what I can drink. I was also ignoring the call of the chocolate croissant. It was very loud, and it was screaming my name!
My sister asked me if I wanted coffee. I was dying for a latte, so I bit my lips together and shook my head no. The croissant was getting louder and louder. My sister looked at me with a funny look and shrugged. I could almost hear her thinking "Katie is off her nut again!"
Then my mom went up to the window. By this time, the croissant was yelling so loud I was surprised the entire restaurant didn't hear it! Mom asks "Are you sure you don't want some coffee?" A repeat of the lip bite and head shake.
I finally ordered a fruit smoothie and, with a wistful glace at the chocolate croissant, ordered a fat free carrot walnut muffin.
I actually made it out of the restaurant without taking so much as a sip of coffee or a nibble of croissant.
So, why do I feel like I've just walked over hot coals?
After the shopping expedition we headed over to Panera to have 'coffee', which is now a challenge for me, as I can no longer have coffee. No, I can not have decaf, decaf still has caffeine in it, just smaller amounts.
So, there I am, standing in front of the pastry case staring at the drink menu attempting to figure out what I can drink. I was also ignoring the call of the chocolate croissant. It was very loud, and it was screaming my name!
My sister asked me if I wanted coffee. I was dying for a latte, so I bit my lips together and shook my head no. The croissant was getting louder and louder. My sister looked at me with a funny look and shrugged. I could almost hear her thinking "Katie is off her nut again!"
Then my mom went up to the window. By this time, the croissant was yelling so loud I was surprised the entire restaurant didn't hear it! Mom asks "Are you sure you don't want some coffee?" A repeat of the lip bite and head shake.
I finally ordered a fruit smoothie and, with a wistful glace at the chocolate croissant, ordered a fat free carrot walnut muffin.
I actually made it out of the restaurant without taking so much as a sip of coffee or a nibble of croissant.
So, why do I feel like I've just walked over hot coals?
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Band Camp
The Boy is in the band. This week is Band Camp. For anyone who has never been in band, Band Camp is sorta like Boot Camp for musicians who march.
If you have never seen it, it is a pretty amazing thing to watch. How they all figure out where they are supposed to go, which pink flag of the 100 pink flags on the ground is theirs, and that they can do all this while playing music they just memorized! It is pretty cool to watch.
Mind you it is the beginning of August, incredibly hot and way to humid for words. Yet, there they are, on the field, in the sun, working as hard as they can for their Directors.
Why am I talking about this tonight? Because it reminded me of a long hard road to achieve a goal. It seems that I need to keep reminding myself lately. I'm not sure why, I'm not quite sure what is going on with my brain lately, but I'm having a hard time sticking to plan and keeping my head on straight.
But watching those kids tonight, as they ran the same 'chart' or move over and over until they had had it down, reminded me. That is dedication and commitment. We could all take a lesson from them.
If you have never seen it, it is a pretty amazing thing to watch. How they all figure out where they are supposed to go, which pink flag of the 100 pink flags on the ground is theirs, and that they can do all this while playing music they just memorized! It is pretty cool to watch.
Mind you it is the beginning of August, incredibly hot and way to humid for words. Yet, there they are, on the field, in the sun, working as hard as they can for their Directors.
Why am I talking about this tonight? Because it reminded me of a long hard road to achieve a goal. It seems that I need to keep reminding myself lately. I'm not sure why, I'm not quite sure what is going on with my brain lately, but I'm having a hard time sticking to plan and keeping my head on straight.
But watching those kids tonight, as they ran the same 'chart' or move over and over until they had had it down, reminded me. That is dedication and commitment. We could all take a lesson from them.
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